Alexandre and I are extremely proud and excited to have sold an astounding amount of copies of our new book ‘Butt, Seriously’. I have to use all my toes and fingers plus some of Alexandre’s to count that high.
To all of you who bought we give a heartfelt thanks. And, to those that haven’t yet managed to snag a copy we say: Why not? Is a heartfelt thanks not enough? Do you require a kidney too?
Or, are you secretly waiting for the deal of the century?
Well, here it is! Out in the open. THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY!
For a limited time we’re prepared to offer this fabulous deal: Buy one book at the regular price
and get an additional copy for only 5 bucks more! You heard – or rather read – that right. You can now get two copies of this humorous tome for only $25. (shipping, handling and taxes included.)
I will also personally hand-sign each and every copy of this collectors item, which contains over 100 of our classic cartoons, and all in full eye-popping colour.
WOW! I say WOW again. Never before has such an offer been written by me and in this blog.
I repeat (especially after Chili night at our house) : Get two copies of our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ for the unheard of price of only $25 dollars. Hey, I’ll even – as this cartoon suggests – throw in a cruise to further sweeten the deal, so long as you pay for the cruise/airfare and all the taxes yourself.
So, get you own copy of the book that Dan Piraro – creator of Bizarro – has been raving about RIGHT HERE by clicking with your mouse thingy. Butt seriously!
Good news fellow cartoon lovers. Mustard and Boloney’s humorous panels is being syndicated! That’s right!! We have just been picked up by Universal for on-line syndication.
Now, not only can you still enjoy our fresh, tasty entrees here at our cartoon diner, but now you will be able to order take-out from Universal.
Our official launch date is Monday May 25th.
You will be able to find us at: www.gocomics.com. To begin with we will be featured there every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
We will be positioned alongside such classics as: Calvin and Hobbs; Doonesbury; Peanuts; Dilbert; Adam@Home, Herman, Pearls Before Swine and Pooch Café.
I do hope you will check out our brand of irreverent humour at the new site. And, don’t forget to
tell all of your friends too!
Again, that’s Monday May 25th at: www.gocomics.com.
As Dan Piraro (creator of Bizarro) states:
“The real art of cartooning is to create a compelling illustration that facilitates a compelling gag. Caulfield (Mustard) and Rouillard (Boloney) are the most shining example of this unique combination I have seen in some time.”
Thanks Dan. We love your stuff too.
Again, that’s Monday May 25th at: www.gocomics.com.
We look forward to tickling your funny bone not only here with our blog, but with cartoons on GoComics as well. And if you bring it (funny bone)
to our front door we’ll tickle it in person.
Bon appetit.
“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show. (In fact he won a Grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)
Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on sidewalk ice I would venture to say.)
Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of that settlement amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food, suitable lodgings and an extra space heater for his office.
Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?
Possibly.
Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?
Maybe.
Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?
Probably.
A great film called ‘The Exorcist‘ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil.
I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?” Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius? (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)
And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.
With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.
Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (maybe he already has because who really started this ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)
Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit, and then up with the air conditioning.)
As I get older I tend to look back on some of the choices I’ve made in the past and wonder ‘what was I thinking?’. (Did I really wear platform shoes and polyester suits with bell-bottomed pants? Yes. And actually dance to disco music? Yes again. Did I dare mix peanut butter and chocolate before Reeses was invented? So true)
Is having these thoughts of ‘what if the road I took was a different one would my life be markedly different’ the same for everyone as you age? Do we all have a white John Travolta-type suit hanging in our closets waiting to be worn during that next disco dance to stardom? Or will it simply stay in the closet protected by moth balls, never to be used again? Have I ‘evolved’ or simply gone along for the ride?
Someone once said to me that he was an expert in his chosen field because he had twenty years experience on the job (and with the same company for the entire time).
I was suitably impressed then sat and thought more about that statement a bit. (while I ate a few peanut butter cups in my now chocolate stained white suit.)
What was he really saying?
Was it, “I have twenty year’s experience on the job” or rather, “I have one year’s experience twenty times.”
Had he ‘evolved’ or just remained relatively the same?
Perhaps that is a question that can only be answered by a higher authority than I.(my wife)
Perhaps there is no ‘right’ answer; only ‘lefts’. (and sometimes the odd middle)
Perhaps every bone is connected, and it doesn’t matter what road you take so long as you don’t fall over a rock (or from platform shoes) and break any of them.
