Category Archives: Medicine

Animal Crackers

To view more ‘over-medicated’ cartoons visit Mustard and Boloney on Gocomics.com

Primal therapy in pioneer times

For more ‘in-depth’ cartoons visit Mustard and Boloney on Gocomics.com

hospital madness

For more ‘un-restrained’ humor visit Mustard and Boloney on Gocomics.com

botox for a new you

For more ‘pleasing plump’ robust humor visit Mustard and Boloney on Gocomics.com

clowning around in a hospital

For more ‘clowning around’ visit Mustard and Boloney on Gocomics.com

Geppetto should've used oak instead of pine for his little guy.

Mustard and Boloney Comic Strip on GoComics.com

Are You Seeing Double? Yes, You Are!

Our book coverAlexandre and I are extremely proud and excited to have sold an astounding amount of copies of our new book ‘Butt, Seriously’. I have to use all my toes and fingers plus some of Alexandre’s  to count that high.

To all of you who bought we give a heartfelt thanks. And, to those that haven’t yet managed to snag a copy we say: Why not? Is a heartfelt thanks not enough? Do you require a kidney too?

Or, are you secretly waiting for the deal of the century?

Well, here it is! Out in the open. THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY!

For a limited time we’re prepared to offer this fabulous deal: Buy one book at the regular price and get an additional copy for only 5 bucks more! You heard – or rather read – that right. You can now get two copies of this humorous tome for only $25. (shipping, handling and taxes included.)

I will also personally hand-sign each and every copy of this collectors item, which contains over 100 of our classic cartoons, and all in full eye-popping colour.

WOW! I say WOW again. Never before has such an offer been written by me and in this blog.

I repeat (especially after Chili night at our house) : Get two copies of our new book ‘Butt Seriously‘ for the unheard of price of only $25 dollars. Hey, I’ll even  – as this cartoon suggests – throw in a cruise to further sweeten the deal, so long as you pay for the cruise/airfare and all the taxes yourself.

So, get you own copy of the book that Dan Piraro – creator of Bizarro – has been raving about  RIGHT HERE by clicking with your mouse thingy. Butt seriously!

 

 

Our Youngest Fans Love Extra Mustard On Their Boloney. Seriously!

April 2014 213This is my granddaughter Maisy. You may remember me speaking about her from several posts back. What a doll! She called me the other day to let me know just how much she enjoyed reading our latest book entitled: Butt Seriously.

She loved it so much that she began passing it around to family and friends. (next time I’ll have to encourage her to ‘sell’ the book to her friends, not loan it out. I need the money to start that college fund!)

Here it is in the hands of her sister Gemma, (another fabulous granddaughter) who is ecstatic to get it. And, why not? it’s packed full of cartoons – over 100gemma and our book of them – for any and all ages.

Actually, I believe when Gemma was born the doctor was reading a copy and as he was laughing so hard when she entered the world I know Gemma will grow up to have an excellent sense of humour. ( he also slapped her bottom using our book instead of the usual hand slap hence she ‘giggled’.) And she’s never looked back.

As you can see the book in her hand has been DSC_1663 (1)well-traveled and seen better days meaning many have enjoyed its humour! (I believe even the family dog glanced through it and tried to bury it for future generations to dig up and enjoy.)

With that in mind Gemma requested a new copy – one without dog ‘spittle’ on it. I gave her one and here she is having just finished reading it cover-to-cover. And check out that happy smile! (another satisfied customer)

And, you may ask, what was her favourite cartoon? She said she just loved the one on page 8. (now you’ll have to get your own copy to see her preferred panel.) 10981211_10155254717085521_8208557309679377914_n

Here are my two little princesses discussing the book amongst themselves, and reliving their joy at having feasted at a banquet of hilarious jokes. I’ll bet they are discussing each and every panel in detail.

That gives me an idea for a cartoon! I’m jotting the idea down right now. (don’t tell them that they inspired it or they may want royalties of some sort) I think I’ll just give them all the mustard and bologne they can eat and let it go at that)

And, maybe another free book.

(okay two free ones.)

 

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Here it is! A cartoon fit for not one but two princesses.

(I especially like the ‘no coaches’ sign in front of the store)

And, although you can’t see it she is wearing glass slippers under her dress.

And, in her giant handbag she has, of course,  a copy of our book. (she’s probably taking it into the print place to run off illegal copies. Mnnnn.)

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Thanks Maisy and Gemma for all your inspiration and kind words about our latest book.

If you two ladies have any ideas you’d like me to work on then jot them down and hand them over. I will give you full credit, of course.

Keep on smiling. Your grandpa loves you both!!!

Butt Seriously…………….

(get your own copy of our book here. I personally sign each purchase and mail for it to you for free.)

 

Laughter Is Your Lips Jogging. So Go For A Run!

