Category Archives: humor

Education, In The First Degree

There was an interesting movie that I once saw on television; one that made me think allot about education versus experience. The film? It was titled “Teacher’s Pet”. Made in 1958, it starred Clark Gable, Doris Day and Gig Young. I remember seeing it before I went into university. The one line from the film that stuck with me was, “Education is the horse; experience, the jockey.”

Nowadays, it seems that just about everyone needs a degree in something just to get into any entry level position with a company. No longer can you not even obtain a high school education and still manage to find work. Everything seems so highly skilled in today’s market. And, of course, you must attend the best schools! (whatever they may be.) But, education is increasing unaffordable for all, and sometimes the professors they hire at these institutions leave much to be desired.

I feel that quality education is the one thing that should be provided to all for free. Knowledge opens up more doors than it closes. Sure, they have been success stories of those who have not finished a so-called ‘formal education’. Some notable people include: Steve Jobs (Apple), Bill Gates (Microsoft), David Karp (creator of Tumblr), Richard Branson (CEO of Virgin), Quentin Tarantino (writer/director of Reservoir Dogs), and Peter Jackson (writer/director of ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy).

This is not to say that one can’t go back to school at a later time should one wish. I myself started university when I was 29 years old. I had worked for many years in radio but felt I needed a change. Sure it may be daunting to return – as high school was so long ago – but exciting at the same time!

Campus life is also an interesting one. You’ll certainly meet interesting people, engage in new ideas with professors, and ponder some of life’s larger questions with peers. Questions such as: ‘Why do hotdogs come in a pack of 12 while the buns only come in a pack of 8?’. (course needed to decipher answer: ‘Rocket Science’.)

Or: why does the mother of Honey Boo Boo date a man of such dubious credentials? (course needed: psychology 101, 201, 301 and so on -including a masters)

Or ‘what does this cartoon actually mean?’ (course needed: all of them!)

So, no matter what your choice of school is try to keep it fun. Learning should not be dry and boring but alive and electric!

And, if it’s not exciting and informative then I suggest you dress up like these fellows and walk into class. Sure you’ll make heads turn but once you’ve mastered the art of ‘pie throwing’ or ‘wearing that false nose’ they will all envy and respect you. If they don’t then pour seltzer water down the professor’s pants. This will at least get you noticed and possibly put on the ‘dean’s list’. And, from there, well…who knows! Is doesn’t matter when you start your educational journey just so long as you start. So climb that horse and take charge!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”

Nelson Mandela

Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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Exciting news! Several Mustard and Boloney cartoons will be shown in an art gallery. That’s right! We were asked to be part of a show featuring black/white art, so we printed up several large versions of some of our cartoons (in black and white of course) and had them framed. The prints are hand-signed by both Alexandre and myself. We are the only cartoonists to be invited to this particular show. Who knows, maybe Lady Gaga will stop in and buy one or two prints. (she may even end up wearing them at some point. Earrings?)

Here’s an example of one of the pictures we’ve had framed for the show. (the size is 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

And, here’s another that looks great blown up and mounted under glass. (also 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

For those of you who live in the Toronto area here are the particulars of where the show is being held, and the date.

Black and White Art Exhibit

October 29th – November 4th

Ben Navaee Gallery

1107 Queen Street East

Toronto, Ontario.

416-466-3996

Opening Reception takes place November 1st, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

It’s for one week only so your window to view -and perhaps purchase – them is short. I will be at the Saturday night gala (minus the chef’s hat but probably wearing my shoes made of boloney) from 6:30-8:30. Hope to see you all there!

A Year Older, But Wiser?

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Well dear readers, this week is an interesting one because as I look at the calender I notice that it’s my (insert age here) birthday week. And just like our aging planet Earth (over 4.5 billion years and counting) I too am starting to feel a bit rusty in spots, a touch weak in the eyes, and no longer can I digest 12 corn chili dogs in one sitting. (and we won’t even discuss my hair loss although compared to Alexandre I think I’m doing pretty good.)

(I’m on the left; Alexandre is on the right)

At my (insert age here) stage of life perhaps I should book an appointment with my family doctor and get a complete physical. You know, check under the hood, so to speak.

