We here at Mustard and Boloney’s cartoon diner continually search the world over looking for tasty dishes to introduce to you, our dear devoted patrons. Our criteria for this exotic food is a simple one: it must be low in calories, high in protein, and guaranteed to fill the stomach sans indigestion. And, as Alexandre is from Quebec (and speaks fluent French) and I from Ontario (and speak fluent Ontarian) then it’s great to offer up something in at least two languages!
As mentioned we try to limit our use of calorie-laden carbohydrates for those watching their waste-lines. And for those eschewing meat our vegetarian dishes are to just die for! (I, Mustard am a vegetarian whereas Boloney, is not)
Alexandre (Boloney) thinks I am a little crazy for giving up meat and I think he’s a little odd being named after a popular luncheon meat. (though the spelling is different) What were his parents thinking anyway?
Maybe they foresaw that in the future he would team up with a Mustard-loving writer; one who would make sure their son 
would at least eat his vegetables along with all that meat. I mean without me he wouldn’t have broccoli and legume gas!! (thank heavens he lives over 500 kilometers away in another city)
At our diner we use only the finest in state-of-the art cookware too. No half-measures and no teflon-coated pans used here. (a watched pot never boils and our friend here is making sure that’s true; no wonder he needs help)
And, we use only the finest seasonings known to man (and a few that are not) to spice up our
signature dishes. (yes, we sign our name onto every dish that leaves our gourmet kitchen).
We do this because when people say ‘bite me’ to us we quickly reply that they already have.
As you can plainly see Alexandre doesn’t require the use of a hair net. (This came about after his barber ate at our diner but couldn’t afford to pay the bill, complaining about getting scalped). Alexandre decided to get ‘free’ haircuts for a year as opposed to making the poor fellow do the dishes. So now 
the only thing that Alexandre drops into what he cooks is humorous anecdotes. (that’s why people leave our restaurant smiling, happy, and loaded with laughing gas.)
Well, the lunch crowd is making their way into our diner so I have to go and make some French
fries. (the old-fashioned way). It seems that’s one of our most popular side-dishes! (we do bake not fry them as to be calorie conscious.)
Remember, the meat of our offerings is humor, complemented by a side order of irreverence, and all manner of situations and subjects. We are happy to create the delicious ‘aha’ moment with every meal. Thinking outside the icebox is mandatory in this diner, and some dishes may cause you to stand on your head and think, “So that’s what it all going to cost. They’re panels are very affordable indeed!”
Bon appetite!
