Friends, Romans, Countrymen. Lend Me Your Ears!

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There’s obviously no denying we live in a visual world. The eyes absorb all everywhere you look. But, what of our other senses? What are they taking in? Are they being utilized to their fullest? (the other senses being: hearing, smell, taste and touch)

Our potato friend here clearly has needs but is anyone in his immediate vicinity really listening? (that fellow bottom left looks like he’s reading on an i-pad) Maybe if Mr. Head flashed a giant banner or had dancing French fries behind him he would garnish more attention. As it is, he’s virtually invisible.

Most humans strictly rely on their sight – first and foremost – for just about everything, whereascolor_0217_blind_dog a dog, for example,  interprets the world predominantly by sense of smell. Can you imagine relying just on your nose to understand the world around you? A dog’s sense of smell can be as much as 10,000,000 times more sensitive than us human’s. Whoa! (maybe that’s why we – as a species –  started showering daily. Poor Fido couldn’t stand us!)

And, just when was the last time you could smell a friend approaching from six blocks away?

Also, what of hearing? I SAID WHAT OF HEARING! Good, now that I’ve got you listening  try and imagine living in a world without your eyes for a moment.

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I used to work in radio as a producer and ones sense of hearing becomes greatly attuned to the job at hand. They become your eyes. An orchestra conductor, for example,  knows when someone isn’t playing a piece properly, not by sight – as that violinist he’s looking at could be going through the right movements – but rather by sound (the hearing -or not hearing –  of the correct notes.)

 

Our woodsy friend here (hear?) needs a sympathetic and knowledgeable ear to air a certain problem. Whatcolor_0379_tree_noise if the psychiatrist was not listening but instead doing Suduko as our trunk talked?

Our poor tree would then feel like a sap (ling) wouldn’t he?

I always find it interesting to watch how my cat approaches something new. (be it food or a toy for example) She first sees it – true – but then cautiously moves in for a sniff and then a light touch with her paw. If it’s food she’ll then taste it. If it subira and bottlemakes a sudden sound she’ll jump sky high! She rolls through all her senses before deeming things okay. She doesn’t just trust her eyes. (this is her checking out a water bottle while undoing a knot – such talent! Houdini would be proud).

 

So, take a moment and go outside without your cell phone, family, friends, clothes or even your pet. Then simply close your eyes and listen. Let all your other senses bring in the world to you. Listen for sounds. Smell the air. Feel the breeze embrace you.  If it’s snowing stick out your tongue and taste a snowflake. Or try this: take acolor_0218_deep_see_fishing single strawberry for example. Study it with your eyes then roll it between you fingers. Listen to the sound it makes when you rub it. Then bring it close and give it a good sniff before popping it into your mouth. It’s quite an amazing concept really and one we tend to overlook.

Most of us are always in a hurry. We see the strawberry,  pop it in and gone. It looked good but…….

Savour the moment (s) before it’s gone.

Hey, I just had a great idea: I think I’ll make my next post a ‘scratch ‘n’ sniff’ one. I’m so on it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which Came First. The Chicken Or The Egg?

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Being a cartoonist is a lot of fun and I enjoy making people smile, roar out loud, or just plain howl at the moon with laughter. But, I am often asked which comes first: the idea (captions etc.) or the drawing? In other words which comes first: the chicken or the egg?

I like to think that all depends on the surface. If it is a downhill race then definitely the egg will come first. But, rather, if it is an uphill course or on level playing field then I’m afraid our poor egg will always be second to the swift – and possibly tasty – chicken.

All kidding aside I imagine that all depends on the cartoonist. Mustard and Boloney cartoonscolor_0131_barnyard are not just created by one individual. I (Mustard) tend to come up with the ideas, captions etc. and then type them out. Then, cartoonist extraordinaire Alexandre Rouillard (Boloney)  takes those bare bones, bits of flesh and hair, and turns them into a full-fledged up-right human. His talent for turning scant bits of verbal information into a single panel of pure gold is amazing!

At times we need a little back and forth (maybe I change the line now that I see it drawn or perhaps it needs a slight visual tweak) before you have a finished cartoon. But, not that often!!

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Dan Piraro (creator of Bizarro) who wrote the forward to our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’  has this to say about Alexandre’s artistry: “The art in this book speaks for itself. It is a perfect balance or realism and exaggeration, humour and pathos, in a style that harkens back to the golden age of Playboy, but without the tits. Rouillard has mastered something that takes even the most talented cartoonists years to achieve.”