(As a kid I did happen to swallow some loose change once that I found under a couch pillow, and as of yet it has not been accounted for)

But, that’s not for a lack of effort on my part. Maybe too much effort in fact.

Actually, I’ll probably need all that loose change – and more – as retirement looms somewhere over a distant horizon. (perhaps I should start swallowing a dollar a day now and with any luck – and allot of compound interest – I might just be okay)

Only drawback to that is weight gain. (I’ll just tell people I’m banking on my future and that once I’m retired then watch out for rapid weight loss!)

Fortunately, I pleased to report, I still have my funny bone (now where did I put that thing – oh

there it is holding up my open window), and along with Alexandre’s fabulous artistry, we will continue to hopefully bring a smile to your face, and put a song in your heart. (actually for that last part I’d need to get Katy Perry to assist as neither Alexandre nor I can hold a tune.)

And, I guess I should start doing more Sudokos to keep that brain in tip-top shape. (now where did I leave that thing again?)

Laughter is indeed the best medicine no matter what a couple of clowns like Alexandre and I say. (I’m the clown on the left of course as he has more hair)

I plan on laughing right up until the end (unless it happens when I’m in a movie theatre watching an Adam Sandler picture then I’ll be definitely going out crying).

On my tombstone they should write something like, “Here lies Mustard. He never could tell the truth.”

Now, I’m off for chocolate cake (let’s hope it’s a money cake) and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!

Bon Appetit.

The Devil Made Me Write This.

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“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show. (In fact he won a grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)

Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on ice I would venture to say.)

Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of at that amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food, and suitable lodgings.

Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?

Possibly.

Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?

Maybe.

Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?

Probably.

A great film called ‘The Exorcist’ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil. I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?” Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius? (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)

And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.

With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.

Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (who really know who started the ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)

Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record, as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit).

Fall Is In The Air

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October is a great time of the year here in Canada. Not only is it the month I was born in but it’s also the time when cooler temperatures settle in, trees change colour almost overnight (before dropping their crimson red or amber leaves to the forest floor) and thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner with family fills ones heart and mind.

But, other thoughts crowd in too because as Fall creeps in summer unfortunately peters out – and with it the heat! No longer can one wear plaid shorts, a tank top and sandals. And, most certainly wearing no clothes at all is definitely out of the question! (Sweaters and jackets are the new order of the day.)

Naturally, as the weather changes one can no more indulge in some of the more ‘warm

weather’ sports.

(I’d say this fellows handicap is off the charts!)

Those other notable companions that make up his foursome include: Dracula, The Werewolf and of course, The Mummy. (Dracula, rumour has it, is a lousy golf partner, as he apparently sucks the ‘life’ out of any game he’s in. Although, when you think about it, his partners are all already dead anyway.)

Also, as the temperature outside dips so does one ‘stop dipping’ because it’s too darn cold!.

(One could of course go to an indoor pool but then one wouldn’t get a tan now would they? Nor could you watch the traffic fly past as you’re speeding down the highway in the fast lane while floating on an inflatable chair, drink in hand, so above it all in your Google self-driving car.)

The Fall also brings with it a student’s quest for higher learning, as Colleges and Universities

open up their campuses to the inquiring mind.

(the tuition they charge at this institution is so astronomically high it should be considered criminal)

So, I say get out now and enjoy the crisp autumn weather while you can, because soon enough old man winter will not only be breathing down your neck but also up through the back ‘trap door’ of your long johns. Brrrrrrrrrr.

Bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate and let me warm my toes by a cozy wood fire!

*****************************CONTEST SOLVED*********************************

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all. And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like me.)

*****************************BONUS*********************************************Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Fade In.

Movies have always been a passion of mine. From as far back as I can remember I’ve always enjoyed them. So much so in fact, that when I went to university I majored in Film Studies. And, as luck would have it, I won their top award for screenwriting. (one script became the basis for the full-length feature film ‘The Night Watchman’ )

So, when I started cartooning, many films, their characters, their settings and such naturally became fair game for my cinematic imagination, and Alexandre’s creative pen. Can you name the movie inspiration for the above cartoon? Even better, what year was it made and exactly who was in it? (Try not to use Google.)

I sent this interesting send-up of a popular franchise to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for his opinion – and he loved it!

