Author Archives: Jeffrey Caulfield

Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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Exciting news!  Several Mustard and Boloney cartoons will be shown in an art gallery. That’s right! We were asked to be part of a show featuring black/white art, so we printed up several large versions of some of our cartoons (in black and white of course)  and had them framed.  The prints are hand-signed by both Alexandre and myself. We are the only cartoonists to be invited to this particular show.  Who knows, maybe Lady Gaga 0217_blind_dogwill stop in and buy one or two prints. (she may even end up wearing them at some point. Earrings?)

 

Here’s an example of one of the pictures we’ve had framed for the show. (the size  is 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

 

 

 

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And, here’s another that looks great blown up and mounted under glass. (also 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

 

 

For those of you who live in the Toronto area here are the particulars of where the show is being held, and the date.

 

Black and White Art ExhibitAvatar_mustard_hat

October 29th – November 4th

Ben Navaee Gallery

1107 Queen Street East

Toronto, Ontario.

416-466-3996

Opening Reception takes place November 1st, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

It’s for one week only so your window to view -and perhaps purchase – them is short. I will be at the Saturday night gala (minus the chef’s hat but probably wearing my shoes made of boloney) from 6:30-8:30. Hope to see you all there!

 

A Year Older, But Wiser?

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Well dear readers, this week is an interesting one because as I look at the calender I notice that it’s my (insert age here) birthday week. And just like our aging planet Earth (over 4.5 billion years and counting) I too am starting to feel a bit rusty in spots, a touch weak in the eyes, and no longer can I digest 12 corn chili dogs in one sitting. (and we won’t even discuss my hair loss although compared to Alexandre I think I’m doing pretty good.)

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(I’m on the left; Alexandre is on the right)

 

 

 

At my (insert age here) stage of life perhaps I should book an appointment with my family doctor andcolor_0132_heavy_metals get a complete physical. You know, check under the hood, so to speak.

 

 

(As a kid I did happen to swallow some loose change once that I found under a couch pillow, and as of yet it has not been accounted for)

 

 

 

But, that’s not for a lack of effort on my part. Maybe too much effort in fact.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, I’ll probably need all that loose change  – and more – as retirement looms somewhere over a distant horizon. (perhaps I should start swallowing a dollar a day now and with any luck – and allot of compound interest – I might just be okay)

Only drawback to that is weight gain. (I’ll just tell people I’m banking on my future and that once I’m retired then watch out for rapid weight loss!)

Fortunately, I pleased to report, I still have my funny bone (now where did I put that thing – oh

there it is holding up my open window), and along with Alexandre’s fabulous artistry, we will continue to hopefully bring a smile to your face, and put a song in your heart. (actually for that last part I’d need to get Katy Perry to assist as neither Alexandre nor I can hold a tune.)

And, I guess I should start doing more Sudokos to keep that brain in tip-top shape. (now where did I leave that thing again?)

Laughter is indeed the best medicine no matter what a couple of clowns like Alexandre and I say. (I’m the clown on the left of course as he has more hair)color_0335_headstone

I plan on laughing right up until the end (unless it happens when I’m in a movie theatre watching an Adam Sandler picture then I’ll be definitely going out crying).

 

On my tombstone they should write something like, “Here lies Mustard. He never could tell the truth.”

Now, I’m off for chocolate cake (let’s hope it’s a money cake) and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!

Bon Appetit.

 

The Devil Made Me Write This.

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“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show.  (In fact he won a grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)

Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on ice I would venture to say.)

Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of at that amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food,  and suitable lodgings.

Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?

Possibly.

Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?

Maybe.

Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?

Probably.

 

A great film called ‘The Exorcist’ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil. I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?”  Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius?  (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)

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And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.

With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.

Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (who really know who started the ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)

Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record, as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall Is In The Air

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October is a great time of the year here in Canada.  Not only is it the month I was born in but it’s also the time when cooler temperatures settle in, trees change colour almost overnight (before dropping their crimson red or amber leaves to the forest floor) and thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner with family fills ones heart and mind.