Actually, working with Alexandre involves another interesting twist: we don’t even live in the same city! He lives in Montreal and I live in Toronto. (we are about an 8 hour drive apart)

But, with modern technology that problem is easily overcome. Can you imagine if we were color_0266_ben_hurcartoonists back in the days of imperial Rome? I would create the idea then write it out with a quill pen before mailing it. Months later when it arrived at Alexandres, he would open it – laugh of course – and proceed to draw. Then he would send it back to me for possible tweaking. Then back to him for the changes. So, at that rate we would probably have done one – maybe two –  cartoons a year! The world needs our humour faster than that!! (Caesar might not have been stabbed by so many had they all had a little more humour in their lives.)

So, if you’d like a joke a day – one containing all of your comedic calories minus the salt – then look no further than our Mustard and Boloney diner. You could also purchase a copy of our latest book here and enjoy its contents over a plate of fried eggs or chicken, depending on who lost the race.

Bon appetit!

Mustard And Boloney Get Cheeky. ‘Butt’ Seriously!

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Our book cover

 

We here at Mustard and Boloney cartoons are not adverse or afraid to show a little ‘skin’ from time-to-time, nor to get down and be a touch ‘cheeky’ every now and then as well. I mean we proudly display a bit on the cover of our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.

(please, no wisecracks about the humour)

 

And, I know many of you have often wanted to go to work dressed a little more casual than usual; you know, get away from the tired, old, stuffy formal office look. Now not too many of you could show up at work like this color_0341_casual_fridaysand still expect to have a job by days end. As for me, well I can, as I work mostly from home. So, most often I simply sit around all day in the buff and no one cares. Think of me as the character that actor Richard Dreyfuss played in the 1977 film ‘The Goodbye Girl’ (for which he won is only Oscar to date). In the film he is in his bedroom playing the guitar when his roommate (Paula played by Marsha Mason) knocks and asks, “Are you decent?” He says back through the door, “Yes.” She then enters only to find him naked and playing his guitar. She says, “I thought you said you were decent?” He replies, “I am. I also happen to be naked.”

Still, there have been a few interesting ‘moments’ that working at home in the buff has presented me. I remember one time calmly answering the doorbell all the while forgetting I was completely`sans`clothing.  (Those Jehovah’s color_0589_assphaltWitnesses probably won’t be back anytime this century!) They should have just turned the other cheek and simply embraced the moment. I mean, isn’t it written, “But I sayeth to you. That you resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the also other”).

In hindsight It probably wouldn’t have done them much good because upon leaving my front porch they invariably had to run past my driveway.

And let’s definitely hope those same Jehovah’s Witnesses never ventured far enough to run into another ‘clothing optional’ person. Once in a lifetime is surely enough!color_0101_nada

 

But, If they did I hope they took a selfie. Or, in this case a ‘soulie’.

Back in 1974 streaking was all the craze across North America. People would drop their clothes and streak through a crowded auditorium, wedding ceremony, even at the 46th annual Oscar ceremonies!

Ray Opel actually streaked across the Oscar stage right behind presenter David Niven. The ever-cool Niven barely blinked before casually addressing the audience. He said “Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen.  But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?” (see clip here)

color_0130_bare_countryOne more note: The streaking craze was even made more famous by singer Ray Stevens when in 1974 he wrote and recorded  the song the Streak.

Well, I’m a bit tired now and I feel the need for a short vacation. This seems like a nice spot to park my butt. And, with my wife at my side we will certainly be doing a little dancing cheek-to-cheek. (Irving Berlin song from 1935)

Who knows, maybe I’ll bump into our Jehovah’s Witnesses friends here, relaxing (much needed), and listening to Ray Stevens on their i-pod. It’s good to commune and be one with nature, don’t you think?

Butt Seriously!

 

Mustard And Boloney T-Shirts Now Available. Seriously.

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Good news for all of you comedic lovers out there who wear clothes (and for the ones that don’t we can tattoo the design right onto your chest). Mustard and Boloney now has t-shirts available for sale. That’s right!

These all white mens and women’s t-shirts come in sizes ranging from small to extra, extra-large. And the design is definitely one that will surely attract attention. (especially for all those nudists if it is tattooed onto their chest)

The design is the Statue of Liberty’s aromatic underarm; one about to be wiped fresh with antiperspirants.  A classic!

