Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Fade In.

Movies have always been a passion of mine. From as far back as I can remember I’ve always enjoyed them. So much so in fact, that when I went to university I majored in Film Studies. And, as luck would have it, I won their top award for screenwriting. (one script became the basis for the full-length feature film ‘The Night Watchman’ )

So, when I started cartooning, many films, their characters, their settings and such naturally became fair game for my cinematic imagination, and Alexandre’s creative pen. Can you name the movie inspiration for the above cartoon? Even better, what year was it made and exactly who was in it? (Try not to use Google.)

 

I sent this interesting send-up of a popular franchise to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for his opinion – and he loved it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s an odd twist on a famous scene from the movie ‘Ben Hur’. (Charlton Heston would be proud. Bring on the chariot race!) This 1959 film was directed by one of my favourite directors. His name? William Wyler. (his other notable works include: Dodsworth (1936), Mrs. Miniver (1942), The Heiress (1945), The Best Years Of Our Lives (1946), Roman Holiday (1953), The Collector (1965), and Funny Girl (1968).

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(I actually have the original movie posters for Ben Hur from the cinema display windows – when they used to do that – framed, and hanging in my office at home.)

 

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In keeping with the Roman times theme, I thought this was a nice twist on a classic line. Again, can you name the film?  HInt: It stars Robert DeNiro (duh)

(Actually early film stock was quite flammable so maybe that’s what started this fire. Apparently, Nero love the cinema but didn’t store the negatives properly!)

Personally, I just love black and white films. There are just so many layers to them. It’s too bad they colourize them now, because once done, it washes out the shadings and flattens the imagery. If they originated in colour, that’s okay,  but to paint it in, no. (watch any film noir picture like ‘Scarlet Street’ (1945), ‘In A Lonely Place (1950) or ‘The Big heat’ (1953) and you’ll see a prime example of how a black and white film can and should look) To see these films uncut – in their original form – check out movie station TCM (Turner Classic Movies)

***************************  CONTEST ALERT   *************************************

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In keeping with our movie theme we here at Mustard and Boloney are offering up a free copy of our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ to the first two people who can figure out what movie this cartoon is referring to. E-mail your answer to: info@mustardandboloney.com.  (hint: This film was made within the last 100 years. Ha!)

Good luck. And pass the buttered popcorn!

Fade Out.

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all.  And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog today. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like I)

Oh, and someone wondered what the first cartoon (with dog) is referring to. It’s the film ‘The Maltese Falcon’ starring Humphrey Bogart. He played detective Sam Spade. (a classic).

*****************************BONUS*********************************************

Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Fade out to black……

 

 

 

 

 

Mustard Meets Boloney. But Seriously!

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BoloneyYou’ve heard me mention many times about my talented artistic friend  Alexandre Rouillard, who is the ‘Boloney’ half of Mustard and Boloney. Well, what you may not realize is that the two of us do not even live in the same city or even the same province! (we do live in the same country though) He lives in Montreal, Quebec, and I live in Toronto, Ontario. It’s not too often we get together (the drive is about 6 hours) but last week he came to Toronto forcolor_0284_oz_state_line

 

a weeks vacation with his partner Sandy and their small dog Ziggy. Road trip!!

 

I gave him specific directions on how to get to my place but he forgot them at home! Naturally because of this fact he got off the highway at the wrong exit and was hopelessly lost.

 

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Before calling me he tried asking this nice gentleman (with the baguette) for help but was told he’d have to turn here, then there, then here again then…well. (how he drove to Paris I’ll never know. Maybe GPS really stands for ‘Going To Paris System’. Mnnnn)

Finally, I got the call and gave him new directions. (I could barely understand him though as he had he mouth full of bread and cheese)

For his arrival I had pulled out all the stops and organized a block party! It took me months to get the city to agree to it.

Surprisingly, Kong was available and eager to assist. (he had read a copy of out new book entitled, ‘Butt Seriously’ and loved it!)

 

 

 

Upon arrival, Alexandre’s first order of business was to attend that evenings baseball game. (he is an avid Blue Jays fan). So, I drove him and Sandy down to the stadium to enjoy.

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under the clock

 

While he was here we went out shopping and took along our new book in the hope someone would buy a copy.

Here we are selling it under a big clock. (a crowd of two did eventually form later and oddly enough asked us the time)

 

 

 

We also attended the musical ‘The Book of Mormon’, which is written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, favourite writers of Alexandre.the book

As you can clearly see I’m trying to sell the book while Alexandre is re-enacting the entire musical on the street for any and all passers bye. It took me over two hours to sell one book! (during his intermission) Many people commented favourably though on Alexandre’s magnificent singing voice while others remarked at what an adept and nimble dancer he was.