Avatar_mustard_hatSales of our new cartoon book entitled: ‘Butt Seriously’ have been going very well, and I’d like to thank all who have purchased thus far. And for those that haven’t yet managed to order a copy I say, why wait? Life’s too short not to have a good laugh. Comedy lifts the spirit, eases the tension and generally improves ones mood. (to keep me happy, as I write this my cat (Subira) is under the desk tickling my bare feet with a feather.)

 

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Why wait until you’re on the other side to be happy, upbeat and brimming with life!

If you can’t stand the heat then for heavens sakes, sit.

(and read our book)

If the rat race is getting to you then I say stop wearing pants made of marble cheese.

(and read our book)

If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence then buy both those houses and tear down that fence!

(and then read our book on two porches, which translates into two sales for me)

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Sure, there are many situations in life that can get you down. Things like:  your girl friend leaving you; you’re dog getting run over; Netflix raising their prices; Kim Kardashian doing Shakespeare in the park or a plague of locusts raining down upon you and your loved ones. (actually, I would infinitely prefer the plaque over Kim’s recitation of the immortal ‘Bard’s’ words.)

Remember, when life hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade, right? (or take up juggling.)

 

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So get up off of that couch, throw open your windows and yell, “Who wants to buy some fresh hand-squeezed lemonade?” at the top of your lungs. Get it out there!!

Then quietly listen. If you hear police sirens approaching then you might have slightly overdid it a bit. If you hear neighbours yelling numerous obscenities at you simply remind them that you had nothing better to do at three in the morning anyway so why not make a tart drink for all?

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But, if you hear that dreaded ambulance siren off in the distance inching ever closer then, well, you might want to pack an overnight bag (one containing a copy of our book ‘Butt Seriously’ of course) and your lawyer’s phone number.

 

 

 

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So remember, laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. Simply get a copy of our book and when hungry for humour eat a page – or two – from it a day. I’ve also been told it’s a great source of much needed roughage as well. (better than bran.)

By doing so you’ll soon find yourself out in the forest serenading all your friends with a tune or two.

(and isn’t that definitely better than singing the blues alone, drinking lemonade?)

Bon appetit!

(get your copy of our book here; I hand-sign every copy ordered!)

 

 

Open Wide. This Won’t Hurt A Bit. Seriously.

What’s the one place most people do not like to visit? (other than the IRS?). Why, the dentist of course! Just thinking about those drills and needles makes my skin crawl. And don’t even mention root canals to me. I’ve had five already and I’m still in therapy. (i can’t look at or even eat a root vegetable; exposed roots of trees makes me shudder and I flunked out on math because they wanted the square root of so many numbers!) Even walking past the ‘Roots’ clothing store makes me break out in a cold sweat. Still, when you have a problem you have to go, right?  Fortunately for me my dentist is a nice guy, and very popular with his patients (those that are still alive and able to eat more than just Jello) He even once tried tickling me to ease the stress, but I don’t tickle as I have no funny bone. (odd coming from a cartoonist, wouldn’tcolor_0443_tooth_ferry you say?)

So, for my most recent visit he had to resort to more drastic measures to take my mind off of what he was about to do. He actually hired someone to come in and tell me the story of the ‘Tooth Fairy’, This was very kinf of him and I soon felt warm and fuzzy allover. Then he went to work. I was ready. I was pumped. I was completely drugged! (but happy in story-land)

As he probed I started to think if it was color_0296_hannibalsomething I ate that brought on all these cavities and subsequent root canals.

I don’t really have a sweet tooth so what could it be?

Maybe I don’t brush or floss enough. (flossing would certainly help me to get rid of the stuff between my teeth from this fellows recipe. Although how does this instructor even floss -let alone eat – with that thing over his mouth anyway?)

I wonder if cannibals ever need to floss?

And, if they do, how odd it must feel to pull out part of your uncle Fred from between your teeth. Creepy. But I’ll bet their cavity rate is low as there’s color_0377_cannibalno sugar in their diet to rot the teeth, unless they just ate their honey. (think about that one for a sec.)

My dentist finished up by saying all is good. He then helped dab the tears from my eyes before working on unclenching my fists.Then he commented on that he feels bad about inflicting pain on people all the time and maybe a new line of work might be the way to go. I suggested

color_0640_wisdom_toothhe try politics (shoving taxes down peoples’ throats and getting them to pay is like pulling teeth, right?) or maybe a less stressful job such as a window store mannequin. You just sit there all day in the display window having people stare at you in a nice suit (or undergarments depending on what you are promoting.) What could be more relaxing? Well, lying on a beach in the Cayman islands with a drink in your hand, and the surf at your feet would be more calming for sure. Plus, if he were to do this he could keep a much closer eye on his off-shore account (s) .

Now there’s a thought he can really sink his teeth into.