Category Archives: danse
Mustard Goes Bananas. Seriously!
Leave a reply
Yes, dear readers, that is I. Mustard. And yes, I am wearing a giant banana suit in my living room. Why, you ask? (So many have, from my neighbours all the way to the zoo monkey who wanted to ‘peel’ me.) To that question posed I say ‘why not!’
I mean it’s not like I look like this every day of the week. I wear it every second day of the week and all day on the weekends. Does this make me crazy? Possibly. Eccentric? Perhaps. A purveyor of potassium and electrolytes? Damn straight!
(Take notice that my cat Subira is at the bottom left corner checking me out.)
If you find this a little unusual here is a picture of my wife and I. She goes around dressed like Pancho Villa a good bit of the time now. And, 
she’s even studying Spanish! Oh, no!
So, half the time i don’t know what she’s saying anymore, and the other half of the time I’m asleep (as it is nighttime).
Actually, the real reason we look like this is that we were recently asked out to a costume party at a neighbour’s house. We dressed to the nines and I won first prize in the dance contest! I showed the judges all my moves (on paper first) before I let loose. All I can say is they were in awe. Their mouths hung open for what seemed like an eternity. I had them eating out of my hand! Then we all swung from the chandelier. Seriously!
One judge seemed aloof and studied me very carefully. Also, he kept looking down a lot of the time, apparently making plenty of notes. Actually, it was only later that I learned he was in fact drawing something. I managed to retrieve this picture from the garbage later that night when no one was looking.
I compared this picture with one I had received from someone else while attending another party in the previous month. Are they trying to suggest something? Are they intimating I need my head examined? Or, is their message something subliminal like I should eat more nuts for the protein – as I am a vegetarian – instead of injesting so many over-ripe bananas?
Notice that the 
artistry is unmistakably the same! Yet they were given to me by two different people. Am I crazy or is that even possible? Can two distinct people have the exact same drawing style?
I immediately phoned up Alexandre (Boloney) as he is the artistic genius behind Mustard and Boloney cartoons. I posed my dilemma. He said that can never happen – except maybe with twins – but that he himself often copies his own unique style to place into the next fresh cartoon we create. That’s what great artists do. But we never copy another person’s style. So both cartoons must be the work of just one individual.
“Interesting”, I said. “So it would seem that this cartoonist is a master of physical disguise but cannot mask his artistic tendencies. His style is like a genetic fingerprint.”
There was a lengthy silence on the phone.
Alexandre finally spoke up and added, “If you ate more bananas your vision would improve as they are a great source of Vitamin A. By doing that you would have clearly seen that these two cartoons could only be the work of the same person, and not that imaginary extra one in your head.”
An a-peeling thought. If he only knew.
Bon Appetit!
The Cartoonist Who Came In From The Cold. Seriously!
Well, it’s official. The statistics are in and it turns out that this past February was the coldest on record here in Ontario (especially Toronto, where I live), and Quebec (more importantly Montreal, where Alexander lives). I have to admit it was indeed crisp but once suitably dressed one managed to deal with it. (My butt was definitely covered up nicely by my long-johns trap-door, thank you.)
I suppose there are colder places one could find oneself. (The temperature on the Moon for example, can get as cold as – 233 Celsius at night. Brrr.) I think the only place considered colder would be feeling that icy stare from Kanye West because you did not want to stand up – as he asked everyone to do at one of his recent concerts. (he was miffed when two people in the front row wouldn’t stand, so he halted the show. Turns out they couldn’t stand as one was in a wheelchair and the other had a prothetic limb. He glared at them anyway.)
Maybe Kanye should hold his next concert on top of an icy mountain in Tibet. (This way only the fittest can attend, which would make him extremely happy I’m sure)
This deli definitely serves ‘cold’ meats. (and their sandwich ‘buns’ – as well as yours – are probably a might cool as well.)
So, what did I do to stay warm during this record-breaking cold spell you ask? Well, when I went out I definitely dressed in layers. I had on about ten layers of clothing and on top of that I hired five layers of extra people to surround me to buffer the windchill. (best money I ever spent.) It did look kind of odd though when I drove the car and had
them all hanging on the outside, staying anchored by all the extra straps I had installed. I must say though that I did not lose a single person on account of a sudden turn or quick acceleration. (in fact I lost six.)
