Category Archives: Travel

Pass The Buttered Popcorn. It’s Showtime!

Movies have always been a love of mine. My major in University was film and I was fortunate enough to win the coveted ‘President’s Prize’ for screenwriting. (Actually that script was later produced into a full-length feature which aired on pay television almost 100 times!) The film was entitled: The Night Watchman’. (Read review here.)

Naturally, every film, movie star, director, make-up artist, screenwriter etc. can lend itself to a little ribbing. (even the odd toe-tickling) And, we here at Mustard and Boloney are certainly good at that. So strip off your socks and shoes, and let me feather those tootsies with a

humorous ride through the world of entertainment!

But, before we begin, I need a little snack. Perhaps I should try the interesting recipe our friend here is promoting. Although as I am a vegetarian would eating a brain be classified as eating meat, even if it’s my own brain? And, how can I possibly answer that if I have no brain?

Maybe I should ask this fellow if he has any insight into the issue. (he told me to buy his book should I seek the answers. To that I said, “I’ll be back”; to which I thought I heard him reply, “No problemo”.)

Speaking of brains, in this film those involved seek out the mighty Wizard to get – of all things – a brain for our poor scarecrow. (Apparently one made of straw just doesn’t cut it, unless your Stephen Harper.)

Seems to me the others in that film were looking for a heart, some courage and a way to get home. (yep, Harper again)

In addition to the course on gourmet cooking I decided to check out some on philosophy but I had trouble doing my

assignments as the kid I shared a room with seemed to like be a little off, you know what I mean? He kept mentioning the word ‘wizard’ all the time but never in connection with the Land Of Oz. (Although he did have an imaginary dog he called ‘Toe, Toe’.) I say this because he was always looking down at those shoeless, sockless feet saying, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!” Interesting.)

I think deep down he really wanted to be a tap dancer. (Only trouble was he kept falling of the sink.) Well, time to put away my cartoons for the day and settle in to watch a movie. Which one shall it be? Tough choice as there are so many great ones. How be I just flip through the stations to see what I can stream. Maybe movies are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, especially if you don’t have a tv guide.

Got a favourite film you’d like us to poke fun at? Let me know what it is and we’ll see what we can do. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.

Our Butts May Be Cold But Our Book Is So Warm. Seriously!

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Boloney (Alexandre Rouillard) and I (Jeffrey Caulfield) live in Canada where the winters can be a touch cold; very cold indeed! It doesn’t bother us much as we are used to it but our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ can’t take the chill. So, it’s decided to visit a much warmer climate for a couple of months until the spring returns.

(the guy on the left is not dressed too warm for the cold either. His cheeks are so frosty!)

Our good friend Kathy and her husband took pity on our chilly book so they decided to take it on a grand tour of the American south west. Here it is on the back of their RV (it’s hard to make out but those are Arizona license plates.)

I think Kathy was having a bit too much Tequila when she took this out-of-focus picture. Our book looks a bit blurry-eyed as well.

But, our Butt’s (Seriously) book is at least nice and warm. It’s good to see it out enjoying itself on the open road, with the wind rustling through it’s pages as the scenery flies past. Who knows, someone may spot it and want a copy of their own.

(get your copy here)

I do hope if it does fall off the back of their vehicle that it doesn’t land too hard and sit neglected on the interstate.

If it does I can only hope these two characters will scoop it up and take it under their protective wing, as they appear to like good humour.

And our book, ‘Butt Seriously’ is definitely that!

Actually, Dan Piraro (creator of Bizarro) was kind enough to write the forward to our humorous tome. (While out on his porch one day he happened to see it fly off of the back of an RV -a different trip – and land in his front yard.) Upon reading it he immediately felt the need to comment on its contents. He states, “The real art of cartooning is to create a compelling illustration that facilitates a compelling gag. Caulfield and Rouillard are the most shining example of this unique combination I have seen in some time.”

Thanks Dan! (and we’re so glad our book didn’t bounce of off your well-manicured lawn and break a window).

If it did you might have had us put ‘on the rack’.

Of course by doing that would have only meant that our humour would be stretched that much further, and less cartoons would have been needed to be placed into the book. Ha!

As I write this it is snowy and cold outside. But inside I feel warm all over knowing our book is getting a tan on a tablecloth of stars! (plus writing this while sitting in my infrared sauna helps me feel toasty too.) Thanks Kathy!!

So, why not get your own copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously‘ and take it out for a little trip? If you do make sure it’s buckled in good and tight.