Here’s an odd twist on a famous scene from the movie ‘Ben Hur’. (Charlton Heston would be proud. Bring on the chariot race!) This 1959 film was directed by one of my favourite directors. His name? William Wyler. (his other notable works include: Dodsworth (1936), Mrs. Miniver (1942), The Heiress (1945), The Best Years Of Our Lives (1946), Roman Holiday (1953), The Collector (1965), and Funny Girl (1968).

(I actually have the original movie posters for Ben Hur from the cinema display windows – when they used to do that – framed, and hanging in my office at home.)

In keeping with the Roman times theme, I thought this was a nice twist on a classic line. Again, can you name the film? HInt: It stars Robert DeNiro (duh)

(Actually early film stock was quite flammable so maybe that’s what started this fire. Apparently, Nero love the cinema but didn’t store the negatives properly!)

Personally, I just love black and white films. There are just so many layers to them. It’s too bad they colourize them now, because once done, it washes out the shadings and flattens the imagery. If they originated in colour, that’s okay, but to paint it in, no. (watch any film noir picture like ‘Scarlet Street’ (1945), ‘In A Lonely Place (1950) or ‘The Big heat’ (1953) and you’ll see a prime example of how a black and white film can and should look) To see these films uncut – in their original form – check out movie station TCM (Turner Classic Movies)

*************************** CONTEST ALERT *************************************

In keeping with our movie theme we here at Mustard and Boloney are offering up a free copy of our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ to the first two people who can figure out what movie this cartoon is referring to. E-mail your answer to: info@mustardandboloney.com. (hint: This film was made within the last 100 years. Ha!)

Good luck. And pass the buttered popcorn!

Fade Out.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog today. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like I)

Oh, and someone wondered what the first cartoon (with dog) is referring to. It’s the film ‘The Maltese Falcon’ starring Humphrey Bogart. He played detective Sam Spade. (a classic).

*****************************BONUS*********************************************

Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Fade out to black……

Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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As I get older I tend to look back on some of the choices that I’ve made in the past. (did I really want fries with that? Should I have gone with salad? Or would I have been happy enough with just the burger? ) Is it the same for everyone as you age? What might the outcome of something had been if I’d chosen a completely different menu path? (I’d probably not be as heavy if only I had of avoided those tasty fries; thank heavens for Lipitor) Have I ‘evolved’ or simply gone along for the ride?

Someone once said to me that he was an expert in his chosen field because he had twenty years experience on the job (and with the same company).

I was suitably impressed then sat and thought more about that statement a bit. (while I ate a few fries) What was he really saying? Was it, “I have twenty years experience on the job” or rather, “I have one years experience twenty times.” Had he ‘evolved’ or just remained relatively the same?

Perhaps that is a question that can only be answered by a higher authority than I.

Perhaps there is no ‘right’ answer; only lefts.

Perhaps every bone is connected, and it doesn’t matter what road you take so long as you don’t fall over a rock (or untied shoelace) and break any of them.

Maybe I need to make a list of things that had circumstances been different I might have done.

Maybe I need to actually ‘do’ some of those things on that list. Experience them fully without bumping into..well, you know..the guy in the dark robe.

Maybe I need to ‘walk the walk’ and not’ talk the talk’.

Maybe I should check my thesaurus and find another word (s) to use instead of ‘maybe’ all the time.

Life is definitely full of multiple choices.

You say ‘tomato; I say ‘tomahto’. You say ‘potato’; I say ‘potahto’.

Everything is relative.

And, speaking of relatives, I wonder what this fish did evolve in to? (maybe me) But, it would have stayed the same had it not left the security of the pond.

So, is it time for a change? Are you ready to leave the warm waters of ‘same old, same old’?

If so, then I humbly suggest you take along some scuba gear. You may occasionally wish to return to your humble beginnings for a bit of familiarity from time-to-time, and to visit those whose road was not as dry and traveled as yours.

Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!

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Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather)

Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!

If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.

(and read our book)

If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of cheese.

(and read our book)

If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both houses and tear down that fence!

(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)

Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like: your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (although for us city dwellers it would be more like raccoons than insects).

Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right?

So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!

Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?

But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.

