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Boloney Illustrates New Children’s Book. Seriously!
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There is exciting news here at Mustard and Boloney’s cartoon diner! Alexandre Rouillard (Boloney) has just completed illustrating a brand new children’s book called: Lulupop, Pants! No Chance!
And, I have been privileged enough to receive an advance copy. I can honestly say that the story is strong and of course Alexandre’s artistry – as always – is impeccable. His style is a departure from our usual offerings here on our comedic diner but then it needs to be, as the book is designed for, well, why not let the author herself describe it? Take it away Susan Lanyi.
Pants! No Chance! is a picture book directed at preschool and primary school children. The story focuses on Lulupop, a girl who simply loves dresses and does not like wearing pants. Lulupop and her mother struggle daily but Lulupop is a feisty heroine with a mind of her own and she insists on wearing dresses no matter what the situation. Through her own personal experience Lulupop eventually understands in particular situations it is more sensible to wear pants.
The inspiration for the main character Lulupop and “Pants! No Chance!” was Susan Lanyi’s three year-old daughter Leah who always wanted to wear dresses. Susan believed that she was not the only one living this battle with her preschooler. Other parents must have had similar experiences. Thus the idea for Pants! No Chance! was born.
Thanks Susan for visiting our diner and bringing this book to our attention. And, Alexandre Rouillard’s stunning water-colors certainly have brought life and breath to Lulupop the “Girl Who Loves Dresses.”
Thanks Susan. I already know of one young person I will make sure gets a copy, and that’s my granddaughter Maisey. (who loves dresses as well).
To order your own copy of this great children’s’ book visit:
Are You Seeing Double? Yes, You Are!
Alexandre and I are extremely proud and excited to have sold an astounding amount of copies of our new book ‘Butt, Seriously’. I have to use all my toes and fingers plus some of Alexandre’s to count that high.
To all of you who bought we give a heartfelt thanks. And, to those that haven’t yet managed to snag a copy we say: Why not? Is a heartfelt thanks not enough? Do you require a kidney too?
Or, are you secretly waiting for the deal of the century?
Well, here it is! Out in the open. THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY!
For a limited time we’re prepared to offer this fabulous deal: Buy one book at the regular price
and get an additional copy for only 5 bucks more! You heard – or rather read – that right. You can now get two copies of this humorous tome for only $25. (shipping, handling and taxes included.)
I will also personally hand-sign each and every copy of this collectors item, which contains over 100 of our classic cartoons, and all in full eye-popping colour.
WOW! I say WOW again. Never before has such an offer been written by me and in this blog.
I repeat (especially after Chili night at our house) : Get two copies of our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ for the unheard of price of only $25 dollars. Hey, I’ll even – as this cartoon suggests – throw in a cruise to further sweeten the deal, so long as you pay for the cruise/airfare and all the taxes yourself.
So, get you own copy of the book that Dan Piraro – creator of Bizarro – has been raving about RIGHT HERE by clicking with your mouse thingy. Butt seriously!
Spring Is In The Air! Not.
Right about now – especially for Alexandre and myself – we are of the mindset that spring should be here instead of a couple more months of bitter cold. But, as our happy friend in this cartoon remarks it’s all in how you view it. (In Canada temperatures are in Celsius; if I convert it to Fahrenheit it would be warmer) Fair enough. I still view it as winter though AND I STILL WANT IT TO BE SPRING! There’s a reason they call this time the ‘dead of winter’. Not too much to do but hunker down inside the home, try to stay warm and keep taking vitamin D.
Even my cat Subira (who I have trained to go for walks on a leash) wants to be outside. She gets
a bit antsy being cooped up inside during the coldest time of year but, what’s one to do? I do get her out when the weather co-operates but if it’s bitter cold and accompanied by a meter of snow then forget it! We stay inside, sipping hot drinks and playing chess. (how one can lose to a cat needs further explanation, and I’m not going to give it. I’m mocked enough by family, friends 
and neighbours – even the odd dog – so let it lie.)
Although losing three weeks in a row did eventually send me out into the frostbite to have a few drinks with some old friends at a local watering hole. At least there I seemed to be the happiest of the bunch. (one guy even lost to his parakeet at blackjack.)
Later that night on my way home from the pub I did bump into these happy-go-lucky guys. 
They seemed good with the cold and knew how to best roll with it. They offered to hoist me up onto their shoulders for a spin but I said I don’t monkey around after having a few drinks, and declined. They took it in stride and didn’t go totally ‘apeshit’ all over me.
Once back home I went to bed and dreamed of the approaching winter’s thaw. Next morning I a
woke only to be surrounded by water! It seems Subira had poked a few holes in my water bed during the night and I had sprung a leak! (that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.)