And, if camping or hiking our book comes in very handy. You can eat a page a day for that much-needed humour (and roughage), or use a page a day for un-needed ah, well, you know?

Butt Seriously!!!!!

(get your copy here now)

Resolutions And Your Resolve. Too Early To Tell?

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Well 2015 is finally here and with it comes the hope of a great year ahead. (what it doesn’t come with – like most of your Christmas presents – is a money back guarantee should you not like it). And thus far, how many New Year’s eve resolutions have you managed to keep? (out of a dozen or so promised?) As for myself I tend not to make any end of the year resolutions; if I want to change something I just simply do it instead of waiting.

But for most the dawn of a different year brings fresh hope and renewed vigour that their goal(s) can be achieved. No more same old, same old!

Perhaps you’re trying to lose a little weight. Well one could adjust their food intake alone but certainly doing a little exercise will help. It may not feel like heaven doing it but in the end you’ll look and feel so much better.

And, when your friends ask how did you loose those twenty pounds? Simply tell them to ‘go to Hell’. (and don’t forget to smile when you say that)

Shedding unwanted pounds is near the top of many peoples’ resolution list, along with giving up smoking or cutting back on drinking.

Unfortunately it’s one of the first to be tossed aside when one passes the nearest baker, deli place or kid with a chocolate bar in her hand.

At least this deli place requires you to hike a nearby mountain top to get it, so you’ll definitely be working off that pastrami and cheese sandwich. (and everything else you ate for the last five months)

Maybe one of your (non-binding) resolutions was to finally get out of your rut and see more of the world.

Bravo! It’s good to get out from behind that computer screen and actually see all you can see from sea to shining sea.

Now, you don’t have to be extreme in your changes. Maybe simply resolve to walk a different way home after school or work. Volunteer to help others and give back to the community. Or wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. Resolve to think outside the box. Change should always be viewed as a positive.

What’s that you say? You want to change your job completely this year? Then do it right now! It’s never too late to begin a new career. (Print out this cartoon and carry it in your wallet for inspiration.)

Alexandre and I have had several jobs before we opened our Mustard and Boloney cartoon diner. We’ve found that we’re much better at frying up jokes than cookin’ the books.

So, start 2015 off with a bang! And remember, once you’ve made a change – stick with it. Resolve to make those resolutions stick. (use crazy glue if need be)

Oh, and by-the-way, the milkshake you ordered is ready; the one made with skim milk, low fat ice cream and artificial sweetener.

Bon Apetite!

‘Tis The Season To Be Jolly!

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‘Tis the season to be Jolly! (and for those of you who are not named Jolly, what were your parents thinking anyway?) Although with a name like Frank, Joan or Samuel I hope you can still have somewhat of a reasonably good time as Christmas is definitely near. (I think it falls on the 25th this year if I’m not mistaken).

And, let’s hope when Santa does drop by your place he leaves more than just this ‘Elfie’ card under your tree.

(note: Santa is lactose intolerant so maybe leave out some almond milk with those – did I mention gluten free? – cookies.)

As well, when you write Santa you may want to include directions to your home because with cutbacks being the way there are he may not make it. Sure, he may have GPS but visiting the entire world on a single battery charge is risky; very risky indeed. At least when he had Rudolph he could slip him a Red Bull or something if fatigue was kicking in.

Oh, and remember to also clean out your chimney. We can’t have the big guy hurt himself or get stuck for any length of time. And please do not have a fire going. Santa’s ‘cheeks’ are rosy enough as it is! (according to Mrs. Clause anyway)

HISTORY NOTE:

When Santa first arrived on our shores he had only two reindeer with him. (hence for that first Christmas he only visited 5 homes – all on the same street.) But, over the years he accumulated more – horsepower? – and found that nine seemed to be just enough to get the job done.

He did have thousands of reindeer apply but only a handful of those applicants could actually fly. Many said they could get high (aha) but when push came to shove they simply landed on their backsides when leaving a rooftop.

Oh, many other types of animals applied. In point of fact our red-suited fellow did consider a species known as ‘Google drone’ but found that people thought they were UFO’s (especially near area 51) and felt that they might suddenly be abducted, and rectal-probed. So, he abandoned that idea.

He also found that monkeys just wanted to party all the time and not actually deliver anything to anyone so they too did not make the final cut.

Rest assured though that Santa is on top of his game. He knows if you’ve been good or bad, happy or sad – or just plain ticked off. (having an off-season part-time job with the NSA really helps) He’s also got all your information stored on the cloud; one that he flies to twice a week to update his files.

