Category Archives: cinema

All Aboard! We Set Sail In An Hour. Seriously!

Cruising is big business; really big business. In fact two of the largest cruise ships in the world (Allure of the Seas and Oasis of the Seas) hold a staggering 6,296 people each! (not including crew) That means, for example, that the entire town of Pauls Valley in Oklahoma (population 6,187) can rent the entire boat and cruise the Caribbean all by themselves. (of course by doing this they would have to bring in outsiders to watch their pets.) If you have never been on a cruise I would whole-heartedly recommend it. Just be careful as to the cruise line you choose. My wife and I somewhat enjoyed our cruising experience several years ago but if we had to do it over again we would choose a more ‘established’ line; one that actually included meals and the mandatory rest-periods per hour as required by international law. Still it was nice having the salt-water spray in your face (to revive you once you passed out) and the nice ocean breezes blowing through your tattered rags. And wifi….forget it! (although they did have a guy come in at night and do shadow puppets on the wall for entertainment; or maybe it was a woman, I’m not sure. This person was always introduced as ‘Ben-Her’).

I imagine cruises in the olden days were a bit more of an adventure. No swimming pools, no saunas, no staff, no massages, no chocolates left under your pillow at night, and definitely no ‘live’ entertainment! Sometimes you probably didn’t even know where you’d end up, just going where the wind might take you.

Back then – as now – you did have to be careful about pirates coming on board, stealing your valuables, and maybe even taking you to a place you really, really don’t want to go (i.e. Stephen Harper’s house or an Adam Sandler film retrospective; both so not funny)

When it comes to cruises timing is essential. If you are late they do not wait. The ship sails without you. Also, if your luggage doesn’t arrive it leaves the harbour without them. (this actually happened to us on our cruise. I had to wear the same pair of underwear for a week! Thank heavens I ate allot of cheese beforehand to minimize the risk.)

All-in-all cruising is great as you never know who – or what – you’ll meet.

Now that I think about it I imagine the first cruise ever was the one made by Noah. It was a rather lengthy cruise with the ship filled to the brim with livestock.

And for those that missed his voyage (i.e. unicorns or anyone who works for Fox news; they always seem to miss the boat) well, they were never to be seen or heard from again.

Geez, you wonder with a record like that how did cruises ever survive the centuries and thrive? They must have great public relations; either that or great lawyers. Or, someone with allot of pull at the top.

Pass The Buttered Popcorn. It’s Showtime!

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Movies have always been a love of mine. My major in University was film and I was fortunate enough to win the coveted ‘President’s Prize’ for screenwriting. (Actually that script was later produced into a full-length feature which aired on pay television almost 100 times!) The film was entitled: The Night Watchman’. (Read review here.)

Naturally, every film, movie star, director, make-up artist, screenwriter etc. can lend itself to a little ribbing. (even the odd toe-tickling) And, we here at Mustard and Boloney are certainly good at that. So strip off your socks and shoes, and let me feather those tootsies with a

humorous ride through the world of entertainment!

But, before we begin, I need a little snack. Perhaps I should try the interesting recipe our friend here is promoting. Although as I am a vegetarian would eating a brain be classified as eating meat, even if it’s my own brain? And, how can I possibly answer that if I have no brain?

Maybe I should ask this fellow if he has any insight into the issue. (he told me to buy his book should I seek the answers. To that I said, “I’ll be back”; to which I thought I heard him reply, “No problemo”.)

Speaking of brains, in this film those involved seek out the mighty Wizard to get – of all things – a brain for our poor scarecrow. (Apparently one made of straw just doesn’t cut it, unless your Stephen Harper.)

Seems to me the others in that film were looking for a heart, some courage and a way to get home. (yep, Harper again)

In addition to the course on gourmet cooking I decided to check out some on philosophy but I had trouble doing my

assignments as the kid I shared a room with seemed to like be a little off, you know what I mean? He kept mentioning the word ‘wizard’ all the time but never in connection with the Land Of Oz. (Although he did have an imaginary dog he called ‘Toe, Toe’.) I say this because he was always looking down at those shoeless, sockless feet saying, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!” Interesting.)

I think deep down he really wanted to be a tap dancer. (Only trouble was he kept falling of the sink.) Well, time to put away my cartoons for the day and settle in to watch a movie. Which one shall it be? Tough choice as there are so many great ones. How be I just flip through the stations to see what I can stream. Maybe movies are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, especially if you don’t have a tv guide.

Got a favourite film you’d like us to poke fun at? Let me know what it is and we’ll see what we can do. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.

Mustard And Boloney Get Cheeky. ‘Butt’ Seriously!

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We here at Mustard and Boloney cartoons are not adverse or afraid to show a little ‘skin’ from time-to-time, nor to get down and be a touch ‘cheeky’ every now and then as well. I mean we proudly display a bit on the cover of our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.