I also managed to get to a few hot Yoga sessions to keep the body toasty and limber, and the mind relaxed. (It was a bit of a ways from my house to this fellow’s studio but well worth it. While there I even had a free acupuncture treatment – from him jabbing me with a pitchfork of some kind.)
All-in-all I guess the best way to escape the cold is to actually escape the cold. Get on a plane and head to a beach somewhere warm (and thong acceptable.) Then sit back and let the warm ocean breezes float against your cheeks.
I’d better start collecting those air-miles because this time next year I am so out of here. As it stands now I have enough air-miles to get me to Buffalo, which is not good. I believe that the average citizen there has at least 12 layers of clothing and nine layers of people needed to keep one warm.
Unfortunately, my budget only allows for ten layers of clothing, and with all the lawsuits I’m down to only two people huddled around me to keep me warm. (at least they’re Sumo wrestlers so I’m still fairly comfortable.)
Stay warm! Spring is on the way!!
Mustard Goes Bananas. Seriously!
Yes, dear readers, that is I. Mustard. And yes, I am wearing a giant banana suit. Why, you may ask? (so many have, from my neighbours all the way to the zoo monkey who wanted to ‘peel’ me.) To that question posed I say ‘why not!’
I mean it’s not like I look like this every day of the week. I wear it every second day of the week and all day on the weekends. Does this make me crazy? Possibly. Eccentric? Perhaps. A purveyor of potassium and electrolytes? Damn straight!
(notice my cat Subira is at the bottom left corner checking me out.)
If you find this a little unusual here is a picture of my wife and I. She goes around dressed like Pancho Villa a good bit of the time now. And, she’s even studying Spanish!
So, half the time i don’t know what she’s saying anymore, and the other half of the time I’m asleep (as it is nighttime).
Actually, the real reason we look like this is that we were recently asked out to a costume party at a neighbour’s house. (you can tell just how jammed-packed the place was by the crowd surrounding us) Anyway, we dressed to the nines and I won first prize in the dance contest! I showed the judges all my moves (on paper first) before I let loose. All I can say is they were in awe. Their mouths hung open for what seemed like an eternity. I had them eating out of my hand! (the judges were friends of Subira so I had plenty of treats to share).
One judged seemed aloof and studied me very carefully. Also, he kept looking down allot, apparently making plenty of notes. Actually, it was only later than I learned he was in fact drawing something. I managed to retrieve this picture. from the garbage later that night.
I compared this picture with one I had received from someone else while attending another party earlier that same month. Are they trying to suggest something? Are they intimating I need my head examined? Or, is their message something subliminal like I should eat more nuts for the protein? (as I am a vegetarian)
Notice that the artistry is unmistakably the same! Yet they were given to me by two different people. Am I crazy or is that even possible? Can two distinct people have the exact same drawing style?
I immediately phoned up Alexandre as he is the artistic genius behind Mustard and Boloney cartoons. I posed my dilemma. He said that can never happen (except maybe with twins) but that he himself often copies his own unique style to place into the next fresh cartoon we create. That’s what great artists do. But we never copy someone elses style. So both cartoons must be the work of just one man.
“Interesting”, I said. “So it would seem that this cartoonist is a master of physical disguise but cannot mask his artistic tendencies. His style is like a genetic fingerprint.”
There was a lengthy silence on the phone.
Alexandre finally spoke up and added, ‘If you ate more bananas your vision would improve as they are a great source of Vitamin A. By doing that you would have clearly seen that these two cartoons could only be the work of the same person. and not that imaginary extra one in your head.”
If he only knew.
Bon Appetit!
Out With The Old And In With The New.