So, here’s hoping you get (as Bing Crosby sings) a white Christmas. But, unfortunately with global warming it just might be something a touch different. If it gets any warmer Santa may just have to visit your place in a thong as that suit of his is way too bulky and warm. And those reindeer will undoutedly need shades – a la Blues Brothers – to cut down on the glare.

Happy holidays and be Jolly!

At least for a day. Then go back to using your own name.

Which Came First. The Chicken Or The Egg?

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Being a cartoonist is a lot of fun and I enjoy making people smile, roar out loud, or just plain howl at the moon with laughter. But, I am often asked which comes first: the idea (captions etc.) or the drawing? In other words which comes first: the chicken or the egg?

I like to think that all depends on the surface. If it is a downhill race then definitely the egg will come first. But, rather, if it is an uphill course or on level playing field then I’m afraid our poor egg will always be second to the swift – and possibly tasty – chicken.

All kidding aside I imagine that all depends on the cartoonist. Mustard and Boloney cartoons are not just created by one individual. I (Mustard) tend to come up with the ideas, captions etc. and then type them out. Then, cartoonist extraordinaire Alexandre Rouillard (Boloney) takes those bare bones, bits of flesh and hair, and turns them into a full-fledged up-right human. His talent for turning scant bits of verbal information into a single panel of pure gold is amazing!

At times we need a little back and forth (maybe I change the line now that I see it drawn or perhaps it needs a slight visual tweak) before you have a finished cartoon. But, not that often!!

Dan Piraro (creator of Bizarro) who wrote the forward to our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ has this to say about Alexandre’s artistry: “The art in this book speaks for itself. It is a perfect balance or realism and exaggeration, humour and pathos, in a style that harkens back to the golden age of Playboy, but without the tits. Rouillard has mastered something that takes even the most talented cartoonists years to achieve.”

Actually, working with Alexandre involves another interesting twist: we don’t even live in the same city! He lives in Montreal and I live in Toronto. (we are about an 8 hour drive apart)

But, with modern technology that problem is easily overcome. Can you imagine if we were cartoonists back in the days of imperial Rome? I would create the idea then write it out with a quill pen before mailing it. Months later when it arrived at Alexandres, he would open it – laugh of course – and proceed to draw. Then he would send it back to me for possible tweaking. Then back to him for the changes. So, at that rate we would probably have done one – maybe two – cartoons a year! The world needs our humour faster than that!! (Caesar might not have been stabbed by so many had they all had a little more humour in their lives.)

So, if you’d like a joke a day – one containing all of your comedic calories minus the salt – then look no further than our Mustard and Boloney diner. You could also purchase a copy of our latest book here and enjoy its contents over a plate of fried eggs or chicken, depending on who lost the race.

Bon appetit!

Fall Is In The Air

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October is a great time of the year here in Canada. Not only is it the month I was born in but it’s also the time when cooler temperatures settle in, trees change colour almost overnight (before dropping their crimson red or amber leaves to the forest floor) and thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner with family fills ones heart and mind.

But, other thoughts crowd in too because as Fall creeps in summer unfortunately peters out – and with it the heat! No longer can one wear plaid shorts, a tank top and sandals. And, most certainly wearing no clothes at all is definitely out of the question! (Sweaters and jackets are the new order of the day.)

Naturally, as the weather changes one can no more indulge in some of the more ‘warm

weather’ sports.

(I’d say this fellows handicap is off the charts!)

Those other notable companions that make up his foursome include: Dracula, The Werewolf and of course, The Mummy. (Dracula, rumour has it, is a lousy golf partner, as he apparently sucks the ‘life’ out of any game he’s in. Although, when you think about it, his partners are all already dead anyway.)

Also, as the temperature outside dips so does one ‘stop dipping’ because it’s too darn cold!.

(One could of course go to an indoor pool but then one wouldn’t get a tan now would they? Nor could you watch the traffic fly past as you’re speeding down the highway in the fast lane while floating on an inflatable chair, drink in hand, so above it all in your Google self-driving car.)

The Fall also brings with it a student’s quest for higher learning, as Colleges and Universities

open up their campuses to the inquiring mind.

(the tuition they charge at this institution is so astronomically high it should be considered criminal)

So, I say get out now and enjoy the crisp autumn weather while you can, because soon enough old man winter will not only be breathing down your neck but also up through the back ‘trap door’ of your long johns. Brrrrrrrrrr.

Bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate and let me warm my toes by a cozy wood fire!

