Paragraph Bookstore and La flèche rouge now carry ‘Mustard and Boloney’ cartoon books. Syndicated artists Alexandre Rouillard and Jeffrey Caulfield’s latest tomes are packed full of single panel humor; comedy designed to fill your mind with tasty laughs. Visit these fine stores to get your copies today! Alternatively, you can ask your local librarian to order a few books for you. Remember, to please laugh responsibly whilst reading them in the library. Shhhh… Bon appetit.
What’s the one place most people do not like to visit? (other than the IRS?). Why, the dentist of course! Just thinking about those drills and needles makes my skin crawl. And don’t even mention root canals to me. I’ve had five already and I’m still in therapy. (i can’t look at or even eat a root vegetable; exposed roots of trees makes me shudder and I flunked out on math because they wanted the square root of so many numbers!) Even walking past the ‘Roots’ clothing store makes me break out in a cold sweat. Still, when you have a problem you have to go, right? Fortunately for me my dentist is a nice guy, and very popular with his patients (those that are still alive and able to eat more than just Jello) He even once tried tickling me to ease the stress, but I don’t tickle as I have no funny bone. (odd coming from a cartoonist, wouldn’t you say?)
So, for my most recent visit he had to resort to more drastic measures to take my mind off of what he was about to do. He actually hired someone to come in and tell me the story of the ‘Tooth Fairy’, This was very kinf of him and I soon felt warm and fuzzy allover. Then he went to work. I was ready. I was pumped. I was completely drugged! (but happy in story-land)
I don’t really have a sweet tooth so what could it be?
Maybe I don’t brush or floss enough. (flossing would certainly help me to get rid of the stuff between my teeth from this fellows recipe. Although how does this instructor even floss -let alone eat – with that thing over his mouth anyway?)
I wonder if cannibals ever need to floss?
And, if they do, how odd it must feel to pull out part of your uncle Fred from between your teeth. Creepy. But I’ll bet their cavity rate is low as there’s no sugar in their diet to rot the teeth, unless they just ate their honey. (think about that one for a sec.)
My dentist finished up by saying all is good. He then helped dab the tears from my eyes before working on unclenching my fists.Then he commented on that he feels bad about inflicting pain on people all the time and maybe a new line of work might be the way to go. I suggested
he try politics (shoving taxes down peoples’ throats and getting them to pay is like pulling teeth, right?) or maybe a less stressful job such as a window store mannequin. You just sit there all day in the display window having people stare at you in a nice suit (or undergarments depending on what you are promoting.) What could be more relaxing? Well, lying on a beach in the Cayman islands with a drink in your hand, and the surf at your feet would be more calming for sure. Plus, if he were to do this he could keep a much closer eye on his off-shore account (s) .
Now there’s a thought he can really sink his teeth into.
We here at Mustard and Boloney’s cartoon diner continually search the world over looking for tasty dishes to introduce to you, our dear devoted patrons. Our criteria for this exotic food is a simple one: it must be low in calories, high in protein, and guaranteed to fill the stomach sans indigestion. And, as Alexandre is from Quebec (and speaks fluent French) and I from Ontario (and speak fluent Ontarian) then it’s great to offer up something in at least two languages!
As mentioned we try to limit our use of calorie-laden carbohydrates for those watching their waste-lines. And for those eschewing meat our vegetarian dishes are to just die for! (I, Mustard am a vegetarian whereas Boloney, is not)
Alexandre (Boloney) thinks I am a little crazy for giving up meat and I think he’s a little odd being named after a popular luncheon meat. (though the spelling is different) What were his parents thinking anyway?
Maybe they foresaw that in the future he would team up with a Mustard-loving writer; one who would make sure their son would at least eat his vegetables along with all that meat. I mean without me he wouldn’t have broccoli and legume gas!! (thank heavens he lives over 500 kilometers away in another city)
At our diner we use only the finest in state-of-the art cookware too. No half-measures and no teflon-coated pans used here. (a watched pot never boils and our friend here is making sure that’s true; no wonder he needs help)
We do this because when people say ‘bite me’ to us we quickly reply that they already have.
As you can plainly see Alexandre doesn’t require the use of a hair net. (This came about after his barber ate at our diner but couldn’t afford to pay the bill, complaining about getting scalped). Alexandre decided to get ‘free’ haircuts for a year as opposed to making the poor fellow do the dishes. So now the only thing that Alexandre drops into what he cooks is humorous anecdotes. (that’s why people leave our restaurant smiling, happy, and loaded with laughing gas.)
Well, the lunch crowd is making their way into our diner so I have to go and make some French fries. (the old-fashioned way). It seems that’s one of our most popular side-dishes! (we do bake not fry them as to be calorie conscious.)
Remember, the meat of our offerings is humor, complemented by a side order of irreverence, and all manner of situations and subjects. We are happy to create the delicious ‘aha’ moment with every meal. Thinking outside the icebox is mandatory in this diner, and some dishes may cause you to stand on your head and think, “So that’s what it all going to cost. They’re panels are very affordable indeed!”