Here is a picture of Alexandre and Sandy embracing. (notice his slight resistance as she caught him just in the middle of an encore for the assembled crowd) Also included is a photo of Alexandre and my wife Terry. (she too was so taken by his street performance that she needed a tree for support to prevent her from falling over in ‘awe’)

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But, alas, all good things must come to an end and Alexandre, Sandy and Ziggy had to leave my fair city to drive back to Montreal and home!color_0273_wells

Adieu, my friends. Until we meet again Terry and I wish you well. (and our legion of fans wish you to keep drawing!)

Bon voyage!

(I realize that phrase is generally used when one is taking an ocean cruise but with Alexandre’s driving prowess over water he could just end up in Egypt.)

Here’s hoping he just makes it back home to the safety of his bathtub.

 

 

 

 

 

Fries Or Salad. Which One Shall It Be?

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As I get older I tend to look back on some of the choices that I’ve made in the past. (did I really want fries with that? Should I have gone with salad? Or would I have been happy enough with just the burger? ) Is it the same for everyone as you age? What might the outcome of something had been if I’d chosen a completely different menu path? (I’d probably not be as heavy if only I had of avoided those tasty fries; thank heavens for Lipitor) Have I ‘evolved’ or simply gone along for the ride?

Someone once said to me that he was an expert in his chosen field because he had twenty years experience on the job (and with the same company).

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I was suitably impressed then sat and thought more about that statement a bit. (while I ate a few fries) What was he really saying? Was it, “I have twenty years experience on the job” or rather, “I have one years experience twenty times.” Had he ‘evolved’ or just remained relatively the same?

 

 

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Perhaps that is a question that can only be answered by a higher authority than I.

Perhaps there is no ‘right’ answer; only lefts.

Perhaps every bone is connected, and it doesn’t matter what road you take so long as you don’t fall over a rock (or untied shoelace) and break any of them.

 

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Maybe I need to make a list of things that had circumstances been different I might have done.

Maybe I need to actually ‘do’ some of those things on that list. Experience them fully without bumping into..well, you know..the guy in the  dark robe.

Maybe I need to ‘walk the walk’ and not’ talk the talk’.

Maybe I should check my thesaurus and find another word (s)  to use instead of ‘maybe’ all the time.

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Life is definitely full of multiple choices.

You say ‘tomato; I say ‘tomahto’. You say ‘potato’; I say ‘potahto’.

Everything is relative.

And, speaking of relatives, I wonder what this fish did evolve in to? (maybe me) But, it would have stayed the same had it not left the security of the pond.

So, is it time for a change? Are you ready to leave the warm waters of ‘same old, same old’?

If so, then I humbly suggest you take along some scuba gear. You may occasionally  wish to return to your humble beginnings for a bit of familiarity from time-to-time, and to visit those whose road was not as dry and traveled as yours.

 

Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!

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Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather)

 

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Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!

If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.

(and read our book)

If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of cheese.

(and read our book)

If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both houses and tear down that fence!

(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)

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Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like:  your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (although for us city dwellers it would be more like raccoons than insects).

Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right?

 

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So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!

Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?

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But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.

 

 

 

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So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book (here) and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. It’s a great source of much needed roughage as well!

By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.

(and isn’t that better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)

Bon appetit!

 

 

Our Book ‘Butt Seriously’ Is On The Move Again. Seriously.

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A few posts back I wrote about how a purchaser of our latest book entitled ‘ Butt Seriously’ took it and traveled all around Amsterdam taking pictures, and then sent me the photos. Well, I just received new pictures from another satisfied buyer by the name of Sandy, showing our new book travelling around Montreal in Quebec. Seriously!!

 

Here it is in front of their Olympic stadium. Perhaps after a breakfast of champions our humorous panels will be ready to run in the 400 meters against Usain Bolt. And, we may even

IMG_2873win as Usain will be so doubled over with laughter (at the thought of sprinting against a cartoon book) that he will be unable to run like the wind.

Gold medal win for ‘Butt Seriously’. Yes!!

 

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Our book in this photo seems content to just gaze out over the city, basking in the warming sun. (let’s hope it has on plenty of sunblock. Don’t want the ‘Butt’ to get burned. Seriously)

Note: This is the back cover of the book. Here’s what it looks like a little bigger.