(actually, if you check on our website here you can see an animation of this particular cartoon; one complete with sound-effects)

With Christmas slowly creeping up now is a great time to order several for friends and family. Maybe even get an extra one for old St. Nicholas. (much better than leaving cookies and milk. Imustard-and-liberty--WOMEN-TEE mean, what if Santa is lactose and gluten intolerant? What then? We can’t have poor Santa cramping and passing wind in each house he’s visiting now can we?)

There is certainly no better way to impress his reindeer – or Mrs. Claus – than to be seen wearing a Mustard and Boloney original t-shirt under his red suit.

 

So, order yours (and his)  – right here – today!

(Oh, and try not to spill any Mustard on it.)

 

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Our New Book ‘Butt Seriously’, Seriously Entertains.

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Our book cover

Our new book entitled, “Butt Seriously, has sold out its first run! (I have a new batch on order and they should be here within a day or so). Thanks to the many of you that have purchased, not only for yourselves but for your friends as well.

One person from Australia ordered 4 books! I hand-signed each one as I do for all copies ordered through our website. (I have yet to dab real mustard into any book but am definitely contemplating it. For now though, it’s my signature and a choice phrase).

And, what cartoons have tasted the best for our readers you may ask? Why all of them of course!  I have received e-mails and letters from people expressing their enjoyment of the book, and maybe a cartoon that stood out for them. John from California wrote (via letter), “Really enjoyed the cartoon book. Saw it on Bizarro’s (he wrote Pizarro, but I won’t tell Dan) blog and ordered it. Keep up the good work!” John didn’t say exactly what his favourite panel was so let’s assume it’s this one as it takes place in sunny California. (where one could get a little wrinkled if left out in the sun too long.)

 

 

 

This e-mail I received from Hiren who lives right here in Toronto, only a short drive from my own home. Hiren wrote, “From the few cartoons that I went through on your website, they were

indeed clever and right up my alley. Re: humour wise.” She then ordered a book and loved it! Thanks Hiren.

Joesphine – who also lives in Toronto – enjoyed the book immensely. One of her favourite cartoons was this one of a ‘not-so-free-willy’.

Macs from Michigan writes: “I love it! Not just the toons, but the format, colour, and –  this may be a qwerk of mine- the feel of the cover.”

And, you may ask, what is Dan Piraro’s (Bizarros) favourite cartoon? Well, he seemed to like them all, so-much-so in fact that he felt compelled to write the forward to the book. Thanks Dan for your kind words. (as a sneek peak at a cartoon from our next book, I sent this one about Harry Potter to Dan for an opinion. He loved it and this panel instantly became one of his favourites. He even commented about it on his blog.)

 

 

Now you’re probably wondering what is my personal favourite out of all of the cartoons that have been completed to date. Well, I love them all but one stands out for me. It’s actually the one on the cover of the book. (here it is without all the writing covering it.)

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Now this cartoon came to me while I was standing outside a store that had an ice machine in front of it. It just ‘popped’ into my head. I immediately wrote it down and sent it to Alexandre to add his artistic genius. And he did! In my version I didn’t have the patient – that was Alexander’s idea to add him. Perfection!!!

An interesting aside to this story is that when my brother-in-law went in to have surgery to remove some cancer (successful I might add) I had this cartoon printed onto a hospital gown, and he wore it into the operating room! It gave everyone a laugh. He even wore it during his entire hospital stay and everyone on the floor came in to see it. Indeed, laughter is the best medicine no matter what these two bozos think!

 

So, thanks again to all who have ordered our book thus far and to those contemplating an order I say, “When hungry for humour order our book and eat a page a day. It’s also a great source of roughage as well.”

Pass the mustard.

Bon appetit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Education, In The First Degree

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There was an interesting movie that I once saw on television; one that made me think allot about education versus experience. The film? It was titled “Teacher’s Pet”. Made in 1958, it starred Clark Gable, Doris Day and Gig Young. I remember seeing it before I went into university. The one line from the film that stuck with me was, “Education is the horse; experience, the jockey.”

Nowadays, it seems that just about everyone needs a degree in something just to get into any entry level position with a company. No longer can you not even obtain a high school education and still manage to find work. Everything seems so highly skilled in today’s market. And, of course, you must attend the best schools! (whatever they may be.) But, education is increasing unaffordable for all, and sometimes the professors they color_0296_hannibalhire at these institutions leave much to be desired.

 

I feel that quality education is the one thing that should be provided to all for free. Knowledge opens up more doors than it closes. Sure, they have been success stories of those who have not finished a so-called ‘formal education’. Some notable people include: Steve Jobs (Apple), Bill Gates (Microsoft), David Karp (creator of Tumblr), Richard Branson (CEO of Virgin), Quentin Tarantino (writer/director of Reservoir Dogs), and Peter Jackson (writer/director of ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy).

