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Category Archives: children
Got Back To School Blues? Try Purple Instead!
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Well, for most everyone I know that has children, this week will indeed be a hectic one. Why? Well, back to school of course! Gone are the days of loafing in the park staring up at the clouds, or taking in an extra inning ballgame. Now, they’ll be lunches to prepare, supplies to be bought, clothes to be checked for fit and fashion, and for the wee ones, a little extra reassurance that the school they have yet to attend will not swallow them up, and they will indeed safely return home later that same day.
When I was a child I often felt a bit awkward in school because of our families past. It made making friends difficult and I was never allowed anyone over to the house.
But, I still always enjoyed school. When talk of college came up (and which new town we needed to move on to) my parents were very liberal, and decided no ordinary college was right for me.
They assumed, mistakenly, that a B Sc (Bachelor of Studying Clowns) would lead to a very prominent job, as those initials were written into all the want adds of the time as a requirement.
So, off I went – in face paint and baggy pants – and happily completed the highly prestigious 3 year program in just under 7 years!. I graduated ‘Magnum Cum Louder’ as my clothes were outrageously gregarious, my voice loud , and the hair shockingly….purple!!!!
I definitely stood out (at least that’s what the first 95 employers that interviewed me said).
Some told me my skills were outdated (court jesters faded out centuries ago one implied), while others suggested my degree wasn’t worth the macaroni it was printed on.
So, I went back to school to upgrade and perhaps learn a second language. I was the only one to graduate this class because I ended up eating all of the other students. They went well with my burger.
Upon graduation – again – I still had no luck in finding work. It seems no on wanted a bilingual clown. (at least not outside our Canadian Federal government)
So, shifting gears, I entered automotive college but was expelled (driven out?) as every time we crashed into the wall I left face paint on the windshield that took forever to wash off. Also, they said that my baggy pants acted way too much like a natural airbag and defeated the purposes of many of their tests. (They should have mentioned all of the this before I had gotten those weird symbols tattooed on both sides of my head.)
A fellow classmate instagrammed me this photo of their graduation. Wish I was there.
So, what was a comedic person with numerous degrees to do? Well, I was fortunate enough to bump into another like-minded, and heavily degree,tattoo laiden clown by the name of Alexandre Rouillard.
(see ‘Our story’)
Together, we decided to open this virtual diner; one stocked with fresh jokes, tasty asides, and generous portions. We offer an interesting asylum to experience the usual events of life, unusually.
Bon appetit!
Boloney Illustrates New Children’s Book. Seriously!
There is exciting news here at Mustard and Boloney’s cartoon diner! Alexandre Rouillard (Boloney) has just completed illustrating a brand new children’s book called: Lulupop, Pants! No Chance!
And, I have been privileged enough to receive an advance copy. I can honestly say that the story is strong and of course Alexandre’s artistry – as always – is impeccable. His style is a departure from our usual offerings here on our comedic diner but then it needs to be, as the book is designed for, well, why not let the author herself describe it? Take it away Susan Lanyi.
Pants! No Chance! is a picture book directed at preschool and primary school children. The story focuses on Lulupop, a girl who simply loves dresses and does not like wearing pants. Lulupop and her mother struggle daily but Lulupop is a feisty heroine with a mind of her own and she insists on wearing dresses no matter what the situation. Through her own personal experience Lulupop eventually understands in particular situations it is more sensible to wear pants.
The inspiration for the main character Lulupop and “Pants! No Chance!” was Susan Lanyi’s three year-old daughter Leah who always wanted to wear dresses. Susan believed that she was not the only one living this battle with her preschooler. Other parents must have had similar experiences. Thus the idea for Pants! No Chance! was born.
Thanks Susan for visiting our diner and bringing this book to our attention. And, Alexandre Rouillard’s stunning water-colors certainly have brought life and breath to Lulupop the “Girl Who Loves Dresses.”
Thanks Susan. I already know of one young person I will make sure gets a copy, and that’s my granddaughter Maisey. (who loves dresses as well).
