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The Devil Is In The Details.
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“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show. (In fact he won a Grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)
Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on sidewalk ice I would venture to say.)
Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of that settlement amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food, suitable lodgings and an extra space heater for his office.
Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?
Possibly.
Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?
Maybe.
Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?
Probably.
A great film called ‘The Exorcist‘ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil.
I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?” Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius? (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)
And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.
With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.
Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (maybe he already has because who really started this ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)
Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit, and then up with the air conditioning.)
Laughter Is Your Lips Jogging. So Go For A Run!
Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather.)
Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!
If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.
(and read our book)
If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of marble cheese.
(and read our book)
If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both those houses and tear down that fence!
(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)
Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like: your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (actually, I would infinitely prefer the plaque over Kim’s recitation of the immortal ‘Bard’s’ words.)
Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right? (or take up juggling.)
So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!
Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?
But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.
So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. I’ve also been told it’s a great source of much needed roughage as well. (better than bran.)
By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.
(and isn’t that definitely better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)
Bon appetit!
(get your copy of our book here; I hand-sign every copy ordered!)
The Cartoonist Who Came In From The Cold. Seriously!
Well, it’s official. The statistics are in and it turns out that this past February was the coldest on record here in Ontario (especially Toronto, where I live), and Quebec (more importantly Montreal, where Alexander lives). I have to admit it was indeed crisp but once suitably dressed one managed to deal with it. (My butt was definitely covered up nicely by my long-johns trap-door, thank you.)
I suppose there are colder places one could find oneself. (The temperature on the Moon for example, can get as cold as – 233 Celsius at night. Brrr.) I think the only place considered colder would be feeling that icy stare from Kanye West because you did not want to stand up – as he asked everyone to do at one of his recent concerts. (he was miffed when two people in the front row wouldn’t stand, so he halted the show. Turns out they couldn’t stand as one was in a wheelchair and the other had a prothetic limb. He glared at them anyway.)
Maybe Kanye should hold his next concert on top of an icy mountain in Tibet. (This way only the fittest can attend, which would make him extremely happy I’m sure)
This deli definitely serves ‘cold’ meats. (and their sandwich ‘buns’ – as well as yours – are probably a might cool as well.)
So, what did I do to stay warm during this record-breaking cold spell you ask? Well, when I went out I definitely dressed in layers. I had on about ten layers of clothing and on top of that I hired five layers of extra people to surround me to buffer the windchill. (best money I ever spent.) It did look kind of odd though when I drove the car and had
them all hanging on the outside, staying anchored by all the extra straps I had installed. I must say though that I did not lose a single person on account of a sudden turn or quick acceleration. (in fact I lost six.)
I also managed to get to a few hot Yoga sessions to keep the body toasty and limber, and the mind relaxed. (It was a bit of a ways from my house to this fellow’s studio but well worth it. While there I even had a free acupuncture treatment – from him jabbing me with a pitchfork of some kind.)
All-in-all I guess the best way to escape the cold is to actually escape the cold. Get on a plane and head to a beach somewhere warm (and thong acceptable.) Then sit back and let the warm ocean breezes float against your cheeks.
I’d better start collecting those air-miles because this time next year I am so out of here. As it stands now I have enough air-miles to get me to Buffalo, which is not good. I believe that the average citizen there has at least 12 layers of clothing and nine layers of people needed to keep one warm.
Unfortunately, my budget only allows for ten layers of clothing, and with all the lawsuits I’m down to only two people huddled around me to keep me warm. (at least they’re Sumo wrestlers so I’m still fairly comfortable.)
Stay warm! Spring is on the way!!
Spring Is In The Air! Not.
Right about now – especially for Alexandre and myself – we are of the mindset that spring should be here instead of a couple more months of bitter cold. But, as our happy friend in this cartoon remarks it’s all in how you view it. (In Canada temperatures are in Celsius; if I convert it to Fahrenheit it would be warmer) Fair enough. I still view it as winter though AND I STILL WANT IT TO BE SPRING! There’s a reason they call this time the ‘dead of winter’. Not too much to do but hunker down inside the home, try to stay warm and keep taking vitamin D.
Even my cat Subira (who I have trained to go for walks on a leash) wants to be outside. She gets
a bit antsy being cooped up inside during the coldest time of year but, what’s one to do? I do get her out when the weather co-operates but if it’s bitter cold and accompanied by a meter of snow then forget it! We stay inside, sipping hot drinks and playing chess. (how one can lose to a cat needs further explanation, and I’m not going to give it. I’m mocked enough by family, friends 
and neighbours – even the odd dog – so let it lie.)