 

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Yes, those are our caricatures. I, on the left, have been told I look like Sir Richard Branson. And, Alexandre, on the right, has been told that I look like Sir Richard Branson.

(Alexandre always wears copious amounts of sunblock on his head so as not to burn his creative brain)

 

 

 

 

Here we have an interesting photo. It looks as though our book has been pumping iron, and has bulked up considerably. It’s almost as big as that statue in the back!

Note: No banned substances or prohibited steroids were used in the making of this book.

 

 

 

Not all pictures of the book were taken outside.

Here, it’s quietly resting inside – after a busy day on the track – next to Sandy’s dog Ziggy.

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Note: This picture must have been taken just as the book arrived and had not been read yet, because if it had been studied then Ziggy would be smiling, waging his tail, and showing us teeth of laughter.

Actually, just seeing the cover of ‘Butt Seriously’ inspired this pooch to go and immediately make a boloney sandwich.

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One with plenty of Mustard of course!

Bon appetit.

Or, in this rare case,

Bone appetit!

 

Keep those photos coming!! We love to hear – and see – where our book has been. Seriously.

 

Back To School Blues. Or Greens. Or Reds. But Purple?

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color_0301_circlesWell, for most everyone I know that has children last week was indeed a hectic one. Why? Well, back to school of course! Gone are the days of loafing in the park staring up at the clouds,  or taking in a extra inning ballgame. Now, there were lunches to prepare, supplies to be bought, clothes to be checked for fit and fashion, and for the wee ones, a little extra reassurance that the school they had yet to attend would not swallow them up, and they would indeed safely return home later that same day.

 

When I was a child I often felt a bit awkward in school because of our families past. It made making friends difficult and I was never allowed anyone over to the house. color_0122_witlessBut, I still always enjoyed school. When talk of college came up (and which new town we needed to move to) my parents were very liberal and decided no ordinary college was right for me.

color_0329_clown_graduationThey assumed (mistakenly) that a B Sc (Bachelor of Studying Clowns) would lead to a very prominent job, as those initials were written into all the want adds of the time as a requirement.

So, off I went – in face paint and baggy pants – and happily completed the highly prestigious 3 year program (in just under 7 years!). I graduated ‘Magnum Cum Louder’ as my clothes were outragiously gregarious, my voice loud , and the hair shockingly….purple!!!!

I definitely stood out (at least that’s what the first 95 employers that interviewed me said)

Some told me my skills were outdated (court jesters faded out centuries ago one implied), while others suggested my degree wasn’t worth the macaroni it was printed on.

color_0423_frenchfriesSo, I went back to school to upgrade and perhaps learn a second language. (I was the only one to graduate this class because I ended up eating all of the other students. They went well with my burger)

 

Upon graduation – again – I still had no luck in finding work. It seems no on wanted a bilingual clown. (at least not outside government)

 

So, shifting gears, I entered automotive college but was expelled (driven out?) as every time we crashed into the wall I left face paint on the windshield (that took forever to wash off.) Also, they said that my baggy pants acted way too much like a natural airbag and defeated the purposes of many of their tests. (They should have mentioned all of the this before I had gotten those weird symbols tattooed on both sides of my head)

color_0129_campus_dummy (a fellow classmate instagrammed me this photo of their graduation.)

So, what was a comedic person with numerous degrees to do? Well, I was fortunate enough to bump into another like-minded (heavily degree-tattoo laiden) clown by the name of Alexandre Rouillard.

(see ‘Our story’)

Together, we decided to open this virtual diner; one stocked with fresh jokes, tasty asides, and generous portions. We offer an interesting asylum to experience the usual events of life, unusually.

Bon appetit!

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Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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cover_HDSales of our new cartoon book ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well. Thanks to all who have bought so far!  (and to those that haven’t yet purchased I say “afraid of getting a little laughing gas?”)  Quite frankly, when hungry for humor it’s best to eat a page a day from our book. (it’s also a great source of much needed roughage as well)

Also, thanks to those that have sent us photos of the books travels. Keep those pictures coming!

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Interestingly, in my mail the other day I received this note from Kathleen, who resides in Massachusetts. She wrote,

“Hi Jeff. Loved the book!! Especially liked the bank teller joke. I got fired from a teller position in a bank once. One of the reasons was that I commented on the lack of hair (male) of a customer. He pouted and went to the bank manager and complained!”

Now, my first question upon reading her story was “Is that customer Mr. Potato head, and why so sensitive?”

And, my second question is, “What are the other reasons?”