 

But, other thoughts crowd in too because as Fall creeps in summer unfortunately peters out – and with it the heat! No longer can one wear plaid shorts, a tank top and sandals.  And, most certainly wearing no clothes at all is definitely out of the question! (Sweaters and jackets are the new order of the day.)

Naturally, as the weather changes one can no more indulge in some of the more ‘warm

color_0071_golf_frankensteinweather’ sports.

(I’d say this fellows handicap is off the charts!)

Those other notable companions that make up his foursome include: Dracula, The Werewolf and of course, The Mummy. (Dracula, rumour has it, is a lousy golf partner, as he apparently sucks the ‘life’ out of any game he’s in. Although, when you think about it, his partners are all already dead anyway.)

Also, as the temperature outside dips so does one ‘stop dipping’ because it’s too darn cold!.

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(One could of course go to an indoor pool but then one wouldn’t get a tan now would they? Nor could you watch the traffic fly past as you’re speeding down the highway in the fast lane while floating on an inflatable chair, drink in hand, so above it all in your Google self-driving  car.)

 

 

 

The Fall also brings with it a student’s quest for higher learning, as Colleges and Universities

color_0012_prizzonopen up their campuses to the inquiring mind.

 

 

(the tuition they charge at this institution is so astronomically high it should be considered criminal)

 

 

 

 

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So, I say get out now and enjoy the crisp autumn weather while you can, because soon enough old man winter will not only be breathing down your neck but also up through the back ‘trap door’ of your long johns. Brrrrrrrrrr.

Bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate and let me warm my toes by a cozy wood fire!

*****************************CONTEST SOLVED*********************************

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all.  And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like me.)

*****************************BONUS*********************************************Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Fade In.

Movies have always been a passion of mine. From as far back as I can remember I’ve always enjoyed them. So much so in fact, that when I went to university I majored in Film Studies. And, as luck would have it, I won their top award for screenwriting. (one script became the basis for the full-length feature film ‘The Night Watchman’ )

So, when I started cartooning, many films, their characters, their settings and such naturally became fair game for my cinematic imagination, and Alexandre’s creative pen. Can you name the movie inspiration for the above cartoon? Even better, what year was it made and exactly who was in it? (Try not to use Google.)

 

I sent this interesting send-up of a popular franchise to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for his opinion – and he loved it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s an odd twist on a famous scene from the movie ‘Ben Hur’. (Charlton Heston would be proud. Bring on the chariot race!) This 1959 film was directed by one of my favourite directors. His name? William Wyler. (his other notable works include: Dodsworth (1936), Mrs. Miniver (1942), The Heiress (1945), The Best Years Of Our Lives (1946), Roman Holiday (1953), The Collector (1965), and Funny Girl (1968).

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(I actually have the original movie posters for Ben Hur from the cinema display windows – when they used to do that – framed, and hanging in my office at home.)

 

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In keeping with the Roman times theme, I thought this was a nice twist on a classic line. Again, can you name the film?  HInt: It stars Robert DeNiro (duh)

(Actually early film stock was quite flammable so maybe that’s what started this fire. Apparently, Nero love the cinema but didn’t store the negatives properly!)

Personally, I just love black and white films. There are just so many layers to them. It’s too bad they colourize them now, because once done, it washes out the shadings and flattens the imagery. If they originated in colour, that’s okay,  but to paint it in, no. (watch any film noir picture like ‘Scarlet Street’ (1945), ‘In A Lonely Place (1950) or ‘The Big heat’ (1953) and you’ll see a prime example of how a black and white film can and should look) To see these films uncut – in their original form – check out movie station TCM (Turner Classic Movies)

***************************  CONTEST ALERT   *************************************

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In keeping with our movie theme we here at Mustard and Boloney are offering up a free copy of our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ to the first two people who can figure out what movie this cartoon is referring to. E-mail your answer to: info@mustardandboloney.com.  (hint: This film was made within the last 100 years. Ha!)