(please, no wisecracks about the humour)

And, I know many of you have often wanted to go to work dressed a little more casual than usual; you know, get away from the tired, old, stuffy formal office look. Now not too many of you could show up at work like this and still expect to have a job by days end. As for me, well I can, as I work mostly from home. So, most often I simply sit around all day in the buff and no one cares. Think of me as the character that actor Richard Dreyfuss played in the 1977 film ‘The Goodbye Girl’ (for which he won is only Oscar to date). In the film he is in his bedroom playing the guitar when his roommate (Paula played by Marsha Mason) knocks and asks, “Are you decent?” He says back through the door, “Yes.” She then enters only to find him naked and playing his guitar. She says, “I thought you said you were decent?” He replies, “I am. I also happen to be naked.”

Still, there have been a few interesting ‘moments’ that working at home in the buff has presented me. I remember one time calmly answering the doorbell all the while forgetting I was completely`sans`clothing. (Those Jehovah’s Witnesses probably won’t be back anytime this century!) They should have just turned the other cheek and simply embraced the moment. I mean, isn’t it written, “But I sayeth to you. That you resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the also other”).

In hindsight It probably wouldn’t have done them much good because upon leaving my front porch they invariably had to run past my driveway.

And let’s definitely hope those same Jehovah’s Witnesses never ventured far enough to run into another ‘clothing optional’ person. Once in a lifetime is surely enough!

But, If they did I hope they took a selfie. Or, in this case a ‘soulie’.

Back in 1974 streaking was all the craze across North America. People would drop their clothes and streak through a crowded auditorium, wedding ceremony, even at the 46th annual Oscar ceremonies!

Ray Opel actually streaked across the Oscar stage right behind presenter David Niven. The ever-cool Niven barely blinked before casually addressing the audience. He said “Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?” (see clip here)

One more note: The streaking craze was even made more famous by singer Ray Stevens when in 1974 he wrote and recorded the song the Streak.

Well, I’m a bit tired now and I feel the need for a short vacation. This seems like a nice spot to park my butt. And, with my wife at my side we will certainly be doing a little dancing cheek-to-cheek. (Irving Berlin song from 1935)

Who knows, maybe I’ll bump into our Jehovah’s Witnesses friends here, relaxing (much needed), and listening to Ray Stevens on their i-pod. It’s good to commune and be one with nature, don’t you think?

Butt Seriously!

Our New Book ‘Butt Seriously’, Seriously Entertains.

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Our new book entitled, “Butt Seriously, has sold out its first run! (I have a new batch on order and they should be here within a day or so). Thanks to the many of you that have purchased, not only for yourselves but for your friends as well.

One person from Australia ordered 4 books! I hand-signed each one as I do for all copies ordered through our website. (I have yet to dab real mustard into any book but am definitely contemplating it. For now though, it’s my signature and a choice phrase).

And, what cartoons have tasted the best for our readers you may ask? Why all of them of course! I have received e-mails and letters from people expressing their enjoyment of the book, and maybe a cartoon that stood out for them. John from California wrote (via letter), “Really enjoyed the cartoon book. Saw it on Bizarro’s (he wrote Pizarro, but I won’t tell Dan) blog and ordered it. Keep up the good work!” John didn’t say exactly what his favourite panel was so let’s assume it’s this one as it takes place in sunny California. (where one could get a little wrinkled if left out in the sun too long.)

This e-mail I received from Hiren who lives right here in Toronto, only a short drive from my own home. Hiren wrote, “From the few cartoons that I went through on your website, they were

indeed clever and right up my alley. Re: humour wise.” She then ordered a book and loved it! Thanks Hiren.

Joesphine – who also lives in Toronto – enjoyed the book immensely. One of her favourite cartoons was this one of a ‘not-so-free-willy’.

Macs from Michigan writes: “I love it! Not just the toons, but the format, colour, and – this may be a qwerk of mine- the feel of the cover.”

And, you may ask, what is Dan Piraro’s (Bizarros) favourite cartoon? Well, he seemed to like them all, so-much-so in fact that he felt compelled to write the forward to the book. Thanks Dan for your kind words. (as a sneek peak at a cartoon from our next book, I sent this one about Harry Potter to Dan for an opinion. He loved it and this panel instantly became one of his favourites. He even commented about it on his blog.)

Now you’re probably wondering what is my personal favourite out of all of the cartoons that have been completed to date. Well, I love them all but one stands out for me. It’s actually the one on the cover of the book. (here it is without all the writing covering it.)

Now this cartoon came to me while I was standing outside a store that had an ice machine in front of it. It just ‘popped’ into my head. I immediately wrote it down and sent it to Alexandre to add his artistic genius. And he did! In my version I didn’t have the patient – that was Alexander’s idea to add him. Perfection!!!

