Tag Archives: deli

The Cartoonist Who Came In From The Cold. Seriously!

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Well, it’s official. The statistics are in and it turns out that this past February was the coldest on record here in Ontario (especially Toronto, where I live), and Quebec (more importantly Montreal, where Alexander lives). I have to admit it was indeed crisp but once suitably dressed one managed to deal with it. (My butt was definitely covered up nicely by my long-johns trap-door, thank you.)

 

I suppose there are colder places one could find oneself. (The temperature on the Moon for example, can get as cold as – 233 Celsius at night. Brrr.)  I think the only place considered colder would be feeling that icy stare from Kanye West because you did not want to stand up –  as he asked everyone to do at one of his recent concerts. (he was miffed when two people in the front row wouldn’t stand, so he halted the show. Turns out they couldn’t stand as one was in a wheelchair and the other had a prothetic limb. He glared at them anyway.)

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Maybe Kanye should hold his next concert on top of an icy mountain in Tibet. (This way only the fittest can attend, which would make him extremely happy I’m sure)

This deli definitely serves ‘cold’ meats. (and their sandwich ‘buns’ – as well as yours – are probably a might cool as well.)

So, what did I do to stay warm during this record-breaking cold spell you ask? Well, when I went out I definitely dressed in layers. I had on about ten layers of clothing and on top of that I hired five layers of extra people to surround me to buffer the windchill. (best money I ever spent.) It did look kind of odd though when I drove the car and hadcolor_0380_Bikram_yoga them all hanging on the outside, staying anchored by all the extra straps I had installed. I must say though that I did not lose a single person on account of a sudden turn or quick acceleration. (in fact I lost six.)

I also managed to get to a few hot Yoga sessions to keep the body toasty and limber, and the mind relaxed. (It was a bit of a ways from my house to this fellow’s studio but well worth it. While there I even had a free acupuncture treatment – from him jabbing me with a pitchfork of some kind.)

All-in-all I guess the best way to escape the cold is to actually escape the cold. Get on a plane and head to a beach somewhere warm (and thong acceptable.) Then sit back and let the warm ocean breezes float against your cheeks.

I’d better start collecting those air-miles because this time next year I am so out of here. As it stands now I have enough air-miles to get me to Buffalo,  which is not good. I believe that the average citizen there has at least 12 layers of clothing and nine layers of people needed to keep one warm.

Unfortunately, my budget only allows for ten layers of clothing,  and with all the lawsuits I’m down to only two people huddled around me to keep me warm. (at least they’re Sumo wrestlers so I’m still fairly comfortable.)

Stay warm! Spring is on the way!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Resolutions And Your Resolve. Too Early To Tell?

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Well 2015 is finally here and with it comes the hope of a great year ahead. (what it doesn’t come with – like most of your Christmas presents – is a money back guarantee should you not like it). And thus far, how many New Year’s eve resolutions have you managed to keep? (out of a dozen or so promised?) As for myself I tend not to make any end of the year resolutions; if I want to change something I just simply do it instead of waiting.

But for most the dawn of a different year brings fresh hope and renewed vigour that their goal(s) can be achieved. No more same old, same old!

Perhaps you’re trying to lose a little weight. Well one could adjust their food intake alone but certainly doing a little exercise will help. It may not feel like heaven doing it but in the end you’ll look and feel so much better.

And, when your friends ask how did you loose those twenty pounds? Simply tell them to ‘go to Hell’. (and don’t forget to smile when you say that)

Shedding unwanted pounds is near the top of many peoples’ resolution list, along with giving up smoking or cutting back on drinking.

Unfortunately it’s one of the first to be tossed aside when one passes the nearest baker, deli place or kid with a chocolate bar in her hand.

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At least this deli place requires you to hike a nearby mountain top to get it, so you’ll definitely be working off that pastrami and cheese sandwich. (and everything else you ate for the last five months)

 

Maybe one of your (non-binding) resolutions was to finally get out of your rut and see more of the world.

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Bravo! It’s good to get out from behind that computer screen and actually see all you can see from sea to shining sea.

Now, you don’t have to be extreme in your changes. Maybe simply resolve to walk a different way home after school or work. Volunteer to help others and give back to the community. Or wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. Resolve to think outside the box. Change should always be viewed as a positive.

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What’s that you say? You want to change your job completely this year? Then do it right now! It’s never too late to begin a new career. (Print out this cartoon and carry it in your wallet for inspiration.)

Alexandre and I have had several jobs before we opened our Mustard and Boloney cartoon diner. We’ve found that we’re much better at frying up jokes than cookin’ the books.

 

So, start 2015 off with a bang!  And remember, once you’ve made a change – stick with it. Resolve to make those resolutions stick. (use crazy glue if need be)

Oh, and by-the-way, the milkshake you ordered is ready; the one made with skim milk,  low fat ice cream and artificial sweetener.

Bon Apetite!