To order your own copy of this great children’s’ book visit:
Are You Seeing Double? Yes, You Are!
Alexandre and I are extremely proud and excited to have sold an astounding amount of copies of our new book ‘Butt, Seriously’. I have to use all my toes and fingers plus some of Alexandre’s to count that high.
To all of you who bought we give a heartfelt thanks. And, to those that haven’t yet managed to snag a copy we say: Why not? Is a heartfelt thanks not enough? Do you require a kidney too?
Or, are you secretly waiting for the deal of the century?
Well, here it is! Out in the open. THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY!
For a limited time we’re prepared to offer this fabulous deal: Buy one book at the regular price
and get an additional copy for only 5 bucks more! You heard – or rather read – that right. You can now get two copies of this humorous tome for only $25. (shipping, handling and taxes included.)
I will also personally hand-sign each and every copy of this collectors item, which contains over 100 of our classic cartoons, and all in full eye-popping colour.
WOW! I say WOW again. Never before has such an offer been written by me and in this blog.
I repeat (especially after Chili night at our house) : Get two copies of our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ for the unheard of price of only $25 dollars. Hey, I’ll even – as this cartoon suggests – throw in a cruise to further sweeten the deal, so long as you pay for the cruise/airfare and all the taxes yourself.
So, get you own copy of the book that Dan Piraro – creator of Bizarro – has been raving about RIGHT HERE by clicking with your mouse thingy. Butt seriously!
Our Youngest Fans Love Extra Mustard On Their Boloney. Seriously!
This is my granddaughter Maisy. You may remember me speaking about her from several posts back. What a doll! She called me the other day to let me know just how much she enjoyed reading our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.
She loved it so much that she began passing it around to family and friends. (next time I’ll have to encourage her to ‘sell’ the book to her friends, not loan it out. I need the money to start that college fund!)
Here it is in the hands of her sister Gemma, (another fabulous granddaughter) who is ecstatic to get it. And, why not? it’s packed full of cartoons – over 100
of them – for any and all ages.
Actually, I believe when Gemma was born the doctor was reading a copy and as he was laughing so hard when she entered the world I know Gemma will grow up to have an excellent sense of humour. ( he also slapped her bottom using our book instead of the usual hand slap hence she ‘giggled’.) And she’s never looked back.
As you can see the book in her hand has been 
well-traveled and seen better days meaning many have enjoyed its humour! (I believe even the family dog glanced through it and tried to bury it for future generations to dig up and enjoy.)
With that in mind Gemma requested a new copy – one without dog ‘spittle’ on it. I gave her one and here she is having just finished reading it cover-to-cover. And check out that happy smile! (another satisfied customer)
And, you may ask, what was her favourite cartoon? She said she just loved the one on page 8. (now you’ll have to get your own copy to see her preferred panel.) 
Here are my two little princesses discussing the book amongst themselves, and reliving their joy at having feasted at a banquet of hilarious jokes. I’ll bet they are discussing each and every panel in detail.
That gives me an idea for a cartoon! I’m jotting the idea down right now. (don’t tell them that they inspired it or they may want royalties of some sort) I think I’ll just give them all the mustard and bologne they can eat and let it go at that)
And, maybe another free book.
(okay two free ones.)
Here it is! A cartoon fit for not one but two princesses.
(I especially like the ‘no coaches’ sign in front of the store)
And, although you can’t see it she is wearing glass slippers under her dress.
And, in her giant handbag she has, of course, a copy of our book. (she’s probably taking it into the print place to run off illegal copies. Mnnnn.)
Thanks Maisy and Gemma for all your inspiration and kind words about our latest book.
If you two ladies have any ideas you’d like me to work on then jot them down and hand them over. I will give you full credit, of course.
Keep on smiling. Your grandpa loves you both!!!
Butt Seriously…………….
(get your own copy of our book here. I personally sign each purchase and mail for it to you for free.)