An interesting aside to this story is that when my brother-in-law went in to have surgery to remove some cancer (successful I might add) I had this cartoon printed onto a hospital gown, and he wore it into the operating room! It gave everyone a laugh. He even wore it during his entire hospital stay and everyone on the floor came in to see it. Indeed, laughter is the best medicine no matter what these two bozos think!

So, thanks again to all who have ordered our book thus far and to those contemplating an order I say, “When hungry for humour order our book and eat a page a day. It’s also a great source of roughage as well.”

Pass the mustard.

Bon appetit.

Education, In The First Degree

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There was an interesting movie that I once saw on television; one that made me think allot about education versus experience. The film? It was titled “Teacher’s Pet”. Made in 1958, it starred Clark Gable, Doris Day and Gig Young. I remember seeing it before I went into university. The one line from the film that stuck with me was, “Education is the horse; experience, the jockey.”

Nowadays, it seems that just about everyone needs a degree in something just to get into any entry level position with a company. No longer can you not even obtain a high school education and still manage to find work. Everything seems so highly skilled in today’s market. And, of course, you must attend the best schools! (whatever they may be.) But, education is increasing unaffordable for all, and sometimes the professors they hire at these institutions leave much to be desired.

I feel that quality education is the one thing that should be provided to all for free. Knowledge opens up more doors than it closes. Sure, they have been success stories of those who have not finished a so-called ‘formal education’. Some notable people include: Steve Jobs (Apple), Bill Gates (Microsoft), David Karp (creator of Tumblr), Richard Branson (CEO of Virgin), Quentin Tarantino (writer/director of Reservoir Dogs), and Peter Jackson (writer/director of ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy).

This is not to say that one can’t go back to school at a later time should one wish. I myself started university when I was 29 years old. I had worked for many years in radio but felt I needed a change. Sure it may be daunting to return – as high school was so long ago – but exciting at the same time!

Campus life is also an interesting one. You’ll certainly meet interesting people, engage in new ideas with professors, and ponder some of life’s larger questions with peers. Questions such as: ‘Why do hotdogs come in a pack of 12 while the buns only come in a pack of 8?’. (course needed to decipher answer: ‘Rocket Science’.)

Or: why does the mother of Honey Boo Boo date a man of such dubious credentials? (course needed: psychology 101, 201, 301 and so on -including a masters)

Or ‘what does this cartoon actually mean?’ (course needed: all of them!)

So, no matter what your choice of school is try to keep it fun. Learning should not be dry and boring but alive and electric!

And, if it’s not exciting and informative then I suggest you dress up like these fellows and walk into class. Sure you’ll make heads turn but once you’ve mastered the art of ‘pie throwing’ or ‘wearing that false nose’ they will all envy and respect you. If they don’t then pour seltzer water down the professor’s pants. This will at least get you noticed and possibly put on the ‘dean’s list’. And, from there, well…who knows! Is doesn’t matter when you start your educational journey just so long as you start. So climb that horse and take charge!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”

Nelson Mandela

Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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Exciting news! Several Mustard and Boloney cartoons will be shown in an art gallery. That’s right! We were asked to be part of a show featuring black/white art, so we printed up several large versions of some of our cartoons (in black and white of course) and had them framed. The prints are hand-signed by both Alexandre and myself. We are the only cartoonists to be invited to this particular show. Who knows, maybe Lady Gaga will stop in and buy one or two prints. (she may even end up wearing them at some point. Earrings?)

Here’s an example of one of the pictures we’ve had framed for the show. (the size is 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

And, here’s another that looks great blown up and mounted under glass. (also 20 1/2 x 20 1/2 inches)

For those of you who live in the Toronto area here are the particulars of where the show is being held, and the date.

Black and White Art Exhibit

October 29th – November 4th

Ben Navaee Gallery

1107 Queen Street East

Toronto, Ontario.

416-466-3996

Opening Reception takes place November 1st, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

It’s for one week only so your window to view -and perhaps purchase – them is short. I will be at the Saturday night gala (minus the chef’s hat but probably wearing my shoes made of boloney) from 6:30-8:30. Hope to see you all there!

Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Fade In.

Movies have always been a passion of mine. From as far back as I can remember I’ve always enjoyed them. So much so in fact, that when I went to university I majored in Film Studies. And, as luck would have it, I won their top award for screenwriting. (one script became the basis for the full-length feature film ‘The Night Watchman’ )

So, when I started cartooning, many films, their characters, their settings and such naturally became fair game for my cinematic imagination, and Alexandre’s creative pen. Can you name the movie inspiration for the above cartoon? Even better, what year was it made and exactly who was in it? (Try not to use Google.)

I sent this interesting send-up of a popular franchise to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for his opinion – and he loved it!