Maybe I need to make a list of things that had circumstances been different I might have done.
Maybe I need to actually ‘do’ some of those things on that list. Experience them fully without bumping into, well, you know, the boney guy in the dark robe. (Question: Did ‘Death’ ever have any ‘life’ choices? Just wondering.)
Maybe I need to ‘walk the walk’ and not’ talk the talk’.
Maybe I should check my thesaurus and find another word (s) to use instead of ‘maybe’ all the time.
Life is definitely full of multiple choices.
You say ‘tomehto; I say ‘tomahto’. You say ‘potehto’; I say ‘potahto’.
Everything is relative.
And, speaking of relatives, I wonder what this fish did evolve in to? (maybe me) But, it would have stayed the same had it not left the security of the pond.
So, is it time for a change? Are you ready to leave the warm waters of ‘same old, same old’?
If so, then I humbly suggest you take along some scuba gear. You may occasionally wish to return to your humble beginnings for a bit of familiarity from time-to-time, and to visit those whose road was not as dry and traveled as yours.
Remember, evolution waits for no one. And no one evolves waiting.
What’s the one place most people do not like to visit? (other than the IRS?). Why, the dentist of course! Just thinking about those drills and needles makes my skin crawl. And don’t even mention root canals to me. I’ve had five already and I’m still in therapy. (i can’t look at or even eat a root vegetable; exposed roots of trees makes me shudder and I flunked out on math because they wanted the square root of so many numbers!) Even walking past the ‘Roots’ clothing store makes me break out in a cold sweat. Still, when you have a problem you have to go, right? Fortunately for me my dentist is a nice guy, and very popular with his patients (those that are still alive and able to eat more than just Jello) He even once tried tickling me to ease the stress, but I don’t tickle as I have no funny bone. (odd coming from a cartoonist, wouldn’t
you say?)
So, for my most recent visit he had to resort to more drastic measures to take my mind off of what he was about to do. He actually hired someone to come in and tell me the story of the ‘Tooth Fairy’, This was very kinf of him and I soon felt warm and fuzzy allover. Then he went to work. I was ready. I was pumped. I was completely drugged! (but happy in story-land)
As he probed I started to think if it was 
something I ate that brought on all these cavities and subsequent root canals.
I don’t really have a sweet tooth so what could it be?
Maybe I don’t brush or floss enough. (flossing would certainly help me to get rid of the stuff between my teeth from this fellows recipe. Although how does this instructor even floss -let alone eat – with that thing over his mouth anyway?)
I wonder if cannibals ever need to floss?
And, if they do, how odd it must feel to pull out part of your uncle Fred from between your teeth. Creepy. But I’ll bet their cavity rate is low as there’s 
no sugar in their diet to rot the teeth, unless they just ate their honey. (think about that one for a sec.)
My dentist finished up by saying all is good. He then helped dab the tears from my eyes before working on unclenching my fists.Then he commented on that he feels bad about inflicting pain on people all the time and maybe a new line of work might be the way to go. I suggested
he try politics (shoving taxes down peoples’ throats and getting them to pay is like pulling teeth, right?) or maybe a less stressful job such as a window store mannequin. You just sit there all day in the display window having people stare at you in a nice suit (or undergarments depending on what you are promoting.) What could be more relaxing? Well, lying on a beach in the Cayman islands with a drink in your hand, and the surf at your feet would be more calming for sure. Plus, if he were to do this he could keep a much closer eye on his off-shore account (s) .
Now there’s a thought he can really sink his teeth into.
We here at Mustard and Boloney’s cartoon diner continually search the world over looking for tasty dishes to introduce to you, our dear devoted patrons. Our criteria for this exotic food is a simple one: it must be low in calories, high in protein, and guaranteed to fill the stomach sans indigestion. And, as Alexandre is from Quebec (and speaks fluent French) and I from Ontario (and speak fluent Ontarian) then it’s great to offer up something in at least two languages!