Good luck. And pass the buttered popcorn!

Fade Out.

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all.  And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog today. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like I)

Oh, and someone wondered what the first cartoon (with dog) is referring to. It’s the film ‘The Maltese Falcon’ starring Humphrey Bogart. He played detective Sam Spade. (a classic).

*****************************BONUS*********************************************

Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Fade out to black……

 

 

 

 

 

Mustard Meets Boloney. But Seriously!

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BoloneyYou’ve heard me mention many times about my talented artistic friend  Alexandre Rouillard, who is the ‘Boloney’ half of Mustard and Boloney. Well, what you may not realize is that the two of us do not even live in the same city or even the same province! (we do live in the same country though) He lives in Montreal, Quebec, and I live in Toronto, Ontario. It’s not too often we get together (the drive is about 6 hours) but last week he came to Toronto forcolor_0284_oz_state_line

 

a weeks vacation with his partner Sandy and their small dog Ziggy. Road trip!!

 

I gave him specific directions on how to get to my place but he forgot them at home! Naturally because of this fact he got off the highway at the wrong exit and was hopelessly lost.

 

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Before calling me he tried asking this nice gentleman (with the baguette) for help but was told he’d have to turn here, then there, then here again then…well. (how he drove to Paris I’ll never know. Maybe GPS really stands for ‘Going To Paris System’. Mnnnn)

Finally, I got the call and gave him new directions. (I could barely understand him though as he had he mouth full of bread and cheese)

For his arrival I had pulled out all the stops and organized a block party! It took me months to get the city to agree to it.

Surprisingly, Kong was available and eager to assist. (he had read a copy of out new book entitled, ‘Butt Seriously’ and loved it!)

 

 

 

Upon arrival, Alexandre’s first order of business was to attend that evenings baseball game. (he is an avid Blue Jays fan). So, I drove him and Sandy down to the stadium to enjoy.

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under the clock

 

While he was here we went out shopping and took along our new book in the hope someone would buy a copy.

Here we are selling it under a big clock. (a crowd of two did eventually form later and oddly enough asked us the time)

 

 

 

We also attended the musical ‘The Book of Mormon’, which is written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, favourite writers of Alexandre.the book

As you can clearly see I’m trying to sell the book while Alexandre is re-enacting the entire musical on the street for any and all passers bye. It took me over two hours to sell one book! (during his intermission) Many people commented favourably though on Alexandre’s magnificent singing voice while others remarked at what an adept and nimble dancer he was.

Here is a picture of Alexandre and Sandy embracing. (notice his slight resistance as she caught him just in the middle of an encore for the assembled crowd) Also included is a photo of Alexandre and my wife Terry. (she too was so taken by his street performance that she needed a tree for support to prevent her from falling over in ‘awe’)

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But, alas, all good things must come to an end and Alexandre, Sandy and Ziggy had to leave my fair city to drive back to Montreal and home!color_0273_wells

Adieu, my friends. Until we meet again Terry and I wish you well. (and our legion of fans wish you to keep drawing!)

Bon voyage!

(I realize that phrase is generally used when one is taking an ocean cruise but with Alexandre’s driving prowess over water he could just end up in Egypt.)

Here’s hoping he just makes it back home to the safety of his bathtub.

 

 

 

 

 

Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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As I get older I tend to look back on some of the choices that I’ve made in the past. (did I really want fries with that? Should I have gone with salad? Or would I have been happy enough with just the burger? ) Is it the same for everyone as you age? What might the outcome of something had been if I’d chosen a completely different menu path? (I’d probably not be as heavy if only I had of avoided those tasty fries; thank heavens for Lipitor) Have I ‘evolved’ or simply gone along for the ride?

Someone once said to me that he was an expert in his chosen field because he had twenty years experience on the job (and with the same company).