Although losing three weeks in a row did eventually send me out into the frostbite to have a few drinks with some old friends at a local watering hole. At least there I seemed to be the happiest of the bunch. (one guy even lost to his parakeet at blackjack.)
Later that night on my way home from the pub I did bump into these happy-go-lucky guys. 
They seemed good with the cold and knew how to best roll with it. They offered to hoist me up onto their shoulders for a spin but I said I don’t monkey around after having a few drinks, and declined. They took it in stride and didn’t go totally ‘apeshit’ all over me.
Once back home I went to bed and dreamed of the approaching winter’s thaw. Next morning I a
woke only to be surrounded by water! It seems Subira had poked a few holes in my water bed during the night and I had sprung a leak! (that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.)
Spring will be here soon enough and Subira and I will walk the streets again, basking in the heat. But in the meantime I’m thinking of taking a few on-line courses to ‘up my game’ so as not to keep losing to her.
Maybe I need to change games to , say, go fish. No, I have a hunch she’d be good at that too.
Stay warm!
Resolutions And Your Resolve. Too Early To Tell?
Well 2015 is finally here and with it comes the hope of a great year ahead. (what it doesn’t come with – like most of your Christmas presents – is a money back guarantee should you not like it). And thus far, how many New Year’s eve resolutions have you managed to keep? (out of a dozen or so promised?) As for myself I tend not to make any end of the year resolutions; if I want to change something I just simply do it instead of waiting.
But for most the dawn of a different year brings fresh hope and renewed vigour that their goal(s) can be achieved. No more same old, same old!
Perhaps you’re trying to lose a little weight. Well one could adjust their food intake alone but certainly doing a little exercise will help. It may not feel like heaven doing it but in the end you’ll 
look and feel so much better.
And, when your friends ask how did you loose those twenty pounds? Simply tell them to ‘go to Hell’. (and don’t forget to smile when you say that)
Shedding unwanted pounds is near the top of many peoples’ resolution list, along with giving up smoking or cutting back on drinking.
Unfortunately it’s one of the first to be tossed aside when one passes the nearest baker, deli place or kid with a chocolate bar in her hand.
At least this deli place requires you to hike a nearby mountain top to get it, so you’ll definitely be working off that pastrami and cheese sandwich. (and everything else you ate for the last five months)
Maybe one of your (non-binding) resolutions was to finally get out of your rut and see more of the world.
Bravo! It’s good to get out from behind that computer screen and actually see all you can see from sea to shining sea.
Now, you don’t have to be extreme in your changes. Maybe simply resolve to walk a different way home after school or work. Volunteer to help others and give back to the community. Or wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. Resolve to think outside the box. Change should always be viewed as a positive.
What’s that you say? You want to change your job completely this year? Then do it right now! It’s never too late to begin a new career. (Print out this cartoon and carry it in your wallet for inspiration.)
Alexandre and I have had several jobs before we opened our Mustard and Boloney cartoon diner. We’ve found that we’re much better at frying up jokes than cookin’ the books.
So, start 2015 off with a bang! And remember, once you’ve made a change – stick with it. Resolve to make those resolutions stick. (use crazy glue if need be)
Oh, and by-the-way, the milkshake you ordered is ready; the one made with skim milk, low fat ice cream and artificial sweetener.
Bon Apetite!
What Comes Next After…..Ah, Well…… You Know?
DEATH. Now there’s an attention grabber if I ever wrote one. It’s a fascinating subject and people throughout the ages have often wondered what exactly comes next.
Take this fellow here who clearly feels very optimistic about his afterlife. His idea of heaven definitely involves taking in all those network pay-per-view programs, (ones he could never afford while alive) now for free! And unlimited!! (I’m sure God has access to everything – including HBO and his streaming speeds must be out of this world!) The guy in the coffin can now relax and watch ‘The Walking Dead’ he’s heard so much about. (It would probably royally screw up his day if he – in fact – turned into said Zombie or went to Hell).
As for me I feel that once it’s over, it’s over. So you’d better enjoy it now while you can.
Why do they call ‘him’ the Grim reaper anyway? It’s not like we ever see his face hidden inside that robe of his. Maybe he’s a happy sort who has things to do just like the rest of us. His job just happens to be a little different, agreed, but hey, somebody’s got to do it. Right? (at least with that robe on he won’t need strength 50 sunblock. We wouldn’t want his bones to be tanned now would we? And, I’m sure he’s wearing a thong under there. Just saying.)
