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Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!

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Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather)

 

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Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!

If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.

(and read our book)

If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of cheese.

(and read our book)

If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both houses and tear down that fence!

(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)

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Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like:  your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (although for us city dwellers it would be more like raccoons than insects).

Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right?

 

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So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!

Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?

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But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.

 

 

 

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So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book (here) and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. It’s a great source of much needed roughage as well!

By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.

(and isn’t that better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)

Bon appetit!

 

 

Back To School Blues. Or Greens. Or Reds. But Purple?

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color_0301_circlesWell, for most everyone I know that has children last week was indeed a hectic one. Why? Well, back to school of course! Gone are the days of loafing in the park staring up at the clouds,  or taking in a extra inning ballgame. Now, there were lunches to prepare, supplies to be bought, clothes to be checked for fit and fashion, and for the wee ones, a little extra reassurance that the school they had yet to attend would not swallow them up, and they would indeed safely return home later that same day.

 

When I was a child I often felt a bit awkward in school because of our families past. It made making friends difficult and I was never allowed anyone over to the house. color_0122_witlessBut, I still always enjoyed school. When talk of college came up (and which new town we needed to move to) my parents were very liberal and decided no ordinary college was right for me.

color_0329_clown_graduationThey assumed (mistakenly) that a B Sc (Bachelor of Studying Clowns) would lead to a very prominent job, as those initials were written into all the want adds of the time as a requirement.

So, off I went – in face paint and baggy pants – and happily completed the highly prestigious 3 year program (in just under 7 years!). I graduated ‘Magnum Cum Louder’ as my clothes were outragiously gregarious, my voice loud , and the hair shockingly….purple!!!!

I definitely stood out (at least that’s what the first 95 employers that interviewed me said)

Some told me my skills were outdated (court jesters faded out centuries ago one implied), while others suggested my degree wasn’t worth the macaroni it was printed on.

color_0423_frenchfriesSo, I went back to school to upgrade and perhaps learn a second language. (I was the only one to graduate this class because I ended up eating all of the other students. They went well with my burger)

 

Upon graduation – again – I still had no luck in finding work. It seems no on wanted a bilingual clown. (at least not outside government)

 

So, shifting gears, I entered automotive college but was expelled (driven out?) as every time we crashed into the wall I left face paint on the windshield (that took forever to wash off.) Also, they said that my baggy pants acted way too much like a natural airbag and defeated the purposes of many of their tests. (They should have mentioned all of the this before I had gotten those weird symbols tattooed on both sides of my head)

color_0129_campus_dummy (a fellow classmate instagrammed me this photo of their graduation.)

So, what was a comedic person with numerous degrees to do? Well, I was fortunate enough to bump into another like-minded (heavily degree-tattoo laiden) clown by the name of Alexandre Rouillard.

(see ‘Our story’)

Together, we decided to open this virtual diner; one stocked with fresh jokes, tasty asides, and generous portions. We offer an interesting asylum to experience the usual events of life, unusually.

Bon appetit!

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Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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cover_HDSales of our new cartoon book ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well. Thanks to all who have bought so far!  (and to those that haven’t yet purchased I say “afraid of getting a little laughing gas?”)  Quite frankly, when hungry for humor it’s best to eat a page a day from our book. (it’s also a great source of much needed roughage as well)

Also, thanks to those that have sent us photos of the books travels. Keep those pictures coming!

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Interestingly, in my mail the other day I received this note from Kathleen, who resides in Massachusetts. She wrote,

“Hi Jeff. Loved the book!! Especially liked the bank teller joke. I got fired from a teller position in a bank once. One of the reasons was that I commented on the lack of hair (male) of a customer. He pouted and went to the bank manager and complained!”

Now, my first question upon reading her story was “Is that customer Mr. Potato head, and why so sensitive?”

And, my second question is, “What are the other reasons?”

Maybe she just didn’t fit in?  color_0297_round_hole

Or, took things a bit too literal in the workplace.

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Well, whatever the reasons. we here at Mustard and Boloney wish her all the best in her new position as inmate 261238. (Guaranteed work for at least 8-10 years, and cannot be fired or let go for any reason whatsoever……now that’s job security!)