Spring will be here soon enough and Subira and I will walk the streets again, basking in the heat. But in the meantime I’m thinking of taking a few on-line courses to ‘up my game’ so as not to keep losing to her.
Maybe I need to change games to , say, go fish. No, I have a hunch she’d be good at that too.
Stay warm!
Our Butts May Be Cold But Our Book Is So Warm. Seriously!
Boloney (Alexandre Rouillard) and I (Jeffrey Caulfield) live in Canada where the winters can be a touch cold; very cold indeed! It doesn’t bother us much as we are used to it but our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ can’t take the chill. So, it’s decided to visit a much warmer climate for a couple of months until the spring returns.
(the guy on the left is not dressed too warm for the cold either. His cheeks are so frosty!)
Our good friend Kathy and her husband took pity on our chilly book so they decided to take it on a grand tour of the American 
south west. Here it is on the back of their RV (it’s hard to make out but those are Arizona license plates.)
I think Kathy was having a bit too much Tequila when she took this out-of-focus picture. Our book looks a bit blurry-eyed as well.
But, our Butt’s (Seriously) book is at least nice and warm. It’s good to see it out enjoying itself on the open road, with the wind rustling through it’s pages as the scenery flies past. Who knows, someone may spot it and want a copy of their own.
I do hope if it does fall off the back of their vehicle that it doesn’t land too hard and sit neglected on the interstate.
If it does I can only hope these two characters will scoop it up and take it under their protective wing, as they appear to like good humour.
And our book, ‘Butt Seriously’ is definitely that!
Actually, Dan Piraro (creator of Bizarro) was kind enough to write the forward to our humorous tome. (While out on his porch one day he happened to see it fly off of the back of an RV -a different trip – and land in his front yard.) Upon reading it he immediately felt the need to comment on its contents. He states, “The real art of cartooning is to create a compelling illustration that facilitates a compelling gag. Caulfield and Rouillard are the most 
shining example of this unique combination I have seen in some time.”
Thanks Dan! (and we’re so glad our book didn’t bounce of off your well-manicured lawn and break a window).
If it did you might have had us put ‘on the rack’.
Of course by doing that would have only meant that our humour would be stretched that much further, and less cartoons would have been needed to be placed into the book. Ha!
As I write this it is snowy and cold outside. But inside I feel warm all over knowing our book is getting a tan on a tablecloth of stars! (plus writing this while sitting in my infrared sauna helps me feel toasty too.) Thanks Kathy!!
So, why not get your own copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously‘ and take it out for a little trip? If you do make sure it’s buckled in good and tight.
And, if camping or hiking our book comes in very handy. You can eat a page a day for that much-needed humour (and roughage), or use a page a day for un-needed ah, well, you know?
Butt Seriously!!!!!
‘Tis The Season To Be Jolly!
‘Tis the season to be Jolly! (and for those of you who are not named Jolly, what were your parents thinking anyway?) Although with a name like Frank, Joan or Samuel I hope you can still have somewhat of a reasonably good time as Christmas is definitely near. (I think it falls on the 25th this year if I’m not mistaken).
And, let’s hope when Santa does drop by your place he leaves more than just this ‘Elfie’ card under your tree.
(note: Santa is lactose intolerant so maybe leave out some almond milk with those – did I mention gluten free? – cookies.)
As well, when you write Santa you may want to include directions to your home because with
cutbacks being the way there are he may not make it. Sure, he may have GPS but visiting the entire world on a single battery charge is risky; very risky indeed. At least when he had Rudolph he could slip him a Red Bull or something if fatigue was kicking in.
Oh, and remember to also clean out your chimney. We can’t have the big guy hurt himself or get stuck for any length of time. And please do not have a fire going. Santa’s ‘cheeks’ are rosy enough as it is! (according to Mrs. Clause anyway)
HISTORY NOTE:
When Santa first arrived on our shores he had only two reindeer with him. (hence for that first Christmas he only visited 5 homes – all on the same street.) But, over the years he accumulated more – horsepower? – and found that nine seemed to be just enough to get the job done.
He did have thousands of reindeer apply but only a handful of those applicants could actually fly. Many said they could get high (aha) but when push came to shove they simply landed on their backsides when leaving a rooftop.
Oh, many other types of animals applied. In point of fact our red-suited fellow did consider a
species known as ‘Google drone’ but found that people thought they were UFO’s (especially near area 51) and felt that they might suddenly be abducted, and rectal-probed. So, he abandoned that idea.