 

This is not to say that one can’t go back to school at a later time should one wish. I myself started university when I was 29 years old. I had worked for many years in radio but felt I needed a change. Sure it may be daunting to return – as high school was so long ago –  but exciting at the same time!

Campus life is also an interesting one. You’ll certainly meet interesting people, engage in new ideas with professors, and ponder some of life’s larger questions with peers. Questions such as: ‘Why do hotdogs color_0342_picome in a pack of 12 while the buns only come in a pack of 8?’. (course needed to decipher answer: ‘Rocket Science’.)

Or: why does the mother of Honey Boo Boo date a man of such dubious credentials? (course needed: psychology 101, 201, 301 and so on -including a masters)

Or ‘what does this cartoon actually mean?’ (course needed: all of them!)

 

 

color_0329_clown_graduation So, no matter what your choice of school is try to keep it fun. Learning should not be dry and boring but alive and electric!

And, if it’s not exciting and informative then I suggest you dress up like these fellows and walk into class. Sure you’ll make heads turn but once you’ve mastered the art of ‘pie throwing’ or ‘wearing that false nose’ they will all envy and respect you.  If they don’t then pour seltzer water down the professor’s pants. This will at least get you noticed and possibly put on the ‘dean’s list’. And, from there, well…who knows! Is doesn’t matter when you start your educational journey just so long as you start. So climb that horse and take charge!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”

Nelson Mandela

 

 

 

 

 

Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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Exciting news!  Several Mustard and Boloney cartoons will be shown in an art gallery. That’s right! We were asked to be part of a show featuring black/white art, so we printed up several large versions of some of our cartoons (in black and white of course)  and had them framed.  The prints are hand-signed by both Alexandre and myself. We are the only cartoonists to be invited to this particular show.  Who knows, maybe Lady Gaga 0217_blind_dogwill stop in and buy one or two prints. (she may even end up wearing them at some point. Earrings?)

 

Here’s an example of one of the pictures we’ve had framed for the show. (the size  is 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

 

 

 

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And, here’s another that looks great blown up and mounted under glass. (also 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

 

 

For those of you who live in the Toronto area here are the particulars of where the show is being held, and the date.

 

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October 29th – November 4th

Ben Navaee Gallery

1107 Queen Street East

Toronto, Ontario.

416-466-3996

Opening Reception takes place November 1st, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

It’s for one week only so your window to view -and perhaps purchase – them is short. I will be at the Saturday night gala (minus the chef’s hat but probably wearing my shoes made of boloney) from 6:30-8:30. Hope to see you all there!

 

A Year Older, But Wiser?

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Well dear readers, this week is an interesting one because as I look at the calender I notice that it’s my (insert age here) birthday week. And just like our aging planet Earth (over 4.5 billion years and counting) I too am starting to feel a bit rusty in spots, a touch weak in the eyes, and no longer can I digest 12 corn chili dogs in one sitting. (and we won’t even discuss my hair loss although compared to Alexandre I think I’m doing pretty good.)

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(I’m on the left; Alexandre is on the right)

 

 

 

At my (insert age here) stage of life perhaps I should book an appointment with my family doctor andcolor_0132_heavy_metals get a complete physical. You know, check under the hood, so to speak.

 

 

(As a kid I did happen to swallow some loose change once that I found under a couch pillow, and as of yet it has not been accounted for)

 

 

 

But, that’s not for a lack of effort on my part. Maybe too much effort in fact.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, I’ll probably need all that loose change  – and more – as retirement looms somewhere over a distant horizon. (perhaps I should start swallowing a dollar a day now and with any luck – and allot of compound interest – I might just be okay)

Only drawback to that is weight gain. (I’ll just tell people I’m banking on my future and that once I’m retired then watch out for rapid weight loss!)

Fortunately, I pleased to report, I still have my funny bone (now where did I put that thing – oh

there it is holding up my open window), and along with Alexandre’s fabulous artistry, we will continue to hopefully bring a smile to your face, and put a song in your heart. (actually for that last part I’d need to get Katy Perry to assist as neither Alexandre nor I can hold a tune.)

And, I guess I should start doing more Sudokos to keep that brain in tip-top shape. (now where did I leave that thing again?)