Maybe she just didn’t fit in?  color_0297_round_hole

Or, took things a bit too literal in the workplace.

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Well, whatever the reasons. we here at Mustard and Boloney wish her all the best in her new position as inmate 261238. (Guaranteed work for at least 8-10 years, and cannot be fired or let go for any reason whatsoever……now that’s job security!)

Embezzlement, it seems, is a  huge cut above mentioning a customer has no hair. And, so is forgery for that matter. Ditto: insider trading.

Oh, and thanks Kathleen for the new license plates. I just love that their personalized too! (MBGR8FUN)

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Cartoon Book Travels Abroad. Seriously.

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What’s a werewolf to do when lost in a foreign city? Ask directions of course!  (as you can color_0080_wherewolfsee the French seem very relaxed about talking to a werewolf. Perhaps that baguette makes a great club if needed)

And, what’s our book entitled ‘Butt Seriously’ to do when shipped overseas and placed in strange surroundings? Why, take a tour of course!

 

cover_thumbnailRecently, a copy of our book’ Butt Seriously’, was purchased by a man who lives in Amsterdam (The Netherlands.)  How do I know this? He sent me the photos! He also added in his e-mail that after laughing uncontrollably for days (and snickering well into each night) he finally had to leave his condo for fresh air, food, and to make sure hordes of menacing zombies had not taken over his city. (They hadn’t, and the few he did run in to were too busy laughing to wreak any havoc, as they had already bought their own copy of ‘Butt Seriously’)

10419382_10204876410735791_1873301331005471510_nHere is the book outside the home. (it probably should have been on a leash so as not to bite any passers bye)

The book resting on his bicycle. (Note to self: our next book 10491237_10204876409495760_2457582448481116929_nshould have longer legs to reach the pedals.)

 

 

 

10359158_10204876410455784_2085122863090266795_nHere it is adding much needed roughage to his happy meal at McDonalds. (I guess that would make his lunch a ‘happy, happy’ meal.)

 

 

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I’m also so glad we printed the cover in rubber because when his car got a flat tire he used the book to mend it! Butt Seriously!! At least this way he can’t read it while driving!  (He texted me from behind the wheel to tell me that)

And finally as we leave the Netherlands here is the book resting on top of – what looks like – a giant (Amsterdam Gold) block of cheese!

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So, why not get your own copy of our book ‘ Butt Seriously’ here and take it on a tour of wherever it is that you live. Then send us the photos!

Butt Seriously – Our New Book. No, seriously

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my meat taste funny, yours?When a buzzard’s stomach growls for food it eats. When thirsty, it drinks. But, what’s a bird to do when hungry for humor? Well, our friend could eat a dead clown but one must be careful as eating too much of a rotting carcass can lead to explosive laughing gas, the kind accompanied by the potent whiff of unwashed socks. No, I feel that for all ones gourmet needs, the buzzard – and those people that just think they’re buzzards – need look no further than our new book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’.Mustard and Boloney, "Butt Seriously..."

The meat of ‘Butt Seriously’ is humor, complemented by a side order of irreverence, and all manner of situations and subjects are drawn upon to create the delicious ‘aha’ moment. (I’ve eaten ‘aha’ and it especially tastes great when seasoned with curry) Thinking outside the icebox is mandatory, and some panels may cause you to stand on your head and think, “So, that’s what it all means.”  (by reading this blog upsidedown can also lead to fresh insights)color_0449_rodin

Dan Piraro, creator of Bizarro (www.bizarro.com) kindly offered to write the forward to our book. He states, “The real art of cartooning is to create a compelling illustration that facilitates a compelling gag. Caulfield (Mustard) and Rouillard (Boloney) are the most shining example of this unique combination I have seen in some time. In a word what they’ve created here is elite.”

Thanks Dan! You made us both cry tears of joy at reading your eloquent words. (next time though, please send them to us in sentence form; it took us days to piece it all together)  FYI: Bizarro’s copy of ‘Butt Seriously’  is hand-signed – in blood – of course.  I say ‘of course’ as it’s normal for a cartoonist to request an unusual offering for writing a forward. (Blood is at least a step down from his initial request for our souls.)

color_0048_budgieSo, when hungry for humor look no further than our new book ‘Butt Seriously’,  where every single cartoon panel is guaranteed to fill you with your daily allotment of smiles, belly-roars and well, maybe the occasional gas, but at least minus the calories and salt. Order your own copy today, and maybe one extra one for your friendly neighborhood bird or un-feathered relative.

Bon appetit!