Interestingly in 1934 a film was made entitled: ‘Death Takes A Holiday’. It starred Frederick March (an excellent actor) as the ‘Grim Reaper’ himself. The premise of the picture was that he (Devil) takes on human form for a few days to walk amongst the living to find out why they fear him and dying so much. Duh. He needn’t have gone to all that trouble. He should have simply gotten a paying job at the NSA and taken it from there.
Friends? Well, I’d say he has a few at least, although I doubt they serf. (Here they’re enjoying a few brews and discussing how a turkey like ‘Horrible Bosses 2’ ever got made.)
When I go I want it to be a joyous occasion; one not marred by the fact I’ll never write another 
noteworthy or humourous post again. (some readers are probably praying for that right now).
As Woody Allen says, ‘I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
I say just pack me in water when my time comes! We began in the sea and back to the sea we go. (although, I can’t swim so I’m liable to drown, again)
Actually when an environmentalist such as myself does eventually go I’ve asked for an eco-friendly burial. This is where you are simply placed into a sack (no chemicals added – especially aspartame) and buried in the forest. Instead of a marker, wildflowers are planted.
Oh, and make sure the remote control is tossed in with me.(it’s in my will) I wouldn’t want to miss an important game.
As Bill Shankly so aptly said, “Some people think football is a matter of life and death. It’s much more serious than that.”
You think?
Mustard And Boloney Get Cheeky. ‘Butt’ Seriously!
We here at Mustard and Boloney cartoons are not adverse or afraid to show a little ‘skin’ from time-to-time, nor to get down and be a touch ‘cheeky’ every now and then as well. I mean we proudly display a bit on the cover of our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.
(please, no wisecracks about the humour)
And, I know many of you have often wanted to go to work dressed a little more casual than usual; you know, get away from the tired, old, stuffy formal office look. Now not too many of you could show up at work like this 
and still expect to have a job by days end. As for me, well I can, as I work mostly from home. So, most often I simply sit around all day in the buff and no one cares. Think of me as the character that actor Richard Dreyfuss played in the 1977 film ‘The Goodbye Girl’ (for which he won is only Oscar to date). In the film he is in his bedroom playing the guitar when his roommate (Paula played by Marsha Mason) knocks and asks, “Are you decent?” He says back through the door, “Yes.” She then enters only to find him naked and playing his guitar. She says, “I thought you said you were decent?” He replies, “I am. I also happen to be naked.”
Still, there have been a few interesting ‘moments’ that working at home in the buff has presented me. I remember one time calmly answering the doorbell all the while forgetting I was completely`sans`clothing. (Those Jehovah’s 
Witnesses probably won’t be back anytime this century!) They should have just turned the other cheek and simply embraced the moment. I mean, isn’t it written, “But I sayeth to you. That you resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the also other”).
In hindsight It probably wouldn’t have done them much good because upon leaving my front porch they invariably had to run past my driveway.
And let’s definitely hope those same Jehovah’s Witnesses never ventured far enough to run into another ‘clothing optional’ person. Once in a lifetime is surely enough!
But, If they did I hope they took a selfie. Or, in this case a ‘soulie’.
Back in 1974 streaking was all the craze across North America. People would drop their clothes and streak through a crowded auditorium, wedding ceremony, even at the 46th annual Oscar ceremonies!
Ray Opel actually streaked across the Oscar stage right behind presenter David Niven. The ever-cool Niven barely blinked before casually addressing the audience. He said “Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?” (see clip here)
One more note: The streaking craze was even made more famous by singer Ray Stevens when in 1974 he wrote and recorded the song the Streak.
Well, I’m a bit tired now and I feel the need for a short vacation. This seems like a nice spot to park my butt. And, with my wife at my side we will certainly be doing a little dancing cheek-to-cheek. (Irving Berlin song from 1935)
Who knows, maybe I’ll bump into our Jehovah’s Witnesses friends here, relaxing (much needed), and listening to Ray Stevens on their i-pod. It’s good to commune and be one with nature, don’t you think?
Butt Seriously!
The Devil Made Me Write This.
“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show. (In fact he won a grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)
Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on ice I would venture to say.)
Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of at that amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food, and suitable lodgings.
Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?
Possibly.
Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?
Maybe.
Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?
Probably.
A great film called ‘The Exorcist’ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil. I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?” Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius? (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)
And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.
With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.
Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (who really know who started the ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)
Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record, as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit).
Feeling Low? Then Hit That Reset Button!
Sales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather)
Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!
If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.
(and read our book)
If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of cheese.
(and read our book)
If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both houses and tear down that fence!
(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)
Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like: your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (although for us city dwellers it would be more like raccoons than insects).
Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right?
So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!
Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?
But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.
So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book (here) and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. It’s a great source of much needed roughage as well!
By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.
(and isn’t that better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)
Bon appetit!