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Tag Archives: kids
Mustard and Boloney Make Amends. But Seriously!
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Well, dear readers, you’ll recall that in last weeks post I talked about my granddaughter Maisy, and how she just loved reading Mustard and Boloney’s latest book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’. She loved it so much! In fact she’s ordered several more copies for friends at her day school. But, there was one thing that displeased her in that post. It was the line in which I referred to both of us needing to change our diapers before gazing at more cartoons. I wrote it as a sort of tongue-in-cheek bit of fun (me old; she young) but, well, she was not amused.
She called me up and mentioned that as she is now three she hasn’t in fact worn diapers in a very long time. I explained my reasoning and that our fans loved the post. Silence crept through the phone. “I appreciate your humour Grandpa and although witty – I too smiled for a moment – it was not entirely accurate as to my current bathroom needs.” (are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?) “Oh. ah, what can I do to make it up to you,” I asked. Silence again then, “I’ll think on it, but keep an eye on your inbox”. Then the phone went dead. I immediately went out and meditated trying to remain calm. (Breathe Mustard. Breathe.)
Upon returning home later – and feeling a touch more relaxed – I found this in my in box with a note saying, “Here is a picture of myself, my older brother (Isaac) and my younger sister (Gemma). As you can clearly see Gemma is the one needing diapers. If you could post this I would appreciate it”
Whew! Post a picture? I can do that. (I was worried she’d cancel her order for our books and maybe demand a kidney.)
I waited a day or so before calling her up to say that I had received the family picture, and it will definitely appear in my next post. Silence. Uh-oh, My heart skipped a beat. “Did you not open the other attachment to my message?” “Ah, no”, I sheepishly replied. More silence then “Just kidding gramps! Ha!! I had you going there, huh?” (She’ll never know just how close I came to using my home defibrillator.)
“I love you Maisy. You’re my special wee girl.” Silence again. (Thank heavens I didn’t power down the unit.) “Ah, gramps, are you talking about me having to wee wee again.”
“Heavens no,” I replied,
“it’s a Scottish term (as I am Scottish) that my mom used to use in place of the word ‘little’. You’re my special little granddaughter.”
“I’ll call you back, but first I need to check something in the dictionary.” With that, she hung up.
I instantly called my analyst to see is he could fit me in right away. (I should probably put him on speed dial.) I booked several hours for the following day.
Being a grandparent certainly keeps one on their toes. Uh, oh, is that my cell phone I hear 
ringing…………
(get your own copy of ‘Butt Seriously’ right here)
Mustard And Boloney’s Humour Spans The Ages. Any Age.
This is my granddaughter Maisy (who incidentally just turned three). Notice the happy and ebullient smile! That’s because she just finished reading our latest – and greatest – Mustard and Boloney cartoon book entitled ‘Butt Seriously’. And she just loved it!! ( She sat on her butt the whole time while reading it. Unbelievable.)
She also told me that she just can’t wait for the sequel. (As for me, I can’t wait until she gets a job to be able to actually ‘pay’ for a book. Just kidding! All grandkids get one for free; they simply pay for shipping and handling. And since she lives in the Caribbean and I live in Canada that’s going to add up!)
MaIsy especially liked this particular cartoon. (She herself has an innie and if you poke it she giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy.)
She also drew this cartoon to my attention and asked me what it meant. I said if you have to ask what it means then you aren’t in ‘the club’. She said, if you’re referring to Mensa I get it. I just don’t know why you’re using an antiquated train example. Wouldn’t something along the lines of Quantum Physics have worked better and delivered a much bigger laugh for the reader?
(Geez, okay you’re shipping is free.)
I think my mistake was in getting her all those Albert Einstein books to read when she was younger and not that baby Einstein stuff her parents asked for. Who knew?
(I should have known something was up when she asked to see the film ‘The Theory of Everything’ , a film about Stephen Hawkin, as opposed to viewing ‘Paddington Bear.)
Maisy, while wearing her leopard pjamas and purple boa, pointed out to me this particular cartoon and said, “Quality work, gramps.”
Of course, since I’m old (ish), and my hearing being not as sharp as it once was, I thought she said ‘I can’t work, cramps’ . I quickly said it’s probably due to a lack of fiber, and suggested she eat more bran with flax.
She smiled at this, gave me a big hug then said “You’re crazy.” I said, “No, you’re Maisy; not me. She laughed out loud then poked at my ‘outtie’ belly button. I giggled. What a doll!
We each then went and changed our respective diapers before continuing to analyze further the 
humour of Mustard and Boloney.
Ah, to be young again.
Or, when dissecting Mustard and Boloney’s humour it’s good to be Jung again.
Get you copy of our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ here.