Well, Christmas has come and gone for another year. I hope Santa was good to you all. And, just what did I get from the Jolly one you ask? Books. Lots of books. As an avid reader I do enjoy a good book and this time I actually got an actual e-reader to read them on. Usually Santa drops down my chimney with a sack of thick books each Christmas (and on New Years eve he always checks into the Mayo clinic for a much-needed hernia operation) but this time my texts are all virtual! The big guy was so pleased because now he can ring in the New Year just like the rest of us, instead of from a hospital bed wondering when that enima he took (pre-operation) is going to kick in. I am happy as well as now I won’t have to walk around like Quasimodo from the weight of having to carry so many hardcovers around. (I never knew I was actually 6 feet tall until just now)
So, what will you be doing on the night of the 31st? Perhaps going out for a drink with friends? Or maybe your heading out trying to make new friends? Either way you are out on the town hopefully having more fun than a barrel full of monkeys! (for some reason it has to be a barrel; they’re simply no fun in a cardboard box)
You may even be in the mood to dance. When Kong here dances everyone dances because if you don’t you’ll end up as his toe jam. King is surprisingly light on his feet – all four of them – and has danced with the best (beast?) of them: Rodan, Godzilla, Monthra, Gamera and even a giant leech, just to name a few.
Fay Wray was his initial dance partner but his two-step meant she had to do 95 steps which proved too overwhelming so she retired. 
If you do plan on heading out on the town then please drink responsibly.
Make sure you have cab fare and no where you live (sew it into your underwear if necessary; your address not the money)
But, what’s a person to do if one finds themselves like our friend here, naked and exposed? (maybe a henna tattoo of your address on your chest might help).
Well, whatever you plan to do have a great time. Alexandre 
(Boloney) and myself (Mustard) want to wish you all the best for 2015. And, we hope you’ll keep coming back to our comedic diner for one of our signature tasty dishes; ones filled with your daily allotment of humour, irreverence and the odd pickle.
Bon Appetit !!!!
Mustard And Boloney Get Cheeky. ‘Butt’ Seriously!
We here at Mustard and Boloney cartoons are not adverse or afraid to show a little ‘skin’ from time-to-time, nor to get down and be a touch ‘cheeky’ every now and then as well. I mean we proudly display a bit on the cover of our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.
(please, no wisecracks about the humour)
And, I know many of you have often wanted to go to work dressed a little more casual than usual; you know, get away from the tired, old, stuffy formal office look. Now not too many of you could show up at work like this 
and still expect to have a job by days end. As for me, well I can, as I work mostly from home. So, most often I simply sit around all day in the buff and no one cares. Think of me as the character that actor Richard Dreyfuss played in the 1977 film ‘The Goodbye Girl’ (for which he won is only Oscar to date). In the film he is in his bedroom playing the guitar when his roommate (Paula played by Marsha Mason) knocks and asks, “Are you decent?” He says back through the door, “Yes.” She then enters only to find him naked and playing his guitar. She says, “I thought you said you were decent?” He replies, “I am. I also happen to be naked.”
Still, there have been a few interesting ‘moments’ that working at home in the buff has presented me. I remember one time calmly answering the doorbell all the while forgetting I was completely`sans`clothing. (Those Jehovah’s 
Witnesses probably won’t be back anytime this century!) They should have just turned the other cheek and simply embraced the moment. I mean, isn’t it written, “But I sayeth to you. That you resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the also other”).
In hindsight It probably wouldn’t have done them much good because upon leaving my front porch they invariably had to run past my driveway.
And let’s definitely hope those same Jehovah’s Witnesses never ventured far enough to run into another ‘clothing optional’ person. Once in a lifetime is surely enough!
But, If they did I hope they took a selfie. Or, in this case a ‘soulie’.
Back in 1974 streaking was all the craze across North America. People would drop their clothes and streak through a crowded auditorium, wedding ceremony, even at the 46th annual Oscar ceremonies!
Ray Opel actually streaked across the Oscar stage right behind presenter David Niven. The ever-cool Niven barely blinked before casually addressing the audience. He said “Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?” (see clip here)
One more note: The streaking craze was even made more famous by singer Ray Stevens when in 1974 he wrote and recorded the song the Streak.
Well, I’m a bit tired now and I feel the need for a short vacation. This seems like a nice spot to park my butt. And, with my wife at my side we will certainly be doing a little dancing cheek-to-cheek. (Irving Berlin song from 1935)
Who knows, maybe I’ll bump into our Jehovah’s Witnesses friends here, relaxing (much needed), and listening to Ray Stevens on their i-pod. It’s good to commune and be one with nature, don’t you think?
Butt Seriously!