So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book (here) and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. It’s a great source of much needed roughage as well!

By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.

(and isn’t that better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)

Bon appetit!

Back To School Blues. Or Greens. Or Reds. But Purple?

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Well, for most everyone I know that has children last week was indeed a hectic one. Why? Well, back to school of course! Gone are the days of loafing in the park staring up at the clouds, or taking in a extra inning ballgame. Now, there were lunches to prepare, supplies to be bought, clothes to be checked for fit and fashion, and for the wee ones, a little extra reassurance that the school they had yet to attend would not swallow them up, and they would indeed safely return home later that same day.

When I was a child I often felt a bit awkward in school because of our families past. It made making friends difficult and I was never allowed anyone over to the house. But, I still always enjoyed school. When talk of college came up (and which new town we needed to move to) my parents were very liberal and decided no ordinary college was right for me.

They assumed (mistakenly) that a B Sc (Bachelor of Studying Clowns) would lead to a very prominent job, as those initials were written into all the want adds of the time as a requirement.

So, off I went – in face paint and baggy pants – and happily completed the highly prestigious 3 year program (in just under 7 years!). I graduated ‘Magnum Cum Louder’ as my clothes were outragiously gregarious, my voice loud , and the hair shockingly….purple!!!!

I definitely stood out (at least that’s what the first 95 employers that interviewed me said)

Some told me my skills were outdated (court jesters faded out centuries ago one implied), while others suggested my degree wasn’t worth the macaroni it was printed on.

So, I went back to school to upgrade and perhaps learn a second language. (I was the only one to graduate this class because I ended up eating all of the other students. They went well with my burger)

Upon graduation – again – I still had no luck in finding work. It seems no on wanted a bilingual clown. (at least not outside government)

So, shifting gears, I entered automotive college but was expelled (driven out?) as every time we crashed into the wall I left face paint on the windshield (that took forever to wash off.) Also, they said that my baggy pants acted way too much like a natural airbag and defeated the purposes of many of their tests. (They should have mentioned all of the this before I had gotten those weird symbols tattooed on both sides of my head)

(a fellow classmate instagrammed me this photo of their graduation.)

So, what was a comedic person with numerous degrees to do? Well, I was fortunate enough to bump into another like-minded (heavily degree-tattoo laiden) clown by the name of Alexandre Rouillard.

(see ‘Our story’)

Together, we decided to open this virtual diner; one stocked with fresh jokes, tasty asides, and generous portions. We offer an interesting asylum to experience the usual events of life, unusually.

Bon appetit!

Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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Sales of our new cartoon book ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well. Thanks to all who have bought so far! (and to those that haven’t yet purchased I say “afraid of getting a little laughing gas?”) Quite frankly, when hungry for humor it’s best to eat a page a day from our book. (it’s also a great source of much needed roughage as well)

Also, thanks to those that have sent us photos of the books travels. Keep those pictures coming!

Interestingly, in my mail the other day I received this note from Kathleen, who resides in Massachusetts. She wrote,

“Hi Jeff. Loved the book!! Especially liked the bank teller joke. I got fired from a teller position in a bank once. One of the reasons was that I commented on the lack of hair (male) of a customer. He pouted and went to the bank manager and complained!”

Now, my first question upon reading her story was “Is that customer Mr. Potato head, and why so sensitive?”

And, my second question is, “What are the other reasons?”

Maybe she just didn’t fit in?

Or, took things a bit too literal in the workplace.

Well, whatever the reasons. we here at Mustard and Boloney wish her all the best in her new position as inmate 261238. (Guaranteed work for at least 8-10 years, and cannot be fired or let go for any reason whatsoever……now that’s job security!)

Embezzlement, it seems, is a huge cut above mentioning a customer has no hair. And, so is forgery for that matter. Ditto: insider trading.

Oh, and thanks Kathleen for the new license plates. I just love that their personalized too! (MBGR8FUN)

Mustard and Boloney Cartoons

Humorous Single Panel Cartoons

Category Archives: humor

Education, In The First Degree

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Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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A Year Older, But Wiser?

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The Devil Made Me Write This.

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Fall Is In The Air

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Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!

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Back To School Blues. Or Greens. Or Reds. But Purple?

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Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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