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I was suitably impressed then sat and thought more about that statement a bit. (while I ate a few fries) What was he really saying? Was it, “I have twenty years experience on the job” or rather, “I have one years experience twenty times.” Had he ‘evolved’ or just remained relatively the same?

 

 

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Perhaps that is a question that can only be answered by a higher authority than I.

Perhaps there is no ‘right’ answer; only lefts.

Perhaps every bone is connected, and it doesn’t matter what road you take so long as you don’t fall over a rock (or untied shoelace) and break any of them.

 

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Maybe I need to make a list of things that had circumstances been different I might have done.

Maybe I need to actually ‘do’ some of those things on that list. Experience them fully without bumping into..well, you know..the guy in the  dark robe.

Maybe I need to ‘walk the walk’ and not’ talk the talk’.

Maybe I should check my thesaurus and find another word (s)  to use instead of ‘maybe’ all the time.

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Life is definitely full of multiple choices.

You say ‘tomato; I say ‘tomahto’. You say ‘potato’; I say ‘potahto’.

Everything is relative.

And, speaking of relatives, I wonder what this fish did evolve in to? (maybe me) But, it would have stayed the same had it not left the security of the pond.

So, is it time for a change? Are you ready to leave the warm waters of ‘same old, same old’?

If so, then I humbly suggest you take along some scuba gear. You may occasionally  wish to return to your humble beginnings for a bit of familiarity from time-to-time, and to visit those whose road was not as dry and traveled as yours.

 

Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!

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Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather)

 

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Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!

If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.

(and read our book)

If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of cheese.

(and read our book)

If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both houses and tear down that fence!

(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)

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Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like:  your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (although for us city dwellers it would be more like raccoons than insects).

Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right?

 

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So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!

Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?

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But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.

 

 

 

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So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book (here) and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. It’s a great source of much needed roughage as well!

By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.

(and isn’t that better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)

Bon appetit!

 

 

Our Book ‘Butt Seriously’ Is On The Move Again. Seriously.

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A few posts back I wrote about how a purchaser of our latest book entitled ‘ Butt Seriously’ took it and traveled all around Amsterdam taking pictures, and then sent me the photos. Well, I just received new pictures from another satisfied buyer by the name of Sandy, showing our new book travelling around Montreal in Quebec. Seriously!!

 

Here it is in front of their Olympic stadium. Perhaps after a breakfast of champions our humorous panels will be ready to run in the 400 meters against Usain Bolt. And, we may even

IMG_2873win as Usain will be so doubled over with laughter (at the thought of sprinting against a cartoon book) that he will be unable to run like the wind.

Gold medal win for ‘Butt Seriously’. Yes!!

 

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Our book in this photo seems content to just gaze out over the city, basking in the warming sun. (let’s hope it has on plenty of sunblock. Don’t want the ‘Butt’ to get burned. Seriously)

Note: This is the back cover of the book. Here’s what it looks like a little bigger.

 

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Yes, those are our caricatures. I, on the left, have been told I look like Sir Richard Branson. And, Alexandre, on the right, has been told that I look like Sir Richard Branson.

(Alexandre always wears copious amounts of sunblock on his head so as not to burn his creative brain)

 

 

 

 

Here we have an interesting photo. It looks as though our book has been pumping iron, and has bulked up considerably. It’s almost as big as that statue in the back!

Note: No banned substances or prohibited steroids were used in the making of this book.

 

 

 

Not all pictures of the book were taken outside.

Here, it’s quietly resting inside – after a busy day on the track – next to Sandy’s dog Ziggy.

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Note: This picture must have been taken just as the book arrived and had not been read yet, because if it had been studied then Ziggy would be smiling, waging his tail, and showing us teeth of laughter.

Actually, just seeing the cover of ‘Butt Seriously’ inspired this pooch to go and immediately make a boloney sandwich.

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One with plenty of Mustard of course!

Bon appetit.

Or, in this rare case,

Bone appetit!

 

Keep those photos coming!! We love to hear – and see – where our book has been. Seriously.