Laughter is indeed the best medicine no matter what a couple of clowns like Alexandre and I say. (I’m the clown on the left of course as he has more hair)color_0335_headstone

I plan on laughing right up until the end (unless it happens when I’m in a movie theatre watching an Adam Sandler picture then I’ll be definitely going out crying).

 

On my tombstone they should write something like, “Here lies Mustard. He never could tell the truth.”

Now, I’m off for chocolate cake (let’s hope it’s a money cake) and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!

Bon Appetit.

 

The Devil Made Me Write This.

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“The Devil made me do it!” became a national catch phrase in the 1970s thanks to Flip Wilson. This great stand-up comedian – whose television show I used to watch weekly – oftentimes dressed up as his alter ego ‘Geraldine’. And the above phrase along with one of his (her) other favourite lines, “The Devil made me buy this dress!” always proved hysterically funny when ‘Flip’ said them on his show.  (In fact he won a grammy award for his album ‘The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.’)

Yes, I’m sure we all know the story of Lucifer, but what we don’t know is just how big a settlement he received – and, whom did he in fact receive it from? (I mean a fall like the one he undertook probably was worth plenty; more than an amount paid out for just slipping on ice I would venture to say.)

Of course his lawyer(s) probably would have eaten away much – if not all – of at that amount for services rendered throughout the endless centuries, until there probably wasn’t even enough left for our ‘Prince of Darkness’ to buy clothes, food,  and suitable lodgings.

Does the Devil blame anyone in particular for his lot in life?

Possibly.

Does the Devil sit around and watch Fox news all day?

Maybe.

Does the Devil think of myriad ways to ‘upgrade’ his status in the world and get more ‘likes’ on his Facebook page?

Probably.

 

A great film called ‘The Exorcist’ (1973) starred a very young actress named Linda Blair, who in the film was supposedly possessed by the Devil. I remember watching that film and thinking, “Mnnnn. If the Devil likes it so hot all the time (at least my understanding) then why does he make her room so cold?”  Could he have grossly miscalculated on his conversion to Celsius?  (Maybe learning the metric system would make him a much happier Devil.) Or, does he have an undiagnosed thyroid problem? (In which case a few medications would be just the answer.)

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And, as a much happier Devil his health might improve.

With improvement comes a better frame of mind, and possibly inner peace.

Who knows, the Devil then might just move to a city and open up a ‘yoga’ sanctuary. (who really know who started the ‘bikram’ trend anyway?)

Odd, I was going to write a post about a completely unrelated matter but as I sat down to compose my fingers typed out this. Why? The Devil made me do it! (I’ve just gotta stop playing that record, as well as take a moment to turn down the thermostat a wee bit).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall Is In The Air

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October is a great time of the year here in Canada.  Not only is it the month I was born in but it’s also the time when cooler temperatures settle in, trees change colour almost overnight (before dropping their crimson red or amber leaves to the forest floor) and thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner with family fills ones heart and mind.

 

But, other thoughts crowd in too because as Fall creeps in summer unfortunately peters out – and with it the heat! No longer can one wear plaid shorts, a tank top and sandals.  And, most certainly wearing no clothes at all is definitely out of the question! (Sweaters and jackets are the new order of the day.)

Naturally, as the weather changes one can no more indulge in some of the more ‘warm

color_0071_golf_frankensteinweather’ sports.

(I’d say this fellows handicap is off the charts!)

Those other notable companions that make up his foursome include: Dracula, The Werewolf and of course, The Mummy. (Dracula, rumour has it, is a lousy golf partner, as he apparently sucks the ‘life’ out of any game he’s in. Although, when you think about it, his partners are all already dead anyway.)

Also, as the temperature outside dips so does one ‘stop dipping’ because it’s too darn cold!.

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(One could of course go to an indoor pool but then one wouldn’t get a tan now would they? Nor could you watch the traffic fly past as you’re speeding down the highway in the fast lane while floating on an inflatable chair, drink in hand, so above it all in your Google self-driving  car.)

 

 

 

The Fall also brings with it a student’s quest for higher learning, as Colleges and Universities

color_0012_prizzonopen up their campuses to the inquiring mind.

 

 

(the tuition they charge at this institution is so astronomically high it should be considered criminal)

 

 

 

 

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So, I say get out now and enjoy the crisp autumn weather while you can, because soon enough old man winter will not only be breathing down your neck but also up through the back ‘trap door’ of your long johns. Brrrrrrrrrr.

Bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate and let me warm my toes by a cozy wood fire!

*****************************CONTEST SOLVED*********************************

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all.  And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like me.)

*****************************BONUS*********************************************Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!