As mentioned we try to limit our use of calorie-laden carbohydrates for those watching their waste-lines. And for those eschewing meat our vegetarian dishes are to just die for! (I, Mustard am a vegetarian whereas Boloney, is not)
Alexandre (Boloney) thinks I am a little crazy for giving up meat and I think he’s a little odd being named after a popular luncheon meat. (though the spelling is different) What were his parents thinking anyway?
Maybe they foresaw that in the future he would team up with a Mustard-loving writer; one who would make sure their son 
would at least eat his vegetables along with all that meat. I mean without me he wouldn’t have broccoli and legume gas!! (thank heavens he lives over 500 kilometers away in another city)
At our diner we use only the finest in state-of-the art cookware too. No half-measures and no teflon-coated pans used here. (a watched pot never boils and our friend here is making sure that’s true; no wonder he needs help)
And, we use only the finest seasonings known to man (and a few that are not) to spice up our
signature dishes. (yes, we sign our name onto every dish that leaves our gourmet kitchen).
We do this because when people say ‘bite me’ to us we quickly reply that they already have.
As you can plainly see Alexandre doesn’t require the use of a hair net. (This came about after his barber ate at our diner but couldn’t afford to pay the bill, complaining about getting scalped). Alexandre decided to get ‘free’ haircuts for a year as opposed to making the poor fellow do the dishes. So now 
the only thing that Alexandre drops into what he cooks is humorous anecdotes. (that’s why people leave our restaurant smiling, happy, and loaded with laughing gas.)
Well, the lunch crowd is making their way into our diner so I have to go and make some French
fries. (the old-fashioned way). It seems that’s one of our most popular side-dishes! (we do bake not fry them as to be calorie conscious.)
Remember, the meat of our offerings is humor, complemented by a side order of irreverence, and all manner of situations and subjects. We are happy to create the delicious ‘aha’ moment with every meal. Thinking outside the icebox is mandatory in this diner, and some dishes may cause you to stand on your head and think, “So that’s what it all going to cost. They’re panels are very affordable indeed!”
Bon appetite!
Here again is my cat Subira. (I’ve mentioned her before in a previous post) She is an absolutely adorable sweetie, and as you know I always run my cartoons by her for an opinion. (for this photo I shot it through my glass back doors. She is waiting patiently for me to take her out for her walk, which I do everyday on a leash. Weather permitting of course. She does not like her delicate toes to get too wet or too cold.)
Today, she asked if I would let her pick some of her favourites from the catalogue of Mustard and Boloney cartoons to place into this post. I said sure! So, take it away Subira!!
This one (just completed) seemed to catch her eye. (oddly enough, even though Subira does not
drink when she is playing those beautiful blue eyes turn completely blood red. Mmnnn. I do check her breath; nothing but kibble odour there.)
She even has a habit of lying on her back with her tummy exposed. Life imitating art?
This next one she wanted in as she loved the twist on a familiar theme. She has nothing against dogs; as a matter of fact she actually likes them, and when we are out walking she goes right over to meet them. She is extremely social. 
As you know cats need their beauty sleep and Subira is no exception. Here she has curled up into my clothes box for a quick snooze. (all this cartoon picking has worn her
out) This momentary break gives me time to create fresh material and do some much needed laundry.
(Her naps can take a while so you may want to go to the fridge for a beer and a sandwich. Maybe even take in a movie.)
She’s awake again! But we’ll be a few minutes more as she needs a snack, some play time and a quick walk around the block to meet and greet her other furry friends. Ah, to be a cartoonist’s cat.
Again looking back over some of the past panels she selected this classic as her next offering.
Actually, it was the very first cartoon Alexandre (Boloney) and I ever did. (it still actually makes me laugh out loud) This cartoon is also
featured in our latest book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’. (get your copy here)
Every time Subira sees this cartoon she rolls over onto her back and smiles. (and every time she does that I immediately check her breath; still kibbliy)
Good choice!
I read the paper every morning over breakfast to know what goes on in the world. And Subira – like any cat – likes to flop down onto the newspaper, causing me to have to read 
around her body.
She chose this next cartoon in response to what we have read together. (she bribed me with some of her kibble to print it.)
I find cartoons great in that they can convey so much in so little space – one frame!
As you can see Subira is resting now after having done the bulk of the work for this post. (it would be even more helpful to me if she could type.)
I must let her do this again sometime.
Perhaps on her birthday in April.