Here’s an odd twist on a famous scene from the movie ‘Ben Hur’. (Charlton Heston would be proud. Bring on the chariot race!) This 1959 film was directed by one of my favourite directors. His name? William Wyler. (his other notable works include: Dodsworth (1936), Mrs. Miniver (1942), The Heiress (1945), The Best Years Of Our Lives (1946), Roman Holiday (1953), The Collector (1965), and Funny Girl (1968).

(I actually have the original movie posters for Ben Hur from the cinema display windows – when they used to do that – framed, and hanging in my office at home.)

In keeping with the Roman times theme, I thought this was a nice twist on a classic line. Again, can you name the film? HInt: It stars Robert DeNiro (duh)

(Actually early film stock was quite flammable so maybe that’s what started this fire. Apparently, Nero love the cinema but didn’t store the negatives properly!)

Personally, I just love black and white films. There are just so many layers to them. It’s too bad they colourize them now, because once done, it washes out the shadings and flattens the imagery. If they originated in colour, that’s okay, but to paint it in, no. (watch any film noir picture like ‘Scarlet Street’ (1945), ‘In A Lonely Place (1950) or ‘The Big heat’ (1953) and you’ll see a prime example of how a black and white film can and should look) To see these films uncut – in their original form – check out movie station TCM (Turner Classic Movies)

*************************** CONTEST ALERT *************************************

In keeping with our movie theme we here at Mustard and Boloney are offering up a free copy of our latest book ‘Butt Seriously’ to the first two people who can figure out what movie this cartoon is referring to. E-mail your answer to: info@mustardandboloney.com. (hint: This film was made within the last 100 years. Ha!)

Good luck. And pass the buttered popcorn!

Fade Out.

Well, it seems we have some very sharp movie buffs out there as we have our winners! They are: Beth, Kyle and Macs. (There are 3 winners because two of them arrived in my in-box at the same time so to be fair I’ll send them each a book.)

Others that were kind enough to enter (and did correctly guess the right answer) were: Fred, Michael, David, Howard and Scott! (And, I’m sure more will be in my in box next time I check.) Thanks to all. And thanks for visiting our Mustard and Boloney diner for all your comedic calories for the day.

And yes, the film is ‘Citizen Kane’ (a favourite). Only in our version it’s ‘Citizen Crane’. Ha!

And a special thanks again to Dan Piraro (Bizarro) for mentioning us on his blog today. He also guessed the right answer to our contest but he already has a book – as he is the one who wrote the forward to it! (he is also a great movie buff like I)

Oh, and someone wondered what the first cartoon (with dog) is referring to. It’s the film ‘The Maltese Falcon’ starring Humphrey Bogart. He played detective Sam Spade. (a classic).

*****************************BONUS*********************************************

Note: I am still received correct answers to the contest and that is so great to know how many of you are into classic films. As an extra bonus for those of you that purchase a book (through Paypal) from our site, I will personally hand-sign your copy. I’ll even do it in black ink…of course!

Fade out to black……

Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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Sales of our new cartoon book ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well. Thanks to all who have bought so far! (and to those that haven’t yet purchased I say “afraid of getting a little laughing gas?”) Quite frankly, when hungry for humor it’s best to eat a page a day from our book. (it’s also a great source of much needed roughage as well)

Also, thanks to those that have sent us photos of the books travels. Keep those pictures coming!

Interestingly, in my mail the other day I received this note from Kathleen, who resides in Massachusetts. She wrote,

“Hi Jeff. Loved the book!! Especially liked the bank teller joke. I got fired from a teller position in a bank once. One of the reasons was that I commented on the lack of hair (male) of a customer. He pouted and went to the bank manager and complained!”

Now, my first question upon reading her story was “Is that customer Mr. Potato head, and why so sensitive?”

And, my second question is, “What are the other reasons?”

Maybe she just didn’t fit in?

Or, took things a bit too literal in the workplace.

Well, whatever the reasons. we here at Mustard and Boloney wish her all the best in her new position as inmate 261238. (Guaranteed work for at least 8-10 years, and cannot be fired or let go for any reason whatsoever……now that’s job security!)

Embezzlement, it seems, is a huge cut above mentioning a customer has no hair. And, so is forgery for that matter. Ditto: insider trading.

Oh, and thanks Kathleen for the new license plates. I just love that their personalized too! (MBGR8FUN)

Mustard and Boloney Cartoons

Humorous Single Panel Cartoons

Category Archives: cinema

All Aboard! We Set Sail In An Hour. Seriously!

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Pass The Buttered Popcorn. It’s Showtime!

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Mustard And Boloney Get Cheeky. ‘Butt’ Seriously!

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Our New Book ‘Butt Seriously’, Seriously Entertains.

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Education, In The First Degree

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Mustard And Boloney Cartoons In An Art Gallery!

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Mustard and Boloney Go To The Movies Contest Has Their Winners! (see below)

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Our cartoon book stirs up interesting old memories. Seriously.

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