Embezzlement, it seems, is a  huge cut above mentioning a customer has no hair. And, so is forgery for that matter. Ditto: insider trading.

Oh, and thanks Kathleen for the new license plates. I just love that their personalized too! (MBGR8FUN)

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Cartoon Book Travels Abroad. Seriously.

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What’s a werewolf to do when lost in a foreign city? Ask directions of course!  (as you can color_0080_wherewolfsee the French seem very relaxed about talking to a werewolf. Perhaps that baguette makes a great club if needed)

And, what’s our book entitled ‘Butt Seriously’ to do when shipped overseas and placed in strange surroundings? Why, take a tour of course!

 

cover_thumbnailRecently, a copy of our book’ Butt Seriously’, was purchased by a man who lives in Amsterdam (The Netherlands.)  How do I know this? He sent me the photos! He also added in his e-mail that after laughing uncontrollably for days (and snickering well into each night) he finally had to leave his condo for fresh air, food, and to make sure hordes of menacing zombies had not taken over his city. (They hadn’t, and the few he did run in to were too busy laughing to wreak any havoc, as they had already bought their own copy of ‘Butt Seriously’)

10419382_10204876410735791_1873301331005471510_nHere is the book outside the home. (it probably should have been on a leash so as not to bite any passers bye)

The book resting on his bicycle. (Note to self: our next book 10491237_10204876409495760_2457582448481116929_nshould have longer legs to reach the pedals.)

 

 

 

10359158_10204876410455784_2085122863090266795_nHere it is adding much needed roughage to his happy meal at McDonalds. (I guess that would make his lunch a ‘happy, happy’ meal.)

 

 

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I’m also so glad we printed the cover in rubber because when his car got a flat tire he used the book to mend it! Butt Seriously!! At least this way he can’t read it while driving!  (He texted me from behind the wheel to tell me that)

And finally as we leave the Netherlands here is the book resting on top of – what looks like – a giant (Amsterdam Gold) block of cheese!

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So, why not get your own copy of our book ‘ Butt Seriously’ here and take it on a tour of wherever it is that you live. Then send us the photos!

Butt Seriously – Our New Book. No, seriously

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my meat taste funny, yours?When a buzzard’s stomach growls for food it eats. When thirsty, it drinks. But, what’s a bird to do when hungry for humor? Well, our friend could eat a dead clown but one must be careful as eating too much of a rotting carcass can lead to explosive laughing gas, the kind accompanied by the potent whiff of unwashed socks. No, I feel that for all ones gourmet needs, the buzzard – and those people that just think they’re buzzards – need look no further than our new book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’.Mustard and Boloney, "Butt Seriously..."

The meat of ‘Butt Seriously’ is humor, complemented by a side order of irreverence, and all manner of situations and subjects are drawn upon to create the delicious ‘aha’ moment. (I’ve eaten ‘aha’ and it especially tastes great when seasoned with curry) Thinking outside the icebox is mandatory, and some panels may cause you to stand on your head and think, “So, that’s what it all means.”  (by reading this blog upsidedown can also lead to fresh insights)color_0449_rodin

Dan Piraro, creator of Bizarro (www.bizarro.com) kindly offered to write the forward to our book. He states, “The real art of cartooning is to create a compelling illustration that facilitates a compelling gag. Caulfield (Mustard) and Rouillard (Boloney) are the most shining example of this unique combination I have seen in some time. In a word what they’ve created here is elite.”

Thanks Dan! You made us both cry tears of joy at reading your eloquent words. (next time though, please send them to us in sentence form; it took us days to piece it all together)  FYI: Bizarro’s copy of ‘Butt Seriously’  is hand-signed – in blood – of course.  I say ‘of course’ as it’s normal for a cartoonist to request an unusual offering for writing a forward. (Blood is at least a step down from his initial request for our souls.)

color_0048_budgieSo, when hungry for humor look no further than our new book ‘Butt Seriously’,  where every single cartoon panel is guaranteed to fill you with your daily allotment of smiles, belly-roars and well, maybe the occasional gas, but at least minus the calories and salt. Order your own copy today, and maybe one extra one for your friendly neighborhood bird or un-feathered relative.

Bon appetit!