*****************************CONTEST SOLVED*********************************

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all. And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like me.)

*****************************BONUS*********************************************Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Mustard Meets Boloney. But Seriously!

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You’ve heard me mention many times about my talented artistic friend Alexandre Rouillard, who is the ‘Boloney’ half of Mustard and Boloney. Well, what you may not realize is that the two of us do not even live in the same city or even the same province! (we do live in the same country though) He lives in Montreal, Quebec, and I live in Toronto, Ontario. It’s not too often we get together (the drive is about 6 hours) but last week he came to Toronto for

a weeks vacation with his partner Sandy and their small dog Ziggy. Road trip!!

I gave him specific directions on how to get to my place but he forgot them at home! Naturally because of this fact he got off the highway at the wrong exit and was hopelessly lost.

Before calling me he tried asking this nice gentleman (with the baguette) for help but was told he’d have to turn here, then there, then here again then…well. (how he drove to Paris I’ll never know. Maybe GPS really stands for ‘Going To Paris System’. Mnnnn)

Finally, I got the call and gave him new directions. (I could barely understand him though as he had he mouth full of bread and cheese)

For his arrival I had pulled out all the stops and organized a block party! It took me months to get the city to agree to it.

Surprisingly, Kong was available and eager to assist. (he had read a copy of out new book entitled, ‘Butt Seriously’ and loved it!)

Upon arrival, Alexandre’s first order of business was to attend that evenings baseball game. (he is an avid Blue Jays fan). So, I drove him and Sandy down to the stadium to enjoy.

While he was here we went out shopping and took along our new book in the hope someone would buy a copy.

Here we are selling it under a big clock. (a crowd of two did eventually form later and oddly enough asked us the time)

We also attended the musical ‘The Book of Mormon’, which is written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, favourite writers of Alexandre.

As you can clearly see I’m trying to sell the book while Alexandre is re-enacting the entire musical on the street for any and all passers bye. It took me over two hours to sell one book! (during his intermission) Many people commented favourably though on Alexandre’s magnificent singing voice while others remarked at what an adept and nimble dancer he was.

Here is a picture of Alexandre and Sandy embracing. (notice his slight resistance as she caught him just in the middle of an encore for the assembled crowd) Also included is a photo of Alexandre and my wife Terry. (she too was so taken by his street performance that she needed a tree for support to prevent her from falling over in ‘awe’)

But, alas, all good things must come to an end and Alexandre, Sandy and Ziggy had to leave my fair city to drive back to Montreal and home!

Adieu, my friends. Until we meet again Terry and I wish you well. (and our legion of fans wish you to keep drawing!)

Bon voyage!

(I realize that phrase is generally used when one is taking an ocean cruise but with Alexandre’s driving prowess over water he could just end up in Egypt.)

Here’s hoping he just makes it back home to the safety of his bathtub.

Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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As I get older I tend to look back on some of the choices that I’ve made in the past. (did I really want fries with that? Should I have gone with salad? Or would I have been happy enough with just the burger? ) Is it the same for everyone as you age? What might the outcome of something had been if I’d chosen a completely different menu path? (I’d probably not be as heavy if only I had of avoided those tasty fries; thank heavens for Lipitor) Have I ‘evolved’ or simply gone along for the ride?

Someone once said to me that he was an expert in his chosen field because he had twenty years experience on the job (and with the same company).

I was suitably impressed then sat and thought more about that statement a bit. (while I ate a few fries) What was he really saying? Was it, “I have twenty years experience on the job” or rather, “I have one years experience twenty times.” Had he ‘evolved’ or just remained relatively the same?

Perhaps that is a question that can only be answered by a higher authority than I.

Perhaps there is no ‘right’ answer; only lefts.

Perhaps every bone is connected, and it doesn’t matter what road you take so long as you don’t fall over a rock (or untied shoelace) and break any of them.

Maybe I need to make a list of things that had circumstances been different I might have done.

Maybe I need to actually ‘do’ some of those things on that list. Experience them fully without bumping into..well, you know..the guy in the dark robe.

Maybe I need to ‘walk the walk’ and not’ talk the talk’.

Maybe I should check my thesaurus and find another word (s) to use instead of ‘maybe’ all the time.

Life is definitely full of multiple choices.

You say ‘tomato; I say ‘tomahto’. You say ‘potato’; I say ‘potahto’.

Everything is relative.

And, speaking of relatives, I wonder what this fish did evolve in to? (maybe me) But, it would have stayed the same had it not left the security of the pond.