He also found that monkeys just wanted to party all the time and not actually deliver anything to anyone so they too did not make the final cut.
Rest assured though that Santa is on top of his game. He knows if you’ve been good or bad, happy or sad – or just plain ticked off. (having an off-season part-time job with the NSA really helps) He’s also got all your information stored on the cloud; one that he flies to twice a week to update his files.
So, here’s hoping you get (as Bing Crosby sings) a white Christmas. But, unfortunately with global warming it just might be something a touch different. If it gets any warmer Santa may just have to visit your place in a thong as that suit of his is way too bulky and warm. And those reindeer will undoutedly need shades – a la Blues Brothers – to cut down on the glare.
Happy holidays and be Jolly!
At least for a day. Then go back to using your own name.
A Year Older, But Wiser?
Well dear readers, this week is an interesting one because as I look at the calender I notice that it’s my (insert age here) birthday week. And just like our aging planet Earth (over 4.5 billion years and counting) I too am starting to feel a bit rusty in spots, a touch weak in the eyes, and no longer can I digest 12 corn chili dogs in one sitting. (and we won’t even discuss my hair loss although compared to Alexandre I think I’m doing pretty good.)
(I’m on the left; Alexandre is on the right)
At my (insert age here) stage of life perhaps I should book an appointment with my family doctor and
get a complete physical. You know, check under the hood, so to speak.
(As a kid I did happen to swallow some loose change once that I found under a couch pillow, and as of yet it has not been accounted for)
But, that’s not for a lack of effort on my part. Maybe too much effort in fact.
Actually, I’ll probably need all that loose change – and more – as retirement looms somewhere over a distant horizon. (perhaps I should start swallowing a dollar a day now and with any luck – and allot of compound interest – I might just be okay)
Only drawback to that is weight gain. (I’ll just tell people I’m banking on my future and that once I’m retired then watch out for rapid weight loss!)
Fortunately, I pleased to report, I still have my funny bone (now where did I put that thing – oh
there it is holding up my open window), and along with Alexandre’s fabulous artistry, we will continue to hopefully bring a smile to your face, and put a song in your heart. (actually for that last part I’d need to get Katy Perry to assist as neither Alexandre nor I can hold a tune.)
And, I guess I should start doing more Sudokos to keep that brain in tip-top shape. (now where did I leave that thing again?)
Laughter is indeed the best medicine no matter what a couple of clowns like Alexandre and I say. (I’m the clown on the left of course as he has more hair)
I plan on laughing right up until the end (unless it happens when I’m in a movie theatre watching an Adam Sandler picture then I’ll be definitely going out crying).
On my tombstone they should write something like, “Here lies Mustard. He never could tell the truth.”
Now, I’m off for chocolate cake (let’s hope it’s a money cake) and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!
Bon Appetit.
Fall Is In The Air
October is a great time of the year here in Canada. Not only is it the month I was born in but it’s also the time when cooler temperatures settle in, trees change colour almost overnight (before dropping their crimson red or amber leaves to the forest floor) and thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner with family fills ones heart and mind.
But, other thoughts crowd in too because as Fall creeps in summer unfortunately peters out – and with it the heat! No longer can one wear plaid shorts, a tank top and sandals. And, most certainly wearing no clothes at all is definitely out of the question! (Sweaters and jackets are the new order of the day.)
Naturally, as the weather changes one can no more indulge in some of the more ‘warm
weather’ sports.
(I’d say this fellows handicap is off the charts!)
Those other notable companions that make up his foursome include: Dracula, The Werewolf and of course, The Mummy. (Dracula, rumour has it, is a lousy golf partner, as he apparently sucks the ‘life’ out of any game he’s in. Although, when you think about it, his partners are all already dead anyway.)
Also, as the temperature outside dips so does one ‘stop dipping’ because it’s too darn cold!.
(One could of course go to an indoor pool but then one wouldn’t get a tan now would they? Nor could you watch the traffic fly past as you’re speeding down the highway in the fast lane while floating on an inflatable chair, drink in hand, so above it all in your Google self-driving car.)
The Fall also brings with it a student’s quest for higher learning, as Colleges and Universities
open up their campuses to the inquiring mind.
(the tuition they charge at this institution is so astronomically high it should be considered criminal)
So, I say get out now and enjoy the crisp autumn weather while you can, because soon enough old man winter will not only be breathing down your neck but also up through the back ‘trap door’ of your long johns. Brrrrrrrrrr.
Bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate and let me warm my toes by a cozy wood fire!
*****************************CONTEST SOLVED*********************************
Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They
are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)
Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all. And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.
And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!
And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like me.)
*****************************BONUS*********************************************Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!