Bon Appetit!
Resolutions And Your Resolve. Too Early To Tell?
Well 2015 is finally here and with it comes the hope of a great year ahead. (what it doesn’t come with – like most of your Christmas presents – is a money back guarantee should you not like it). And thus far, how many New Year’s eve resolutions have you managed to keep? (out of a dozen or so promised?) As for myself I tend not to make any end of the year resolutions; if I want to change something I just simply do it instead of waiting.
But for most the dawn of a different year brings fresh hope and renewed vigour that their goal(s) can be achieved. No more same old, same old!
Perhaps you’re trying to lose a little weight. Well one could adjust their food intake alone but certainly doing a little exercise will help. It may not feel like heaven doing it but in the end you’ll 
look and feel so much better.
And, when your friends ask how did you loose those twenty pounds? Simply tell them to ‘go to Hell’. (and don’t forget to smile when you say that)
Shedding unwanted pounds is near the top of many peoples’ resolution list, along with giving up smoking or cutting back on drinking.
Unfortunately it’s one of the first to be tossed aside when one passes the nearest baker, deli place or kid with a chocolate bar in her hand.
At least this deli place requires you to hike a nearby mountain top to get it, so you’ll definitely be working off that pastrami and cheese sandwich. (and everything else you ate for the last five months)
Maybe one of your (non-binding) resolutions was to finally get out of your rut and see more of the world.
Bravo! It’s good to get out from behind that computer screen and actually see all you can see from sea to shining sea.
Now, you don’t have to be extreme in your changes. Maybe simply resolve to walk a different way home after school or work. Volunteer to help others and give back to the community. Or wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. Resolve to think outside the box. Change should always be viewed as a positive.
What’s that you say? You want to change your job completely this year? Then do it right now! It’s never too late to begin a new career. (Print out this cartoon and carry it in your wallet for inspiration.)
Alexandre and I have had several jobs before we opened our Mustard and Boloney cartoon diner. We’ve found that we’re much better at frying up jokes than cookin’ the books.
So, start 2015 off with a bang! And remember, once you’ve made a change – stick with it. Resolve to make those resolutions stick. (use crazy glue if need be)
Oh, and by-the-way, the milkshake you ordered is ready; the one made with skim milk, low fat ice cream and artificial sweetener.
Bon Apetite!
Back To School Blues. Or Greens. Or Reds. But Purple?
Well, for most everyone I know that has children last week was indeed a hectic one. Why? Well, back to school of course! Gone are the days of loafing in the park staring up at the clouds, or taking in a extra inning ballgame. Now, there were lunches to prepare, supplies to be bought, clothes to be checked for fit and fashion, and for the wee ones, a little extra reassurance that the school they had yet to attend would not swallow them up, and they would indeed safely return home later that same day.
When I was a child I often felt a bit awkward in school because of our families past. It made making friends difficult and I was never allowed anyone over to the house. 
But, I still always enjoyed school. When talk of college came up (and which new town we needed to move to) my parents were very liberal and decided no ordinary college was right for me.
They assumed (mistakenly) that a B Sc (Bachelor of Studying Clowns) would lead to a very prominent job, as those initials were written into all the want adds of the time as a requirement.
So, off I went – in face paint and baggy pants – and happily completed the highly prestigious 3 year program (in just under 7 years!). I graduated ‘Magnum Cum Louder’ as my clothes were outragiously gregarious, my voice loud , and the hair shockingly….purple!!!!
I definitely stood out (at least that’s what the first 95 employers that interviewed me said)
Some told me my skills were outdated (court jesters faded out centuries ago one implied), while others suggested my degree wasn’t worth the macaroni it was printed on.
So, I went back to school to upgrade and perhaps learn a second language. (I was the only one to graduate this class because I ended up eating all of the other students. They went well with my burger)
Upon graduation – again – I still had no luck in finding work. It seems no on wanted a bilingual clown. (at least not outside government)
So, shifting gears, I entered automotive college but was expelled (driven out?) as every time we crashed into the wall I left face paint on the windshield (that took forever to wash off.) Also, they said that my baggy pants acted way too much like a natural airbag and defeated the purposes of many of their tests. (They should have mentioned all of the this before I had gotten those weird symbols tattooed on both sides of my head)
(a fellow classmate instagrammed me this photo of their graduation.)
So, what was a comedic person with numerous degrees to do? Well, I was fortunate enough to bump into another like-minded (heavily degree-tattoo laiden) clown by the name of Alexandre Rouillard.
(see ‘Our story’)
Together, we decided to open this virtual diner; one stocked with fresh jokes, tasty asides, and generous portions. We offer an interesting asylum to experience the usual events of life, unusually.
Bon appetit!