So, is it time for a change? Are you ready to leave the warm waters of ‘same old, same old’?

If so, then I humbly suggest you take along some scuba gear. You may occasionally wish to return to your humble beginnings for a bit of familiarity from time-to-time, and to visit those whose road was not as dry and traveled as yours.

Our Book ‘Butt Seriously’ Is On The Move Again. Seriously.

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A few posts back I wrote about how a purchaser of our latest book entitled ‘ Butt Seriously’ took it and traveled all around Amsterdam taking pictures, and then sent me the photos. Well, I just received new pictures from another satisfied buyer by the name of Sandy, showing our new book travelling around Montreal in Quebec. Seriously!!

Here it is in front of their Olympic stadium. Perhaps after a breakfast of champions our humorous panels will be ready to run in the 400 meters against Usain Bolt. And, we may even

win as Usain will be so doubled over with laughter (at the thought of sprinting against a cartoon book) that he will be unable to run like the wind.

Gold medal win for ‘Butt Seriously’. Yes!!

Our book in this photo seems content to just gaze out over the city, basking in the warming sun. (let’s hope it has on plenty of sunblock. Don’t want the ‘Butt’ to get burned. Seriously)

Note: This is the back cover of the book. Here’s what it looks like a little bigger.

back_cover

Yes, those are our caricatures. I, on the left, have been told I look like Sir Richard Branson. And, Alexandre, on the right, has been told that I look like Sir Richard Branson.

(Alexandre always wears copious amounts of sunblock on his head so as not to burn his creative brain)

Here we have an interesting photo. It looks as though our book has been pumping iron, and has bulked up considerably. It’s almost as big as that statue in the back!

Note: No banned substances or prohibited steroids were used in the making of this book.

Not all pictures of the book were taken outside.

Here, it’s quietly resting inside – after a busy day on the track – next to Sandy’s dog Ziggy.

Note: This picture must have been taken just as the book arrived and had not been read yet, because if it had been studied then Ziggy would be smiling, waging his tail, and showing us teeth of laughter.

Actually, just seeing the cover of ‘Butt Seriously’ inspired this pooch to go and immediately make a boloney sandwich.

One with plenty of Mustard of course!

Bon appetit.

Or, in this rare case,

Bone appetit!

Keep those photos coming!! We love to hear – and see – where our book has been. Seriously.

Cartoon Book Travels Abroad. Seriously.

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What’s a werewolf to do when lost in a foreign city? Ask directions of course! (as you can see the French seem very relaxed about talking to a werewolf. Perhaps that baguette makes a great club if needed)

And, what’s our book entitled ‘Butt Seriously’ to do when shipped overseas and placed in strange surroundings? Why, take a tour of course!

Recently, a copy of our book’ Butt Seriously’, was purchased by a man who lives in Amsterdam (The Netherlands.) How do I know this? He sent me the photos! He also added in his e-mail that after laughing uncontrollably for days (and snickering well into each night) he finally had to leave his condo for fresh air, food, and to make sure hordes of menacing zombies had not taken over his city. (They hadn’t, and the few he did run in to were too busy laughing to wreak any havoc, as they had already bought their own copy of ‘Butt Seriously’)

Here is the book outside the home. (it probably should have been on a leash so as not to bite any passers bye)

The book resting on his bicycle. (Note to self: our next book should have longer legs to reach the pedals.)

Here it is adding much needed roughage to his happy meal at McDonalds. (I guess that would make his lunch a ‘happy, happy’ meal.)

I’m also so glad we printed the cover in rubber because when his car got a flat tire he used the book to mend it! Butt Seriously!! At least this way he can’t read it while driving! (He texted me from behind the wheel to tell me that)

And finally as we leave the Netherlands here is the book resting on top of – what looks like – a giant (Amsterdam Gold) block of cheese!

So, why not get your own copy of our book ‘ Butt Seriously’ here and take it on a tour of wherever it is that you live. Then send us the photos!

Mustard and Boloney Cartoons

Humorous Single Panel Cartoons

Category Archives: Travel

Pass The Buttered Popcorn. It’s Showtime!

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Our Butts May Be Cold But Our Book Is So Warm. Seriously!

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Resolutions And Your Resolve. Too Early To Tell?

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Which Came First. The Chicken Or The Egg?

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Fall Is In The Air

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Mustard Meets Boloney. But Seriously!

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Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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Our Book ‘Butt Seriously’ Is On The Move Again. Seriously.

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Cartoon Book Travels Abroad. Seriously.

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