Open Wide. This Won’t Hurt A Bit. Seriously.

What’s the one place most people do not like to visit? (other than the IRS?). Why, the dentist of course! Just thinking about those drills and needles makes my skin crawl. And don’t even mention root canals to me. I’ve had five already and I’m still in therapy. (i can’t look at or even eat a root vegetable; exposed roots of trees makes me shudder and I flunked out on math because they wanted the square root of so many numbers!) Even walking past the ‘Roots’ clothing store makes me break out in a cold sweat. Still, when you have a problem you have to go, right?  Fortunately for me my dentist is a nice guy, and very popular with his patients (those that are still alive and able to eat more than just Jello) He even once tried tickling me to ease the stress, but I don’t tickle as I have no funny bone. (odd coming from a cartoonist, wouldn’tcolor_0443_tooth_ferry you say?)

So, for my most recent visit he had to resort to more drastic measures to take my mind off of what he was about to do. He actually hired someone to come in and tell me the story of the ‘Tooth Fairy’, This was very kinf of him and I soon felt warm and fuzzy allover. Then he went to work. I was ready. I was pumped. I was completely drugged! (but happy in story-land)

As he probed I started to think if it was color_0296_hannibalsomething I ate that brought on all these cavities and subsequent root canals.

I don’t really have a sweet tooth so what could it be?

Maybe I don’t brush or floss enough. (flossing would certainly help me to get rid of the stuff between my teeth from this fellows recipe. Although how does this instructor even floss -let alone eat – with that thing over his mouth anyway?)

I wonder if cannibals ever need to floss?

And, if they do, how odd it must feel to pull out part of your uncle Fred from between your teeth. Creepy. But I’ll bet their cavity rate is low as there’s color_0377_cannibalno sugar in their diet to rot the teeth, unless they just ate their honey. (think about that one for a sec.)

My dentist finished up by saying all is good. He then helped dab the tears from my eyes before working on unclenching my fists.Then he commented on that he feels bad about inflicting pain on people all the time and maybe a new line of work might be the way to go. I suggested

color_0640_wisdom_toothhe try politics (shoving taxes down peoples’ throats and getting them to pay is like pulling teeth, right?) or maybe a less stressful job such as a window store mannequin. You just sit there all day in the display window having people stare at you in a nice suit (or undergarments depending on what you are promoting.) What could be more relaxing? Well, lying on a beach in the Cayman islands with a drink in your hand, and the surf at your feet would be more calming for sure. Plus, if he were to do this he could keep a much closer eye on his off-shore account (s) .

Now there’s a thought he can really sink his teeth into.


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