She is so purrfect at selecting cartoons!!
Right about now – especially for Alexandre and myself – we are of the mindset that spring should be here instead of a couple more months of bitter cold. But, as our happy friend in this cartoon remarks it’s all in how you view it. (In Canada temperatures are in Celsius; if I convert it to Fahrenheit it would be warmer) Fair enough. I still view it as winter though AND I STILL WANT IT TO BE SPRING! There’s a reason they call this time the ‘dead of winter’. Not too much to do but hunker down inside the home, try to stay warm and keep taking vitamin D.
Even my cat Subira (who I have trained to go for walks on a leash) wants to be outside. She gets a bit antsy being cooped up inside during the coldest time of year but, what’s one to do? I do get her out when the weather co-operates but if it’s bitter cold and accompanied by a meter of snow then forget it! We stay inside, sipping hot drinks and playing chess. (how one can lose to a cat needs further explanation, and I’m not going to give it. I’m mocked enough by family, friends 
and neighbours – even the odd dog – so let it lie.)
Although losing three weeks in a row did eventually send me out into the frostbite to have a few drinks with some old friends at a local watering hole. At least there I seemed to be the happiest of the bunch. (one guy even lost to his parakeet at blackjack.)
Later that night on my way home from the pub I did bump into these happy-go-lucky guys. 
They seemed good with the cold and knew how to best roll with it. They offered to hoist me up onto their shoulders for a spin but I said I don’t monkey around after having a few drinks, and declined. They took it in stride and didn’t go totally ‘apeshit’ all over me.
Once back home I went to bed and dreamed of the approaching winter’s thaw. Next morning I a
woke only to be surrounded by water! It seems Subira had poked a few holes in my water bed during the night and I had sprung a leak! (that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.)
Spring will be here soon enough and Subira and I will walk the streets again, basking in the heat. But in the meantime I’m thinking of taking a few on-line courses to ‘up my game’ so as not to keep losing to her.
Maybe I need to change games to , say, go fish. No, I have a hunch she’d be good at that too.
Stay warm!
Well 2015 is finally here and with it comes the hope of a great year ahead. (what it doesn’t come with – like most of your Christmas presents – is a money back guarantee should you not like it). And thus far, how many New Year’s eve resolutions have you managed to keep? (out of a dozen or so promised?) As for myself I tend not to make any end of the year resolutions; if I want to change something I just simply do it instead of waiting.
But for most the dawn of a different year brings fresh hope and renewed vigour that their goal(s) can be achieved. No more same old, same old!
Perhaps you’re trying to lose a little weight. Well one could adjust their food intake alone but certainly doing a little exercise will help. It may not feel like heaven doing it but in the end you’ll 
look and feel so much better.
And, when your friends ask how did you loose those twenty pounds? Simply tell them to ‘go to Hell’. (and don’t forget to smile when you say that)
Shedding unwanted pounds is near the top of many peoples’ resolution list, along with giving up smoking or cutting back on drinking.
Unfortunately it’s one of the first to be tossed aside when one passes the nearest baker, deli place or kid with a chocolate bar in her hand.
At least this deli place requires you to hike a nearby mountain top to get it, so you’ll definitely be working off that pastrami and cheese sandwich. (and everything else you ate for the last five months)
Maybe one of your (non-binding) resolutions was to finally get out of your rut and see more of the world.
Bravo! It’s good to get out from behind that computer screen and actually see all you can see from sea to shining sea.
Now, you don’t have to be extreme in your changes. Maybe simply resolve to walk a different way home after school or work. Volunteer to help others and give back to the community. Or wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. Resolve to think outside the box. Change should always be viewed as a positive.
What’s that you say? You want to change your job completely this year? Then do it right now! It’s never too late to begin a new career. (Print out this cartoon and carry it in your wallet for inspiration.)
Alexandre and I have had several jobs before we opened our Mustard and Boloney cartoon diner. We’ve found that we’re much better at frying up jokes than cookin’ the books.
So, start 2015 off with a bang! And remember, once you’ve made a change – stick with it. Resolve to make those resolutions stick. (use crazy glue if need be)
Oh, and by-the-way, the milkshake you ordered is ready; the one made with skim milk, low fat ice cream and artificial sweetener.
Bon Apetite!
